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Issue 71

Jan 27, 2007

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Issue 1

>> Top Stories
SNAPS: We did it da Beatnik way!

*Walks in with an envelop and taps the mic before speaking*

Finally, finally, the SNAPS contest has come to and end
But before we pack up our stuff, there are a few things that we need to mend
For you see there was a winner crowned and this cat was joined by two
He did the solo thing while they talked about the H.A. and Fam crews
DarkAng3L came in second with her later submission about the H.A.
While Soul_Corruptor came in third, making sure that the Family had their say
Remember in this contest you were judged on creativity, your flow, sticking to the rules, and originality
And before folks grumble Love's poem couldn't win for she was a secret judge you see
I feel that if I keep talking the anxiety will blow up many pacers... *opens envelope*
So let me introduce the first winner of SNAPS: Doin' it the Beatnik way:


Congrats on a truly original poem and winning the contest
Now everyone check out his poem and see why it's the best!

Name's Gizmo_Tracer, I'm a wild stallion.
Might be a fighter, but I'm in no battalion.
Poetry in motion but all soliloquy.
I got no corporate backers, I'm pure indie.
I'm not in a crew, I gotta do my own thing;
I've got no signal watch, membership or decoder ring.
Mad props to the HUSTLE, but it's strictly platonic;
I'm fighting crime on a whole other harmonic.

A one man orchestra, with trumpets and strings.
Keepin' it real, with a minimum of bling.
I'm a beatnik at heart but I'm not sweetness and light:
Y'know I'm gonna rock out and I'll fight for the right.
I'm a solo artist, but I love a jam session;
Henchlings give you trouble, give me one sec to freshen.
We'll do a case-by-case team-up, Defender style.
Name's Gizmo_Tracer, and that's my profile.
Villain Drops Name for New Bridge
Thanks to the Mayor's new contest, the new highway in Urbanville will have the name of "Just B Causeway." Neon_Green, member of The Family, brings much pride to his fellow members.

Enjoy your +25 training pass and the accolades homey! You deserve them!

This is Scoop_McFanny saying...If it's news and it's hot you can expect me to beat the others to the punch!
>> Editorials
Every Batman needs a Batmobile
”Well it was none other than the Mayor back then. DaMan himself! The Mayor secretly invited the group to his office at the City Hall. There, the Heroes with DaMan had a meeting and discussed the later problems of Urbanville. At the end of a long session DaMan looked at the four heroes critically and decided they had what it took to handle the situation."

“Mini guns?”

“...Um...Er...No, no nothing like that.”

“But mini guns back then rocked there was this ancient movie “Die Hard” in which...”

“Can we go on already?”


“They had the courage and the determination it took to execute a mission for him.”

“What mission?”

“They needed to steal equipment as soon as possible. You see, Goatfist already had under his control most of the shops of Urbanville including the garage of the city and the now famous Freaky’s Auto Hut. Their first priority was to get themselves vehicles!”

“Why was that a fist priority?”

“Cause Heroes look cool in vehicles! If they were to do something, they should do it with style! So R.M.D.U. head there the very same night. All was quite, the guard was playing Goatfist of Furry on his PC and the Heroes sneaked past him gracefully with ease. They entered the garage unnoticed and then…BANG! The lights were open and the place was full of henchlings!”

“Finally! Three pages of story and not a single battle!”

“...Um...Er...Anyway...The Heroes were outnumbered; things didn’t look so groovy at the time. Madmordican almost got overrun by henchlings but DarkAng3l got in the way and saved him only to be overrun herself. Rackman been powerful was cutting his path through the henchlings as if they were butter but had little time aiding the others. Darkterror used his gift and scared away the henchlings that trampled Darkang3l while Madmordican ran like Kenderis on steroids and through himself inside a Tankito!”

“Sounds like a blast!”

“And a blast it was! Madmordican blasted the wall of Freaky’s auto hut into pieces along with numerous henchlings! The chaos that followed gave the Heroes the moments they needed to act! Before you could say: Tony Blur without America is like Robin without Batman, the Heroes grabbed their vehicles and disappeared. Darkang3l left the building riding a Big Hoss bike while Darkterror took with him a Souped Swoop Coupe. Last come Rackman driving over the henchlings with his Thrash! Their first mission had come to past and soon the Heroes along with DaMan celebrated their success in the Mayors office. But they were all of them deceived… for another ring was made.”


