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Issue 61

Nov 24, 2006

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>> Editorials
Urbobirthday Surprise
On the 6th of April, for my birthday, I received a letter from Mayor_DaMan to come to his office for a present. I followed the directions and when I arrived, he pushed my Urbo Gato and I in a portal that led me to a different universe.
I was in an arena and I was being wedgie tossed by the one, the only, Afro-Liscious Funk Daddy!
I convinced him to stop, he put me down but made me listen to one of his Boogie Songs!
I couldn’t stand it, it was being sung by Mayor_DaMan and Afro-Liscious!
Then Goatfist and Henchlings came and started dancing like there was no tomorrow.
I was sick of it, so I used my Evil Eye on everyone.
I destroyed the Henchling and Afro, but Goatfist and Mayor used a combined move on me…THE WINNING FIST OF FURY!
It knocked me back through the portal and when I fell back to the normal world, Mayor_DaMan, Jeff_Hardy, Afro_Chic, Strength_Powr, The_Emulator, Love_Child and many other of my homeys were singing,” HAPPY BIRTHDAY.”
I hope my Birthday is this good next year!
Prologue: The Path of the Sith
Part I
It seemed to be that certain time at night when the entire world was still. So late in the evening that the darkness suffocates you and the quite is deafening. I lay still on the floor of a cheap studio apartment with only a wool blanket covering my legs.

Finally, a low hum breaks the deadness, it is my data/com link. My Master calls. He speaks in a slow deliberate voice as I hang on his every word. It has been a long time since I have had a mission. As he rambles on, I realize that this is no ordinary mission. This is my final test. The details are vague, "..get to Ubanville...".

Usually, I am outfitted with the latest gear and weapons but this time, my Master gives me nothing. Why.... I must get what I need once I am there. He finishes with very few details then he cuts me off. This mission is the strangest yet. An assignment with no specified target. That will follow. Even stranger, I must do something that I have never done before.

If you want more, check my lair for the back story and tune in for the next chapter printed here in your Chornicle !!!

>> Top Stories
A Time For Truth
An outrageous myth about Urbanville needs to be revealed.

The Hustle Alliance and its members make themselves out to be "Heroes". They pretend like they have some moral compass that's better than the average super powered individual's. This is just false.

Recently I was discussing some business with a client of mine who was having trouble with some permits at his burrito factory. We were in a dark alley quietly discussing how to remove the obstacles he was facing when suddenly we were assaulted by a notorious member of the Hustle Alliance; Afro_Chic.

Picture that. A "Hero" jumping a respected lawyer and his client out of the blue. Not only did she catch us off guard and slightly injure us, she STOLE from us. Thats right, she is a simple thief. She pilfered 2 burrito samples from an upcoming product line and a bottle of prescription medication. Which only confirms what I've said all along; the Hustle Alliance is full of pill popping thugs.

How long will this despicable behavior be allowed from Hustle Alliance members? Is this the sort of values and morals it takes to be a Hero these days? If so, I'm proud to be involved with a respectable organization like The Family.

Still get adjusted to life in Urbanville? If the answer is yes, then you need some FUNC! Where can you find FUNC? In the newbies forum!
Have you noticed? There's a club forming just for new Urbaniacs. Come on down to the newbies forum and check out the Funcky Urbaniacs Newbies Club. It's a place where you can get down with your fellow citizens and find out what's up, check out the happening places around town, or just talk. There has been a rumor that you might just run into some props posting there, too!
This is a new club, so you can be a charter member and help determine its direction. Come on down!
>> Comics
Quotes Stolen by Zoomer (Double Shot)
"You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take."
*Stolen from Wayne Gretzky - Hockey Legend

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
*Stolen from Douglas Adams - Author