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Issue 82

Apr 10, 2007

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Issue 1

>> Editorials
Did he help us?

As you all should know, there is a person in Urbanville who obviously likes to talk smack about the Urbaniacs in this town, this person is called The Masked Editor.

Most of you have been complaining about The Masked Editor, on how he/she/it trash talks about everyone, you all dislike this person one way or another, but what I seem to realize is that The Masked Editor actually helped us, or at least The Family in my opinion, even if we have a bounty on The Masked Editors head.

Yeah yeah, so what, he said we are in tutus, and were lazy or whatever it is he said, the fact is that he got us off of our butts, and actually motivated us to do something about the Heroes and everything else that has a problem with us.

The person behind the mask called us a few names, and insulted us, at least he tried to do something about it, lets face it, we were just sitting there, across the room from the Heroes, throwing insults at each other, what's that proven? It will just go back to the way it was the day before, at least now we're out of the corner and doing what The Family does best, beating up Heroes.

Now I don't want to see anymore of this pansy junk, I want to see The Family beat up others daily, and knock down whoever is in our way, more villainous junk like we're supposed to do.

So I'd like to say, THANK YOU Masked Editor, at least now we're taking off the tutus, and beating up the Heroes that are frolicking in sissy meadows.

Vigilantes...Please Stop

If the members of the Family are tutus wearing pieces of crap and the Hustle Alliance are sissy boys in tights, then the Vigilantes are...Well, nothing. They are the third group on this site and no one cares about them. They are like the little brother that no one wants to play with so you sit him in the corner to play with his toys. As a matter of fact, this editorial isn’t going to be as biting as the other two. Why? Because who sits there and points out an obvious joke? I don’t. Do you?

You have Heroes to the left and Villains to the right. Where are the Vigilantes? They don’t even make the scale. They can’t even see the scale. They aren’t even worthy enough to dust the scale once the Heroes and Villains step down. They aren’t even worthy enough for the dust to hit their skin! Let me be frank here. The Vigilante group is filled with confused nincompoops who are too afraid to man up and pick a side! Have you seen them in the forums? Sometimes they back the Heroes, sometimes The Family, but who is backing them? No one. If Urbanville were to erupt into a riot, I bet you’d find the Vigilantes hovering in a basement holding each other and saying, “When this is all over we will go out, that is if we survive. I’m scared!” Heroes and Villains, do you want to do something great? Find yourself a member of this group and beat them until they pick a side! It should be quite easy, have you seen their stats?

Diddoe is the leader of this group. That’s their first mistake. Anyone who follows a fool is a darn fool and Diddoe is the biggest fool of all!

“One young child and one old man have come together to make history. To not only make history but to save us from our greatest enemy. No not Goatfist, ourselves!”

Tell me something Diddoe, was it hard to pull those words from your arse? Did your arse hurt once you extracted them? Are you able to sit down now? Something in this article smells bad and I know where it’s coming from, YOU.

Do you want to save yourselves from yourselves Vigilantes? LEAVE THE GROUP! Sometimes while listening to Diddoe I wonder if he’s thinking, “This is a load of crap! I can’t believe they are swallowing all of this!” If that were the case, then I would have some respect for him, but he believes it too. Hey Vigilantes, when you’re sick and tired of being brainwashed, pick a side, any side.

Oh boo hoo Vigilantes, making up your mind is hard. Your biggest sin is being boring and thinking that you make a difference, that somehow you can tip the scale of good and evil. In order to do that you have to matter and for the one-thousandth time, I’m going to tell you that you don’t. You get into fights because you’re not sure who to fight. Most of your group can’t even spell “Vigilante.” Shouldn’t that be the first lesson that they learn?

If I were to make an ad about the Vigilantes to put in the Chronicles, I would say:

WANTED: A bunch of sniveling weaklings who are too sweet to be Villains and too evil to be Heroes. Must want to listen to the rantings of an egotistical leader and be willing not to fight. When arguments erupt, must sit there and instigate like a second grade girl in pigtails.

Feh…I would go on with this article, but I believe I made my point. Since I am dealing with the Vigilantes, let me shorten this entire paragraph to one sentence:

You don’t matter; it’s time you realize that.

The Masked Editor

P.S. Apparently there is a poser running around with my name. If you're dimwitted enough to keep my name, then deal with the stupid people who are going diss and vote your avatar junky. Is there something in the water? Or are the majority of the Urbaniacs here slow?

