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Issue 66

Dec 24, 2006

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Issue 1

>> Editorials
Outrage at Slander
It has been known for some time that there is a somewhat darker part of the population of Urbanville, namely us, the vampires.

There's also that annoying werewolf, what's his name again...? Ah well, it's not important, but back to the point.

In issue 65 of our usually reliable Chronicles, there was a terrible article by the one Elf of Urbanville, namely Thanatos.

He publish terrible slander about my family. Whilst yes, I have decided to expand my family, but is that a crime? Is it so bad for me to want a large family of my own? Whilst Uncle Vladdy prefers to keep a small family, just him and his *shudder* Brides, I'm a big girl now living in the big city all by myself and I can do what I want now thank you very much Uncle.

However, I do see how this article shows the concerns of this fair city, and so I am more then willing to be interviewed by any of your reporters, so that we can come to an understanding and thus all live together a bit more happily in Urbanville.

....And before you ask, it is tomato soup. It's cold in the crypt ok, and I like tomato soup.


This has been Carveus, I hope you liked the report.
Wereville Part 1
Awareness, of a sort, hovered just beyond sight, past a red mist that clung to his vision. Washed out thoughts slid across an empty mind, leaving no trace of their passing like a footprint meeting the ocean. Sound alone began to break through the barrier.
At first the words came in thunderous booms. The shock from the sudden sensations sent a ripple through his vision. The mist seemed to lighten to the red that had lain underneath, a bright red like a plane of stained glass.
A single word shattered the void.
Shards of memory came together like metal to the magnet. Yes, that was his name. His eyes were drawn to a young man that stood over him. The red tint made focusing on that worried face hard. Questions began to bubble up; but those sharp eyes and familiar face settled his racing mind. Even with the tint, Caleb knew that face. His Master and friend let a smile cross the face that always seemed to have some scruff growing wild. Wereville locked his world into focus. After what seemed an age of gathering scattered memory, Wereville spoke again.
“Caleb, everything is going to be alright. The doctors were able to save you.”
He opened his mouth to reply, but no sound came out. With close to full awareness, Caleb realized he felt his mouth opening and closing without control. Something was different. He could see to an extent. His hearing had returned; and he thought he could move. What was it? He didn’t feel anything at all. Pain or hunger, tiredness or thirst did not seem to register to him.
“Stay still, Caleb. They said you shouldn’t try to move for a few days.”
He knew his Master better than that. Wereville couldn’t lie to keep his granny from trying to cross the street.
“Ok, buddy. So it’s pretty bad.” A reddened Wereville took a nearby seat. “I got you here just in time; but there was nothing they could do to save your body. I had to make the choice.”
Caleb couldn’t understand. He didn’t know where he was or why he was there. Wereville looked so real. But this must be a dream...
“We had to put you inside a Robo-Pooch.”
The finality of Wereville’s tone settled his thoughts. This was reality. He still thought of himself as the wereboy that had trained for over 6 months with Wereville, growing stronger and closer to his Master each day. Caleb couldn’t remember what had happened, but he did know that Wereville would see him through anything.

The End, Part 1
Big Dogs Gone Wild
I'm sure most everyone has seen the debate raging in the Big Dogs forum. As with everything there are two sides of this argument as well.

In one corner Tiger_Eyes (Myself=P), Afro_Chic, and CrimsonKing, argue that this forum should be a rite of passage, not something that is given freely.

In the other corner Love_Child and Maggot strongly support the believe that anyone with 5000 props get in.

Others go back and forth on the issues, but so far these five have been the most outspoken.

Whether you believe that you are a Big Dog or not, the fact is the forum is a dangerous place for urbaniacs lacking communication skills.

Looking back I see where it all went wrong. Someone made a thread asking to be a Big Dog. Now that might not seem like a big issue to most folks. But in the Big Dogs forum, where the players are undoubtedly more serious about their roles in Urbanville, it was the beginning of disaster.

Look kiddies, the Big Dogs are the strongest and most opinionated players you'll ever meet in Urbanville. You can't make a thread asking if you're a Big Dog and not get honest feedback, ok check that, in the words of Crimson "Brutally Honest Feedback" *giggles*

Here's how Tiggz see's it *smiles* If you think you're ready to join the Big Dog pack, just swipe your card in the thread DaMan created for that purpose : ,ever new Big Dog gets a brand new platinum card to swipe. For most of you, that will be it. Some of you unfortunately have a bad posting history, your journey to the Big Dog pack will be harder. That doesn't mean you should give up, it means you should try harder to be a funky poster. Please don't make a special thread for yourself asking us what we think about you. If you do make a thread, be forewarned, Big Dogs are not gentle creatures, especially not in their own forum.

I hope this helps some of you with your desire to become one of the Big Dogs.

I also hopes this means I can stop cleaning up the blood from the attacks some of you have gotten=P

>> Business
Where's the Beef
The FAMILY in conjunction with M-Corp Industries, LLC had to recall 10,000 of their patented "Burrito Maggo-Grande" sold to Speedy's Java Hut. Some dastardly, devious and dangerously demented connoisseur of bad taste has taken all the beef-by-products out of the FAMILY'S signature burritos and replaced it with Tofu. Regular patrons of Speedy's were found in total pandemonium after biting into their burritos and finding the white blocks of bean curd. They were shouting, "Where's the beef?".

The FAMILY is running a full-scale investigation to find out how this could have happened. Who would do such a thing? Is this the work of a villain with bad taste or maybe a Fruitcake perhaps? Though it has not been substantiated as of yet, an animal right group calling themselves "The Twin's" has claimed responsibility for the act of bad taste.

The FAMILY is offering a year's supply of "Burrito Maggo-Grandes" and Supa_Water to anyone who knows the whereabouts of "The Twin's".

>> Politics
Santa: An interview
I went to the North Pole recently and I interviewed, on the 20th of December 2006, Santa Clause. It wasn’t easy to get into the workshop, but the elves let me in after I asked 6 times.

Az: How many presents have you made?
Santa: I made 14 for every Urbaniac, so that equals about 885,122 presents.

Az: How many Elves do you have?
Santa: I have 19 amazing Elves that help me work, but the oldest, wisest Elf is named Elfred, he is 54.

Az: Has Goatfist been Naughty or Nice?
Santa: Goatfist is at the top of my naughty list, but he can still become good on the days leading up to Christmas.

Az: What about Mayor_DaMan?
Santa: Mayor has been very nice; I don’t think he will ever be on the naughty list.

Az: Have you thought about moving location?
Santa: I was thinking of moving to Urbanville, but there is too much crime there involving Henchlings, Sludges and others like that.

Az: Have I been good?
Santa: That’s for me to know and you to not find out.

Az: Last question, how long have you and Mrs Clause been married?
Santa: Tomorrow will be our 456th anniversary, does that answer your question?

Az: Thanks for letting me interview you Santa.
Santa: Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!