- “...Um...Er...Sorry, wrong story. Truth is they were deceived for Goatfist had already made his move and set his sinister plan into motion...”

“What plan?”

End of Part three!
Lots of people are asking me, "How come you eat garlic and your a vampire?" (SIMBOB, lol)
Lots of people are asking me, "How come you sleep on a bed and your a vampire?" (SIMBOB, hehe)
Lots of people are asking me..."How come you like pink?!?!?!" (EVERYONE!!!)

I have one question for you:

"Am I normal?"

I can predict the answer to that!

Oh and...Lots of people talk about me these am the trend!!! YEY ME!!! And no...They're not insults...Hehe!

Oh yeh...And my name is manutd(really it's manupinkmeepervampireboy)it's abbreviated for "Manchester United" the BEST football(soccer) club ever!!!! :D In everyones opinion, lol!

...Not what other people think it abbreviates! hehe


*gets dragged out by some henchlings*


*comes running back in*

Yes so....

*police come and take manutd out of room*

*you hear manutd saying*

Ok ok! I am going! Calm down! It's not as if I had anything else to say! (lol)
The Mystery of the Meat...

Many people have heard about an urbaniac named Meat_woman315. People want to know more about her. Here is some info. Meat_woman originated from my own alter ego's alter ego. So I really have two alter egos. Meat_woman came from my alter ego's facsination with meat. He really liked it. He ate it with cereal, chips, cookies anything my ego would eat. He would even eat it raw. YUCK! Well if you want to know more just come and ask me. I will put more info about me in the Chronicles.

Love to hear from you.

There seems to be a mass selling of robopooches lately and there seems to be a lot of questions floating around. One Urbaniac said "why is everyone selling up? is there a problem with them?" Some rumors have also been floating around about "bad programming," but an afrolicious funk daddy from Funk's Depot stated, "Yo dudes I personally check out all the sidekicks in my store there ain't no problem down here ya dig?"

So what’s the problem? Why is everyone selling them? Well I traveled down to the Pawn Brokers and questioned the owner of the place.

Simbob: Why do you think there's been a mass selling spree of robopooches lately?

Owner: My guess is because I give a "fair" price for them and they want the newer things like those expensive "Nadias."

Simbob: From the sound of your voice you do not like Nadias, any reason?

Owner: Yeah, they're putting me out of business! No one is buying these stupid pooches and by Urbanville's Law I gotta buy them if you pay the right price! So I'm spending money I simply ain't got.

Simbob: Oooook then. Do you personally like the pooches?

Owner: Yeah they're great! I took one for myself. They have amazing stats for their price (and by that I mean my price). Sure they can't steal but they'll never question you. They are always willing to protect you and they don't malfunction like the pesky bots.

Well I hope that this has cleared up all the questions there is about robopooches. Apparently there is nothing wrong with them, so everyone help out the pawn broker and BUY THOSE POOCHES. You know he has helped us all out by buying our unwanted goods.

P.S. If I don't help out the guy he said he would break my legs. So please help out, I like my legs. :P
The Final Quest Part One
“Uh oh!” Afro-licious Funk Daddy said, “This looks bad.”
“Yeah!” Terrible Erratic Bloke replied,” Let’s go get Super Speedy Dude and Freaky Sneaky Tiki.”

Afro-licious Funk Daddy and Terrible Erratic Bloke were out looking for shards of the Master Emerald, when they saw a large palace. The palace had an eerie glow to it. “That looks weirndom!” Afro-licious Funk Daddy exclaimed, “Let’s go search it!”
“Shards of the Master Emerald might be hidden inside!” Terrible Erratic Bloke said, “Let’s go!”

As Afro-licious Funk Daddy and Terrible Erratic Bloke got closer to the spooky palace they saw a number of guards... All doing something... SLEEPING! Afro-licious Funk Daddy and Terrible Erratic Bloke continued towards the palace, they looked for the door. When they found it, it was very...