>> Top Stories
Elite Dude: A Portrait of a True Hero

On Saturday, April 7, 2007, Urbanville lost one of its members. Elite_Dude lost his life in Iraq during an ambush on his convoy. Urbanville's citizens were silenced when they heard the news. Murmurs of condolences wafted through the air and made their way to Elite_Dude's family members, Senator_Urbaniac (son) and Goat_buster (nephew).

Oh behalf of the staff here at The Chronicles (yes this does include The Masked Editor) we would like to dedicate this song to Elite_Dude and to his family. Our prayers and best wishes are with you.



Like A Comet
Blazing 'Cross The Evening Sky
Gone Too Soon

Like A Rainbow
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Gone Too Soon

Shiny And Sparkly
And Splendidly Bright
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like The Loss Of Sunlight
On A Cloudy Afternoon
Gone Too Soon

Like A Castle
Built Upon A Sandy Beach
Gone Too Soon

Like A Perfect Flower
That Is Just Beyond Your Reach
Gone Too Soon

Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like A Sunset
Dying With The Rising Of The Moon
Gone Too Soon

Gone Too Soon

Masked Editor Contest

In the Urbanville Chronicles, not to long ago, a writer by the name of Masked Editor dissed the family so bad that they began naming things they would do to him. Talking about instead of doing is rare in the Villains, and made them more confused than a blind dog in a rearranged living room.

Then, right when the Heroes began laughing there capes off, he struck again. But while the Masked Editor keeps talking about how girly foo foo Heroes are, he forgets that Urbanville sure can bite back. So for this, I'm having a contest. Write a paper dissing the mask off of this guy. Try sending it to me, and I'll read it, or a friend of mine will read it, and it will be published in the next Chronicles. Peace.

It Was A Crazy Easter in Urbanville

Easter came a day early in Urbanville when crazy_azn_bd_lover (a.k.a. Crazy) started her Easter Contest with help from DarkAng3L, OGRE, manutd and simbob! She made 18 Urbaniacs themed Easter eggs and hid their urls around Urbanville, in lairs and in the Forums.

When people found an url, they posted it, along with a description of the egg they found, and won 50,000 urbos! There was a one egg perperson limit to keep it fair, and eggs were hidden at various times of the day to accommodate time differences.

Towards the end, Isomaniac donated his winnings which then made the last egg worth 100k! Who won this valuable egg? It was none other than Stormie_Angel! The other winners were Maggot, urbanmaniac, Breaker, Thanatos5150, aq1993, Lilly_Larvae, Love_Child (that's me!), dragoniron, Forever_Grey, manutd, simbob, Joekur, blackavenger, glowstik, jkiejr and Kleep85.

Love: You and DarkAng3L totally created Easter in Urbanville when it would have passed just like any other day, and I have to applaud you both for that. What inspired you to do the Easter contest?

Crazy: Umm, well Dzhelasi and I were bringing the vampires back and I wanted to do something to make an appearance and Easter was just around the corner, and I know how much Urbaniacs love my drawings. XD

Love: Was it difficult to decide which designs to use on the eggs?

Crazy I knew the first couple were important people on the site, first 4 original eggs were Daman, Goat, Affy, and you, Love...then I started drawing those who helped out, and additional things that made my life in Urbanville worthwhile...

Tee hee! I was an original egg. I LOVE my egg! ^_^ *ahem* An Easter_Bunny appeared on the scene the day before Easter and pretty much made a lot of noise about nothing. What is your opinion of this character? Poser? Loser? Well intentioned citizen?

LOL!!! Well, I think he is a poser-ish loser with good intentions, made me think of Grandmother Fruitcake.. Where is she anyways?

One can only speculate. :p The Easter Contest took a lot of work, not just in making the eggs and hiding them, but managing the game itself. How did you handle the craziness of it all?

Oh geez, craziness, waking up at 7am during Spring Break just to get on at the same time as DarkAng3L when going to sleep around 3! Um, lemme see, my crazy peepz that gave me so much support.. Everyone interested in participating, and the look on the faces when a kid found an egg.. like opening presents on Christmas.. ahhhh!

So have you given any thought to Easter 2008? Think you'll be up to the task again?

I'll try to make it an annual Easter Egg hunt but was more thinking towards holding different contests every year, not really the same thing.. hmm, now you got me thinking.. I know, I will make a poll. :D

Please make your wishes known in Crazy's poll! You put your artwork on the Urbanville map when you won the first Holiday Art Contest with your Mistletoe submission. Tell us a little about your creative process.

