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Issue 69

Jan 13, 2007

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>> Editorials
You betta WORK IT!
It’s funny, I never thought I would get so much praise about my street wear but I was wrong. It seems as though whenever I step into a battle someone else is praising me because I’m so color coordinated. What’s my response? Well some call me the Mistress of Funk so it is my duty to remain funky! The way I see it is like this:

If I were a Sludge I would rather get my butt kicked by someone who is aesthetically pleasant. That way before I die, I could have something interesting to look at.

So how about everyone stop looking at me and get out to Striking's Casual Gear and by your own fly gear! In the words of RuPaul:

"I have one thing to say: You better work!"
Draven's Return
I interviewed Draven_The_Driven about his return to Urbaniacs.

Az: What did you leave for?

Draven: *Props his chair on two legs and puts feet on the table* Lets Say it was some expending Family work. The rest of the Family high rollers had pressing diplomatic work to attend to (except Soul...He just corrupts souls) so they sent their youngest officer to do the footwork. The first job was to find out where Carveus had been hiding, which explains her return weeks after I left. The second task was casing New Family HQ's. The rest is "highly classified information" but lets just Say the H.A. has some surprises in their future.

Az: How does it feel to return?

Draven: *Smiles a conceited half-smile* You know what they say Az, there's no place like home. I'm just happy to find that none of my ladies are betrothed and none of my friends have had any short-comings. I am somewhat perplexed though; I would have thought The Family would have taken over by now...

Az: Did you miss anyone while you were gone?

Draven: I missed quite a few but I’m not one to promote jealousy...Everyone I missed knows who they are...But I did miss Drunky, my pig...He wasn’t up for the trip. (Hangovers and jetlag don’t mix)

Az: How long were you gone for?

Draven: I was gone for months that felt like years. But time flies when you party in 8 different continents...Including Urbanville. Crazy nights man followed by bad mornings though...

Az: What did you miss most about Urb while you were gone?

Draven: The 3 F's..Freestyling, Flirting, and Fighting

Az: If you stayed on all the time you left during, how many urbos do you think you would have gotten?

Draven: There’s things that are much more important to me then urbos Az...but let's just say I'm freaking broke...You would not believe how much money you can blow in Urb Vegas...

Az: Thanks for letting me interview you Draven.

Draven: Thank you for your time Az

*Vanishes into the shadows with cloak wrapped around him*
Unleashed: Part 2

A cloudless night revealed crude shapes closing in from every side, their twisted bodies slinking along the frost-covered ground. Wereville stood with his bare feet planted into the sharp blades of tall, frozen grass, trying to shake the stench of the approaching Henchlings from his heightened sense of smell. Uncontrollable shivers shot up and down his spine; but it wasn’t the cold that touched him tonight. A full moon called to him above the rancid smell of the creatures bent on tearing him limb from limb. It took everything within him to hold off that alluring siren’s song.

“I’m locked onto forty-eight of ‘em. The nearest just reached the perimeter.” Caleb had nearly mastered his new body and all its uses within the week following that terrible day.

Wereville couldn’t hear the now-metallic voice of his faithful sidekick without a wave of guilt flooding already pained thoughts. It really was all his fault. Sidekicks should never be led into danger like the two of them had faced on that day. Funneling the guilt deep into his gut, he focused the rising anger into his strongest super power. Without warning the hunted became the hunter as he burst through the encircling ranks of Henchlings with his Warp Drive. Not a single enemy stood as Wereville completed his circle and slowed down to normal speed only seconds later.

“Another trap,” he said to Caleb as he inspected the few conscious Henchlings trying to crawl into the shadows.

“We must be getting closer to the truth of it.”

“Indeed, my young Padawan,” Wereville said with a forced smile and a chuckle.

They took a moment to laugh under the light-flooded night, human and machine voices mixing to form an awkward noise. The two still shared a deep friendship; but things had been strained in the days following Caleb’s fatal beating. Wereville would give every Urbo and item he owned to return Caleb to Wereboy form.

“Something is coming at us; but I can’t seem to lock onto it.” Caleb’s laughter quickly became the sharp, metallic pitch of concern.

Wereville reached for his Urbo-Saber on instinct, pulling it from his waist a heartbeat before he was hit with the force of a sledgehammer. His face wasn’t able to register pain before his body came crashing against the hard ground, skipping a few paces before he landed on his back among the icy weeds and scattered Henchling bodies, looking up into the pale face of the moon.


A harsh crunching of metal soon became a heavy silence.

Breath returned to him first, followed by the insatiable moon-lust. Fear for Caleb pushed him to seek the raw power pulsating beneath his frozen skin. As he sat up with sharp claws extending from his stiff fingers, the hair began to flow down his body in thick waves. The pain vanished in an instant, leaving only the familiar, gnawing hunger and an uncontrollable rage. Through his heightened sight, he saw Caleb tossed aside like a chunk of flattened metal. Anger filled him from the now-dominate animalistic senses. His anguish came out in a harsh growl as he faced the shadowy figure with its Night Pecs and Shield and a pulsating, pink Urbo-Saber.

“My pup!” Shouted words became a bone-chilling howl as hurled himself against the stranger.
>> Top Stories
Keepin' It In The Family?
On January 9, 2007, The Family members were rocked with a letter from The_Legal_Eagle (TLE) titled, "The Family is dead, long live The Family." In this letter TLE stated that "The Family as it has been known is no more. The Family as it was meant to be is finally here."

What does this mean for the old Family? Well, let's just say many of its members have found themselves out in the streets without a group to call their own.

I'm keeping my eyes on this.

This is Scoop_McFanny saying...If it's news and it's hot you can expect me to beat the others to the punch!
>> Comics
QUOTES STOLEN BY ZOOMER (Another Double-Whammy)
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Stolen from Mark Twain - Writer/Humorist

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
Stolen from Somerset Maugham - Playwright/Novelist

(Hey! Wait a minute! Why, you...!)

Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.