New double parking laws have made it especially hard on local super heroes. One such super hero was outraged. "I get back to my car with the bad guy in tow, and guess what? My car is also in tow! And while I'm arguing with the tow truck driver – the bad guy gets away! And if you thinking I’m paying this ticket, then you are super crazy!"

Notoriously thrifty super-villain The Coupon was thwarted today during his evil attempt to short-circuit an appearance by vertically-challenged rap star 15 Cents. "This offer is void where prohibited" exclaimed Elephantic Gigantic Vigilantic as brought his special aroma of justice down on The Coupon. 15 Cents was so overjoyed by the rescue, a tear fell from his eye... or maybe that was just Elephantic Gigantic Vigilantic.

This year, The Super Image catalog reports their hottest selling item is the Futility Belt. "It's like
a utility belt, but without all the useful stuff. We give it a fun twist. Like instead of that heavy
grappling hook, we give you a set of adjustable electric napkin rings. And the pouch where the smoke bomb pellets usually go? That we fill with butterscotch candies." Futility belt will be available soon in a plethora of sassy colors.