Well I love drawing, always had.. Affy was going through a romantic period or something, still very confuzzled about her love life, and I just wanted to draw a mistletoe with some spicy action under it, just to spice up the holidays!!!

There was a strong vampire uprising a few months ago when Carveus was spotted in Urbanville. Was that about the time you became a vampire?

That's exactly when it was.. Carveus came back and I had just met Korune in a crazy battle a couple days before.. She told me about her vampirism in our crazy urbgorams after that and it took me some courage to ask to join and Korune said that she had been wanting to ask me to join herself and I didn't have to go through Carveus, Mommie Korune said that she would take care of everything and pretty soon, I was calling Carveus, Auntiie Carvey!

After having such strong communities in Urbanville, the vampires and werewolves seem to have retreated back into the shadows. What the heck happened?

Wow, drama started up again and so Carveus went back into her famous long lasting "sleeps... After that my mommie Korune got tired of drama herself and kicked everyone out of the clan except me and her sisters.. then her crappy computer has been keeping her from suiting up.

What do you think about the current Pirate and Viking uprisings?

Vikings are slightly annoying to me...I think they are going to die down because the vampires are back. The Vikings may want to battle usbut we have awesome stats and we will be superior... And I have insider insight about the Pirates and I don't know if they will be a threat to the Vikings, it seems as if, crew ships will be attacking crew ships...

You're a Big Dog, a visible force of fun in the Forums, you've had multiple gallery showings, been published in the Chronicles, hosted one of the best events in Urbanville, and have been a big supporter of the Art community in the AEIOU... yet during the restructuring of the Family, you found yourself out on your tuckus. Do you have an opinion about why they made you start from the bottom up after you've accomplished so much?

I was mad but I get that the people in the Family have already dedicated so much and they had a guaranteed spot, and that I STILL have to work for mine. After joining the LOS and being more involved I feel like I will in no time but sometimes I have my doubts. I feel like my accomplishments are nothing against some of the other things others have done and maybe, I'm not that good of a villain... I like causing havoc and stuff and I have a short temper but if you get to know me, I'm just a crazy sweetheart.

LOL! Well if the Family doesn't welcome you with open arms, they're nuts. When did your obsession with Oreoz begin?

Ever since I tasted their creamy goodness... I have always loved oreozzz (3 z's :D) but once I joined vampirism, I learned that oreozzz aren't milk's favorite cookies, it's blood's favorite cookie, oreozzz just tasted GREAT with blood and as my taste in blood climaxed, so did my love in OREOZZZ!!! *eats an Oreo* :)

Eww, uh... yummy... Ok... What is your favorite thing to do in Urbanville?

Pfft! the forums, and the old fashion 4 on 4 battles! My favorite game is also the Beatbot game and Solitaire, EASY MONEY!!! :D I also loved (the Vampire) roleplay... hopefully it will get started again...

You've made an impact on Urbanville with all your accomplishments. What's next? What are your Urbaniac goals?

Umm, to continue to draw AWESOME drawings, get my stats super super high, higher than Soul's. Make a training academy or something for newbs and once they are trained and totally learned every nook and cranny of urbs, passing them on to the LOS. Join the Family, become a beatnik, one day! Umm, make super awesome contests and stuff, become a Urbaniacs player that everyone knows and future newbs will be inviting me to all assaults, kinda like Affy but better... maybe learn to write codes and such to help make Urbaniacs, contribute awesome articles to the Chronicles, make my own newspaper, and help the vampire's publicity SKYROCKET!!!!

>> Politics
Pecks and Scratches...

Good afternoon Urbanville! My name is Susie and I work for D.R.A.M.A. which stand for Department of Rivalries and Activities Management of Arch-Nemeses (which is the plural form of nemesis)! Whenever a new Hero or Villain claims their new arch-nemesis, we begin to monitor their interactions. I must admit, some of you are dropping the ball and you aren't even dropping it on your arch-nemesis! I'm very disappointed! I know I don't sound disappointed, but trust me, I am!

We managed to get Afro Chic and The Legal Eagle into a room for a dual interview because they are our favorite pair. We decided to lock them up in a room and didn't allow them to leave until we got newsworthy interview! Much to our surprise, they actually had a conversation without someone needing medical attention! Here are the results of their interview. Enjoy!

