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Issue 91

Jun 17, 2007

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Issue 1

>> Editorials
My Last Article

Dear Urbanville Community,

My previous article was deleted. That caused me to think. Perhaps I had been too harsh? Made people soil the article of clothing covering their legs? Caused a few undergarments to become unkempt and uncomfortable? Brought some tears to the eyes of a few timid and unassertive people? Was the cause of hands sailing up to cover sensitive eyes? Produced solemn and overdramatic sighs?

Yet I’m not sorry. For the record, my article was deleted because Ira felt that all newbies would feel offended. I respect Ira and his decision. I apologized to him for that, but that’s it.

I had 2 choices, either listen to the moans of prudes or ask Ira how he felt about my language in Urbanville. So I wrote him.


Question, and this is on the record:

How do you feel about words like pissed, jackarse, and pantywaist being used in Urbanville?

The Masked Editor

Then 1 day later, he replied:

Hey M_E,

It's been a while since we talked. Those words don't bother me that much, I'm a bigger fan of more creative words like rather than "I'm pissed" I might say "That tweaks my thong" or "that's wack!"

Then there's Jackarse - so many better insults "fartsniffer, Buttmunch, foot, hairball" to name a few.

Pantywaist or Pantywaste - that's not too bad. Anyway, my point is words are fun, find an expression that suits you.

Urb ON!


From the mouth of Ira B. DaMan, himself. Yet, will there be a thread crying about the usage of a word that pertains to a male’s undergarments? How about one whining about his utilization of a term that refers to flatulence? I think not. Nor will I see a pointless thread saying, “Mayor you said the ‘b’ term and ended it with muncher, I want it edited NOW!”

When your beady little eyes read my articles, expect discomfort. Most of you mindless drones are probably used to being coddled! Were you told that you weren’t allowed to raise your squeaky voice in the house? When you got older, were you stripped of your ability to think and express yourself? When you receive information is it normally watered down for you so your diminutive psyche can handle it?

Don’t expect that from me.

Expect to feel anger. For example, the person who made the thread where he whimpers to the Mayor because I said pissed, pantywaist, and jackarse will probably grind his baby teeth. He might attempt to generate another feeble thread using his crayolas. I await your new thread. Speaking of offensive, your avatar. I read that it once said “Jesus says join the Hustle Alliance.” That’s a direct slap to the Terms and Conditions. Where was the thread about that? I noticed someone else had to bring that up. It’s easier to point your pale pudgy finger, isn’t it? Feh.

This article is a little bit soft this week. I took out the rubber PC gloves for you sensitive folks out there, but I will be back. Most countries on this planet have a freedom of speech law and as long as I keep my language to a PG rating, I will express what I want, when I want. I'll be back in full PG force, so you sniveling little fart-sniffing, butt-munching hairballs be sure to have a clean diaper at the ready because I know you'll be soiling yourselves far into the foreseeable future.


The Masked Editor
>> Top Stories
New Skate Video!

hello Urbanville! this is your friend rockin_richard telling you about the new skate video that all the r_r skate team made. it's the 1st and it won't be the last. you can post thing at this site:

or check out only the video in the Urbanville theater. i want to say thanks to the team for all the help and other that made some gallery pictures. you can always send me some pictures for the next skate video on my yahoo account: [email protected], thanks to mayor_daman for putting it up in the theater for us to watch.

don't worry this video is one of many, so it well get better and if you have some skate clips of your self i can make room for it but it has to be at lease 30 sec. and the next one well be better because we well get better clips and better tricks.

thanks urbanville hope you like it
The K&K Radio Station

Theres a new radio station in town.
And it's looking to be the next big thing.

It's called The K&K Radio Station!
The DJS are myself and __kingz__
Our music styles range from hip hop to rock
Tune in and hear about what's the haps in Urbanville.
Listen to some groovy tunes
Win the big competitions!

Every week on the K&K Radio Station there is a 10, 000 urbo competition!
The question is, what day?

But the real purpose of this article is that we are looking for some people to fill the gaps at our station.
We are looking for some reporters
We are looking for some DJs
We are also looking for a gossip section

We want to jazz our radio station up.
For the chance to be any of these things at the station just urbogram myself or __kingz__ and cross your fingers!
Have any questions?
Look for the many threads around the Urbanville forums
Good Luck!

This ad was bought to you by the Afro Comb. Fill all your Afros needs
Pirate Report By Slimer

Reporting from the Urbanville Port area near the water treatment plant, this is Slimer. I am one of the many pirates that claim to own the Urbanville seas. As we stand here today you can see off in the distance a small ship that claims these seas as well. It is commanded by none other than Rockin_Richard. A member of the HA, and a loyal brother and uncle to his Urbanville family. He is here today to tell us about sea safety and becoming a pirate, this is the interview I had with him (note this is fictional):

Slimer: Well Captain Richard, what is it that you have to say today, come on now...don't be shy!

