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NOT SO GIANT METEOR HITS CITY
Massive destruction was widely avoided yesterday when the atmosphere turned a giant meteor into a tiny rock the size of a fingernail. Blast-Off Rocket Captain rushed to the scene to defeat the plummeting rock only to accidentally swallow and nearly choke on it. A glass of water was quickly administered and B-ORC was able to successfully swallow. Relieved, Mayor DaMan was overheard saying, "This too shall pass."
SPECIAL REPORT: How I overcame ACS,
Akimbo Cramping Syndrome is an affliction that affects 1 out of 17 Urbaniacs. "It's due to the fact that I spend several hours a day posing heroically," says Mighty Cowboy Guy, whose pose consists of chest pumped out and fists on waist. "You feel a burning in your forearms at first and then you get this twinge in you shoulders. I’ve tried everything, acupuncture, chiro, meditation, but nothing worked. Then, Lunar Moonbeam Princess told me that my posture was all wrong. "It's not so much the chest out, as it is chin up. Ever since then, I've never felt better!"
Goatfist's Write Off
In a unscrupulous attack that shocked the students and teachers of Urbanville High, Evil mastermind GoatFist has stolen all of the #2 pencils and secretly replaced them with #3 pencils. Super Speedy Dude was first on the scene (as usual) "All I found was his trademark hoof print and a note that said "Standardize This!" The big losers in all of this are the students of Urbanville High, who unfortunately have to retake all of their tests. U.H. Student Lloyd Goon was quoted as saying "Arrgh GoatFist! His evil knows no boundaries!"
JenQ here, dishing the dish on all your fav Urbaniacs. Get this: Everyone's favorite funk man, Afro-Liscious Funk Daddy, was recently spotted dining out with none other than Striking Viking Vixen!! Vixen's current boy toy, Mighty Cowboy Guy, was nowhere to be seen. Later, at an after- hours party, Funk Daddy and Vixen were seen getting their groove on. No word yet on whether the Boogie Finger was used.
That's the dish… JenQ very much.