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Issue 205

Nov 19, 2012

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Issue 1

>> Top Stories
Urbaniacs Secrets Part four

This time the reveal is about the false prophecy of the Urbodamas. He was claimed to be a prophet and said the world would end twice and both times he was wrong yet some people still believe him. I have paid him a few times to hear a prophecy and each time I did he said that I would be elected as Mayor or deputy mayor that day and each time I wasn't even running a campaign yet alone nominated for it. Then I noticed something weird when I was standing at the back door of his business.

"These fools will believe anything as long as I keep spouting nonsense and making it sound believable." Urbodamas said. I myself smirked because I finally had proof that he was wrong. In fact I had heard his newest end of the world thing is a Chicken army riding on turtles will signal the end times three days ago by the printing of this article.

Advantages and disadvantages of being a collector

So I don't think it's any surprise that I've got almost every item known to exist in urb. That is not all, but most - I think I'm missing somewhere around 100 pieces, mostly cash items or one-off special prizes. But as we learned from our friendly neighborhood Spiderman, or rather his Uncle Ben (why does that guy like rice so much?), "With great power comes great responsibility." So is true with my hoard.

Here are a few pros and cons of having this much stuff...
I can imitate just about anyone's look
I look good in everything
I can always find something to match
I can look completely different than everyone else
I get compliments and questions about my gear
I can help others understand some urb history
I have become a resource for pricing items
I have stuff very few urbs have

It takes me forever to process a trade
My inventory is too large
I trip over items when I walk in the room
I need an organizational system to know what I do/don't have
I'm constantly asked to sell/loan items to other urbs
I have to have everything (just like Pokemon - gotta catch em all!)
In order to get cash/rare items, I need to rely on other urbs & pay premium prices
I have a second account to manage multiple/duplicate items

All in all, I take the responsiblity of resident quartermaster very seriously. I enjoy the hunt for rare items, and that urbs respect my opinion enough to ask for help finding or pricing things because of my collection. Having so much also means that I am fortunate in this economy and I have invested well. Finally, when the day comes for urb and I to part ways, I can and will bestow my inventory upon all, finding a special place for each item, and parting my wisdom and years of work to each of you - something I am looking forward to.

until then...Urb On!

>> Editorials
Crazy Prices

So, Iv'e been noticing that things are very overpriced for newbies. The newbies are about 10 to 15 years old, that said none of them have credit cards. (Mostly) The strongest people on urbaniacs payed with money to get there, selling cash items for money to buy tps is how it was done back in the day. These newbies only can play games and get like 10k a day and 5 k from battles. How are they going to afford the economy and survive? A body part with 200 across is about 6 million + . And with me having a aid, the only way they can get around in the urban life is for people to give them stuff. I remember when i made my account in 2005 when the game came out, i made an account the first day when i read the news paper "LA TIMES" Barry collier and josh fisher have created a new game! I was siked! i made like one million after one year! So, we really need to help the economy for more people to join this game!

The last banana

It was a cold winter, of two thousand and eight, and, a monkey was very angry.
He was very cold! He tried everything, running in circles, chasing sparky nothing worked. But then, he contacted his two sons, Dongaloosh and beefcake , and he said "Oooh ohh awawa" *Aren't you cold?*, Dongaloosh replied "waooowa"*No*
Than he frantically responded, "Wakizasasa?" *How?* Beefcake was laughing, "Smurklasoa" *We ate bananas to keep us warm!*

The next morning, He went out to look for bananas. "Whats that in the corner Beefcake?" Dongaloosh responded, "A henchling!" They all went to attack the henchling, and they smuthered him into sludge, than randomly a sludge comes out of the floor and cuts half their health! But than, kingkongoawaka shows up and kills them all and takes the last banana!

Origin of Sparky, Vol. 1

One day, back in the day (that's a Wednesday for those of you are keeping tabs), Professor GoatFist was working in his lab on a time sensitive project. He began hanging clocks all over the house.

Soon every inch of the lair was covered with quartz movement, except the bathroom. Noting that even during a potty break he would need to measure incriments of time, the professor began hanging them in the "throne room" too.

As he was hanging the final clock, he stood on the toilet and reached up. Suddenly he slipped and fell, hitting his head on the sink. He blacked out for a minute, but when he came to, he had an idea for the .... funk capacitor, which is what makes Sparky possible.

It took 30 years to complete his life's work, and ripping off a bunch of Lybian nationalists to get the plutonium to get it going. Rest assured, Sparky is not nuclear, he's electric (boogie woogie woogie), plutonium is the only thing that procduces the 1.21 gigawatts of electricity to get him moving.

Today, Sparky is great to have when the power goes out, but with the rising cost of electricity, he will probably soon be replaced by a bunch of low-watt LEDS.