Susie D. Rama

P.S. Don't forget to Reach out and SMACK your Arch-Nemesis! It keeps us in business.

Afro Chic: Why do you hate me so much that you would name me your arch-nemesis? Is it because you're jealous?

The Legal Eagle: It's not YOU that I hate... it's just everything you stand for. All your beatnik, hippie, liberal ideology is the polar opposite of what I believe.. Everyone ISN'T cool, special, or deserving of respect. Our ideologies don't line up, and if I've learned only one thing from living in the south, it's that if someone doesn't believe the same thing as you, destroying them is your only option.

But like I said, it's not YOU. If you were an upper crust conservative with a distaste for noobs, we'd be good pals I'm sure.

Afro Chic: Do you REALLY think that you'll destroy me? Really? Because I think Preston could take you out.

The Legal Eagle: Of course I'll destroy you, what sort of an absurd question is that? Preston... Have you checked on him lately, because I'm pretty sure I saw Sacred eating him for breakfast this morning.

Afro Chic: Why are you such a jerk? Is it because you're...frustrated? I haven't seen you with a female ever. Just curious.

The Legal Eagle: WHAT!?!? I'm in a long term committed relationship! Just like all good conservative lawyers should be! She's just not of the Super-Heroic breed so I refrain from talking about her in order to protect her identity from no good super powered trouble makers like yourself.

Afro Chic: Sure...You have a girlfriend but she doesn't live in Urbanville. Any other lies? Anyways, what did you think about the article that The Masked Editor did on me?

The Legal Eagle: While I would love to comment on The Masked Editor's op-ed piece about you, I'm unable to at this time as he is soon to be the subject of a law suit filed by a group of my clients. I will say this though; even the awful mainstream liberal media gets something right once in a while.

Afro Chic: We recently had a battle you and two other Family members verses me. How did it feel to die once again?

The Legal Eagle: Die? Are you unaware of the fact I'm alive, being interviewed by you RIGHT NOW? You hippie beatniks and your illegal substances....

....You lost more health in that battle than I did. Thats all I need to say.

Susie D. Rama: Now let's change sides you two! The Legal Eagle, you may begin.

The Legal Eagle: I never see you fighting against evil that already exists. I mostly see you provoking NEW evil from people like myself who would be too busy otherwise to cause much trouble and then stopping that. Why such a huge love for the Status Quo?

Afro Chic: What evil do you speak of? The Family's newbies? C'mon, why waste my time? Besides, I see you walking around spouting ultra conservative untruths and to me that IS the evil that must be taken down. I can't have you influencing newbies with your nonsensical tripe. As for the Status Quo comment...I'm a Beatnik, I NEVER like Status Quo. It's so...square.

The Legal Eagle: You've gone through quite a few men since you arrived in Urbanville. Do you have a fear of commitment or are you simply a woman with liberal morals.

Afro Chic: Uhh...There are 2 major players in my love life, thank you very much and I'm with one of the right now. I'm a Beatnik and NOT a Hippie, so I don't really do the free love thing. Fear of commitment? I've committed myself to being a thorn in your side and I haven't given that up have I? What's so wrong with dating around? I'm young, who am I hurting?

The Legal Eagle: What do YOU think of the so called "Journalist" that goes by the name The Masked Editor?

Afro Chic: Good question. He makes me laugh. He's a pot stirrer so I guess I like him. There's a part of me that pities him too though, I mean...he only has 1 friend. *looks at TLE* You only have 1 friend too...

Are you friends with the M_E?! No wait, my mistake. You don't have any friends. My bad. Tee hee!

The Legal Eagle: We recently had a battle... How do you feel about being stunned for approximately 8 rounds of a battle?

Afro Chic: Hey man, it was a vacation! I took out zeebert and managed to weaken you big time! All I had to do was walk around waving my saber randomly. I mean, I would think that you two fools would learn how to DUCK when you confuse someone as strong as me. I guess you guys are just stupid.

The Legal Eagle: Do you REALLY think you'll avoid being destroyed by me forever? Sooner or later your luck has to run out....

Afro Chic: This isn't about luck, dear nemmy. You see these claws? Wait, they are saying something. Hold on...

*listens to her claws*

They say that you will NEVER destroy me! They also say that you would think we were an item...Considering the amount of scratch marks you have all over your body.

*puts her claws down*

Not only will I avoid being destroyed by you; I will laugh in your face every time I thwart your attempts.