Rockin_Richard: Well I am here to report that drowning related deaths have risen 30% since my men have taken the seas.

Slimer: And what does this mean captain?

Rockin_Richard: This means that my men have not prepared the safety requirements while in greenhorn school.

Slimer: And would you say something has to be done about this?

Rockin_Richard: Yes, a great change to the production of pirates, I fear that I must be strict with them a little.

Slimer: Well, I believe so! Deaths have become unmerciful due to the fury of the port area! Uhm Captain, do you think the Water Treatment plant has anything to do with this?

Rockin_Richard: Oh no sir, Slimer! I believe it is my own fault for not telling these greenhorns the proper procedure of sea safety

Slimer: Well you admitted it I think! I must say what do you require to become a pirate?

Rockin_Richard: Becoming a pirate is easy as pie! Go through greenhorn school in two days and a full pirate you are ready to be!

Slimer: Wouldn't the short time period that you require make them make them more hazardous to themselves because they have not had enough time to learn the proper safety procedure of the sea?

Rockin_Richard: I have introduced this subject many times and we have 3 trainers ready to train at all times!

Slimer: Three trainers against several more greenhorns? Maybe the lack of full pirates has made the one on one time for the greenhorns insufficient.

Rockin_Richard: I will not listen to this slander! I will head out to the seas right now! And I am to do my job without you telling me!

Slimer: Well this is, Reporter Slimer here at the Urbanville port area saying, Its okay not to learn the proper safety procedure of the sea before getting on a 100 year old ship that could sink any minute. Good day Urbanville and see you next week for our PIRATE REPORT!
Another Day in Urbanville II: PC's Revenge

I know that you're here for an update on...

Another Day in Urbanville!


There isn't one! The writers were too lazy this week to produce any new thoughts!

Sleeping writers.

Who knows?! Maybe they'll get up off their keisters and write!

We won't find out until next week on:

“Another Day in Urbanville II: PC's Revenge!!!!"

Art work was lazily done by Iron_Pants.

>> Comics
Gossip Column

What funky junk is happening in Urbanville?? Juicyfruit or "Mama Love" is
here to tell you!! Perspiring minds want to know!!

(Please note…these are rumors NOT fact...but they could be dissing me because of my creative genius :P I am not here to protect the innocent hehe... Just telling it from my lil Juicy perspective.

Sweet with a Twist of Sass:

Pssss... I just received an epistle from Afro_Chic?!? What else can I the gossip columns you go!! lol I don’t even have to add or do anything hehe!! Affy is very thorough, isn't she? Lol

Straight from Ms. Chic's mouth O_O:

On Iron_Pants, Sacred_Apollyon (man, this cat gets around!!!), and Me.

Let's start from the beginning, okay? :-)

Well one day I was on a corner reciting some poetry when I noticed a weird guy in iron pants walking through the town. Urbanville was small then, so let's just say it was easy for a stranger to stick out and he did. I could feel him staring at me, but I ignored him until BAM! He walked into a pole, in front of the Hustle Alliance. So I helped him up as MrA came running out to see if he was okay. We brought him into the building. That day I met Iron Pants. Months later when I joined, Iron was there too. Sure he's gruff and an alcoholic jerk, but he was always nice and shy when he was around me and I found that cute.

Fast forward...

Then came the Hustle Alliance Party and the punch, I thought it was safe, everyone knows that I don't drink...But the next day, I woke up with a headache in a place that I had never been. Yup, something bad happened. 9 months later, Surfer_Chick was born, I was a mom. *shivers*

I never told him. I wanted to keep it a secret but Surfer kept asking me and asking me who her father was, so I told her and him. From that day on, Iron was in Surfer's life and somewhat in mine. That is until...


He blew into town. I thought he was cute. One day he invited me to an assault with him. He was funny and he joked that his shwolf Irene liked Preston. Then he said that they should date, which is something that most guys in Urbanville tried to pull. I told that to Sacred and he said that they were only trying to do that so they could get closer to me. Silly man, he'd revealed his scheme to me.

Fast forward past the days of flirting, playing, and just being sweet towards each other...

He joined the Family, and then he kidnapped me. Blah. Months after forgiving him, we dated, he asked me to marry him, I said yes.

Iron and Sacred became arch-nemeses because of me. Sometimes I'm torn between the two. Iron fights but once he gets me, I get ignored. Most people, well except Love, believe that I can do better than Sacred. Well mainly the fellas...

They are the polar opposites of each other!

So that's our story from my angle...I would ask the fellas for their sides to the story! ;-)


So there you have it! Hehe I am sure if I asked the guys for their side of the story... It would be about 1 to 3 sentences in one paragraph. LOL
The good, the bad and...Everything in between

Good news: 9 out of 10 Urbaniacs win TPs every single day while in here.

Bad news: You're that tenth Urbaniac who has to wait a month to get one single TP.