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Issue 70

Jan 19, 2007

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>> Editorials
Grrrrrr: The Life of a Wereboy by Preston B. Wereboy
I know you all look at me as I transform into a wereboy. I see you staring, but do you know what’s going on behind these wereboy eyes? Do you know my thoughts? My cares? No, of course you don’t, but once I finish this story you will find out that not all wereboys are the same.

It all started when I was selected to be Afro_Chic’s wereboy (why get into my birth? I was born, there enough said). Synjen smiled at me and told me that I was going to have fun with her, but I wasn’t sure. She looked nice, but that didn’t stop me from being shy. She thanked Synjen and extended her hand so I could take it. I meekly walked over to her, gently took her hand and asked, “What do I call you? Ms. Chic?” She smiled and said, “Only if you’re nastay!” I didn’t get the Janet Jackson reference until she explained it to me. “I think I’ll call you Preston,” she said. “I know it sounds a bit nerdy but it also gives you an air of class. For short, I’ll call you Chico and you can call me Chica. That way we are partners and not some mother-wereboy team.” She then looked me in the eyes and said, “Preston, prepare yourself for a wild ride! You’re going to love the Hustle Alliance! There are other wereboys you can play with, including Mikey who is my boss’ wereboy, but I need to know that I can trust you. Can I? Will I always have your loyalty no matter what?” I stared into those dark brown eyes for a moment as the shyness left my body. “You got it Chica! Though be patient with me, I tend to get shy around people that I don’t know.” I noticed a slight curl in her lips as her eyes softened. “Don’t worry,” she laughed as we walked out of Synjen’s office, “A few days with me and the flirt bug will get ya!”

I’ve been with my Chica ever since. I was there when she made her change to the Family and then back to the Hustle Alliance. I’ve protected her from hits and she has always avenged my death when people take me out during battles. She always applauds me when I steal burritos for dinner. We will always be a team. She’s even taking me to the gym, so I’m much stronger now.

So here is my true story. I love hanging with my Chica and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else so please stop asking her to sell me. I’m not going anywhere! I can guarantee that!

This is me. Preston, the furry Casanova. Preston, writer extraordinaire. Preston, wereboy of Afro_Chic, why would I want another life?

*flips a backward peace sign*
Dear Diary, by Maxi, The_Grim_Repah's Shwolf
Dear Diary,

Today Porco Rosso took me to the theatre! He was very dashing! He had on a new suit, with a gold-lined cape! We arrived at the theatre via limo, and it had been raining that Saturday night, so there was mud on the way into the theatre, and you'll never guess what he did! He took off his gold-lined cape, laid it down onto the mud, and escorted me over it! I asked him why he did it afterwards, and said I was worth it! Oooh! We walked into the theatre, and it was called Gato on a Hot Tin Roof! It was marvelous! I was really surprised by the ending! While we were walking out, P.R. noticed my new earrings. He said he loved them, and he thought I looked absolutely marvelous! After the theatre, we went to a restaurant called the Restaurant très Luxueux. It was simply divine! P.R. ordered Bifteck, and I ordered Crevette. It was about as perfect as perfect gets! When we left the restaurant, P.R. drove me home, and walked me up to my house again. I think this night was about as good as it gets.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot! Over the past week, we had been taking ballroom dance lessons, and Porco Rosso told me that the next date, we dance!

Forever leaving memories here,

Maxi, The_Grim_Repah's Shwolf
SNAPS Contest Comin' to an End
Just a reminder folks! This contest will be over tonight (Sunday) at 12 am, Urbaniacs time!

So if you think that you got the poetry skills to win first place, I suggest you follow the link:

The prizes include:

First place: +25 tp and 50,000 urbos
Second Place: +15 tp and 35,000 urbos
Third place: +5 tp and 20,000 urbos

The panel of judges are beginning to review the selections...

Do you think you got what it takes to impress them???

Prove it!

*winks as her Hero collah pops*
>> Top Stories
Urbo Chunks!
I was walking through the slums of Urbanville’s wannabe city and I saw they were planning to swap rides for mutant cars that are stuck on 1 stupid channel jazz…aaaaaahhhhhh! When I went to investigate these cars I saw Goatfist (yes our Goatfist) talking to this ugly mutant scrab man thingy. I quickly grabbed a nut slinger, slinging it into this scrab man's face. I then quickly ran to the Urbanville Defense System and in about 3 minutes all of the defense enforcers jumped into our regular rides (not the mutant ones) with nut slingers and a whole lot of nuts.

When we got there we had to face a whole lot of pimple faced jazz liking flingos of course they were allergic to nuts so I grabbed a peanut butter bomb and when I threw it I saw them all blow chunks. All those chunks moved into a freakishly large and chunky nerd flingo with a defense against allergies so we all got out of our funky cars and grabbed our urbo sabers. “FOR URBANIACS,” we said and started to cut chunks out of this freakish fiend. Then, I did some rock climbing up his chunky body and put my urbo saber in the middle of his glasses. As soon as the glasses were cut he melted to a bad smelling pile of muck.

This was my bad experience.
The Family Management
The Family has begun management of Urbanville's most necessary services. The WTP (Water Treatment Plant) is under Family Management. Dudeman, The founder of the WTP, has this to say: "We remove the impurities from water to make it safe and consumable for ALL Urbaniacs." The opening of the WTP has been fully endorsed and approved by The_Legal_Eagle. Here is his endorsement: "Finally, a respectable member of the business community has stepped up to handle the towns water quality levels. Private investment is the best way to solve problems, and I'm glad DudeMan has seen fit to help solve this one."

Not only will the WTP be providing clean water to all of Urbaniacs, It will also be developing new cutting edge products and technology. The first product coming to a Speedy's Java Hut near you is "h2WHOA". Developed by none other than the WTP's founder, Dudeman. According to Dudeman, h2WHOA will give you a feeling of flying. One can of h2WhOA will negate all the stresses of Urbaniacs; the drama in the forums, the prop and urbo begging, the bullying, the bashing, the whining, the crying, etc. All of these can be cured by drinking h2WHOA. Its secret ingredients are heavily guarded by over caffeinated security guards at the WTP. So, the next time your feeling down, grab a h2WHOA. It gives you wings!!!!

Also, starting next week, Your Water payments will be due by the fifth of every month to avoid interruption to your crib's water service. If you pay after the fifth, you will incur a 5 urbo late fee and a urbo reconnect fee. This is the first of many services now under control of The Family Management. Look forward to hearing more from them and the WTP as we work hard to make a better Urbanville.

- WTP's Marketing Director
>> Politics
The Voices of the Vigilantes
With the restructuring of The Family some may say that the H.A. is going to achieve the upper hand in the good vs. evil war, some may say that this "new" Family will be stronger and more villainous than ever and it will bring Urbanville to its knees however, they are wrong!!!

The vigilantes has recently been gathering recruits, gathering strength, and most of all have been gathering ideas. We are looking for people who are willing to contribute to the group by being active and helping others out (we always battle together and help out newbs with advice and props), as a trainer of the academy (check crew forums) I hope to be able to help you reach your potential. However we do expect you to help yourself become the best you can be.

Our mission: Our sole mission is to liberate Urbanville and give it back to the public instead of a few select (or elite) few that seem to think it is theirs to control by right.

Our motto : Always remember it's not always as it seems to be.

Remember we want you!

P.S check out the forum in the crews section to join up.