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Issue 92

Jun 24, 2007

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>> Top Stories
When Ira's Away.

Ira's back and apparently he's exchanged his mayoral robes for one of a pimp. Thanks for coming back Huggy Bear. Now I can work without hearing bleating in the hallways.

I'm ending this now. It's time to air out the Chronicles office. It smells like a farm in here.

The Masked Editor

P.S. To the Urbaniac who wrote me about Afro_Chic, I am not here to solve your petty problems with each other! I have better things to do.
Mysterious Prop Circles

(UP) Mayor DaMan was notified today by Urbanville's Chief of Police of mysterious prop circles appearing in some local wheat fields. The strange prop circles were limited to the wheat fields on the outskirts of town, notably used to feed the ever increasing goat propulation of Urbanville. When asked about the strange phenomenon, Mayor was quoted as saying, "The prop circles reminded me of the time when I was a young urb and we'd go out and make them ourselves" With the one exception of there's no evidence of humans in the area. Could it be the work of the evil GoatFist and his henchlings late at night trying to strike fear in the rural areas? Or is it something older, perhaps more dangerous attempting to leave a message to it's faithful minions. Only time will tell and with the prop circles going full force, maybe the followers of the Goat himself will over-propulate.

>> Editorials
Some Hero

"She is so urbnoying one minute she leaves the heroes and the council "for good" but 5 mins later she back and she granted her old role. if you ask me she should have to wait like the rest of us to get the council title back. she's only doing it for the attention, if she was real hero she would get rid of that afro shave her legs and she would change from beatnik to hero, if i did something like that, for example left the heroes for a little bit and then came back they wouldn't have a party for me. i think she should choose and affiliation and stay there and just leave the heroes alone, she's so annoying.

Society for the unanimous disgruntled hero"

Dear Society for the unanimous disgruntled hero,

Normally, I don’t make it a practice to explain myself, but I will only do this once. So listen up, okay? Imagine my surprise when the Masked Editor urbogrammed me this message! He said I should deal with it and so I will.

You have beef with the fact that I went on vacation from the Council and the H.A. to become a Beatnik, yet I came back later and regain my title. Not that it’s any of your business, but let me fill you in on a bit.

I left the H.A. because I was sick and tired of doing all the work (while Mr.A was away) AND standing up for the entire group in the forums. Instead of having fun, I spent most of my days stressed. I must thank you though; I now see what my heroic counterparts are doing. Looks like we should start handing out pink slips because instead of pulling your own weight you would rather blast me in the Chronicles, but I’ll touch on that topic later. Oh don’t go anywhere; what I have to say will make your head spin! *smiles*

I wanted to leave, but MrAnderson talked me out of it. He knew why I wanted to give up. He also sees how valuable I truly am to the group. In addition, when I first joined the Hustle Alliance a long time ago, I was a Beatnik. That was my affiliation but I had to change it because we couldn’t have battles. Just in case you haven’t been paying attention, the H.A. accepts ALL dispositions that aren't Villain. I am what I am, a heroic Beatnik and if you have a problem with that, I don’t care.

As for me regaining my role, don’t hate. Maybe if you spend more time working on making the H.A. a better place instead of writing anonymous letters about your fellow comrades, you might have the same pull too, but now you are a disgrace to your heroic title. Trust me when I say that the Council is not happy about this.

Now about your comment on shaving my afro/legs and giving up my Beatnik title, I’m not interested. You might want to fit into the heroic stereotypes, another cookie cutter Hero, but that’s not my thing (boring…). I love my individuality and I won’t let that go.

Now in closing, let me say, you are so lucky that you are anonymous! It shows your cowardice (tee hee! Sorry Masked Editor!)! At least when I called the H.A. out for its laziness, I had the cojones to do it as myself. Some Villains laugh at the H.A. and say that our Heroes act more Villainous than they do. You just proved them right. Don’t ever let me know who you are. I am still on the Council, I still have pull, and if I have my way, you would get kicked out because “alliances” don’t disrespect each other. Luckily for you, MrAnderson is the type of man who might suspend you for a while, but then let you back with his arms wide opened (that is if you know your roll and act accordingly).

I hope you took notes because this is the last time I will speak on this topic.

Beatniks Do it Better,

Afro_Chic, Hustle Alliance Councilwoman

P.S. Some Hero...*scoffs*
>> Comics
Gossip Column

What funky junk is happening in Urbanville?? Juicyfruit or "Mama Love" is
here to tell you!! Perspiring minds want to know!!

(Please note…these are rumors NOT fact...but they could be dissing me because of my creative genius :P I am not here to protect the innocent hehe... Just telling it from my lil Juicy perspective.

Shaken Not Stirred:

Okay as some of you know, summers, The Viking Queen, has lost her most recent Viking King, The Viking King O_O. Her previous men/kings .. the Masonator and The Viking King (who claims to be the Masonator) are gone....very sad...AND, as you know, finder, who used to be the Pirate leader, who was also "with" summers, has gone to "find himself" in music and as she says "a better teacher"..hmm.. I don't know of very many pirates who go to music school lol They usually sing the same lyrics "Yoho yoho a pirate's life for me"... how can you mess that up??? hehe... ANYWHOO... As much as I feel sorry for summers... The Viking Queen... I have heard that actually, and probably makes more sense.. that summers is a man eater!!! Yes!! That makes more sense... Yes, I know summers goes on and on about mourning for the previous king and how she looking for someone "worthy" for her replacement...BUT...think about it (1) first it's finder and he disappears leaving poor little summers to run the Viking clan, she then sucks in (2) The Masonator, who only lasted for like 5 months? then (3) The Viking King shows up and who only lasts for 4 months? and now somehow, summers, using her succubus like ways ....has lured eye354 to be the new Viking King!!! O.O Poor eye354!

I give him 3 months before the BlackWidow snags another XY fly for her insatiable appetite...O_O makes me glad I am a girl! lol You know, I wanted to warn eyeball354, but then I didn't want to become the next person that summers says "left the game to find themselves!!" O_O Eye354 better keep his eyeballs on summers or he is x_x

A Twist of Lemon:

Speaking about guys who have lost their "goods". I was battling with Afro_Chic (Affy) and Mr. Anderson (Mr. Andy) and she was referring herself to him as the RHW or the LHW...who is right hand ... the other means left hand... now the question became this...what does the "W" mean wife or woman?!?! So I checked out my sources and it seems that at one time MrA was interested in Affy as a wife!! But then upon knowing Mr. A more intimately ....Affy finds out that Mr. A is actually a... (okay you little urbobs and urbettes - better not read this unless you have your mama's permission!) Is a ...

CASTRATO - O.O - whoa!! You know, I know Mr. A sings super high, but never knew how he did it... Now I know...

...Well once Affy found that out... DROP!! Sorry Mr. Anderson... no goods, no wife! LOL... so although Mr. A still pines for Affy, he can only call her his right hand woman and not a wife... aahhh...What a price to pay to sing soooo high! sniff sniff...kind of sad and funny lol
The good, the bad and...Everything in between

Good news: 4 out of 10 Urbaniacs get to pimp out their own Crib by adding rooms, funky gear, and much more!

Bad news: YOU'RE CRIBLESS... and in much need of urbos.