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Issue 192

Apr 11, 2012

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Issue 1

>> Editorials
Contests Galore

With the Prop-A-Thon Contest (Jay_Rawker), Special Item Contest (Zoomer_McTraveller), Elimination Contest 7 (TheThing) and Dispo Declaration Battle (Love_Child) it seems there is more than enough player created content to ignite our competitive natures. Up for grabs are millions in Urbos and specially made gear, so I hope everyone is inspired to participate.

There is a variety of reading material in this issue from some surprising sources. I was quite entertained, myself. And there is also a couple of pieces kept in their original formats as I refuse the sort that mess out. Happy reading!

Bomb Digity Review

Graphics - 9/10

These are pretty good graphics for a Flash game, nice and clean. The time when the character is thrown onto the screen is annoying (With her tongue sticking out...), and that makes me feel ehhh. Overall the quality is really good for a flash game.

Sound - 5/10

It gets annoying after a while, and at least you can turn it off. The sound effects are sort of good and they fit for the style of the game.

Design of the game - 6/10

The platforms are like ICE. They are so gosh darn slippery. And, when a Henchling punches you, you end up falling too far back! What is this, a physics simulator gone wrong? Pretty much.


You should be able to choose different characters and the there should be more superpowers.

Total 8/10

An Urbanville Love Letter.

I'm gonna keep this short...

A lot of you reading this may not know who I am. My name is Puncherjoe. PJ to my friends. I'm what you'd consider an "Old Dog". I came to Urbanville a very long time ago. Back before Henchlings got the nerves to jump you on the street, before Johnny Law graduated law school. Nearly 6 years of my life have been spent as Puncher. It shows in my old Chronicles articles. I'm not around as much as I like (I'm off getting my degree in Funkanomics), but it warms my nomadic heart to know that you're here. It brings a tear to my eyes to know a very major part of who I am is still standing.

Urbanville, I love you.

Six years... It doesn't seem that long but yeah... It is. I remembered when I first showed up here. Some snot nosed kid who thought he knew everything. But you obviously showed me that wasn't the case. You took me in like your little kid brother. You were there for me. I'll never forget that. I miss you. I really do. I come visit every so often in a trench coat, watching you from the shadows. Yeah, sounds creepy but it's because of love. But, I digress. I miss you, from the bottom of my heart and the soles of my feet, I miss you. Always have, always will.

This is Puncherjoe saying I'll see ya when I see ya.

New Subway!

Never have we heard of such a thing... A healthy restaurant in Urbanville?
Gonna have to hear this for yourselves, folks! A Subway is coming to Urb!
Give your fellow Love_Child the round of applause here for making it possible.
You must come to try out this new franchise owned by our deputy mayor!
Up to no good, GoatFist has tried and tried again to stop this new shop.
Never has he supported healthy eating... He's a carnivore, after all!
Gonna have to stop him, we are. If you see him, send him a diss!
Let this new restaurant be the buzz of Urbanville!
You guys, after all, are what keeps up alive. Don't let Goaty take it away!
Down went the bank and Subway is soon to follow unless you diss him!

- DNM (AKA Rick Rola)

Interview With A Kelvin

ManDude: So, mister Kelvin, what's it like working for Goaty?
Kelvin: Yuh strait upz bruh!
ManDude: ...?
Kelvin: You pikn up wat I putin dwn bruh?
ManDude: Not exactly. Anyway, how's life going for you? I hear you destroyed the bank. Is that confirmed? How was it?
Kelvin: Yuh it waz us strait up beatin dat bank dwn bruh! It waz likez "HEY MONEYZ! YUH BE MINE NOW BRUH!"
ManDude: So, yes?
Kelvin: Koooooool.
ManDude: That's all the answer I need. Take him away boys! *suddenly the whole police force bursts into room, cuffs Kelvin and throws him in a jail cell*

ManDude: That was this week's interview with a Kelvin. Next week, we interview a potato.

ManDude: Thank you to the Urbanville Police Force for making a guest appearance and thank you Kelvin of the henchling community.
Kelvin: Not a problem good sir. I must say this was a positievly INVIGORATING experience!

Dear Inside Poop

It is I, Sacred_A!

Did you and the rest of Urbanville miss me? I assume so, because everyone has left to search for me. Now Urbanville is weak and ripe for the taking. Goatfist destroys the bank and the citizens cheer. This is definitely a spectacular time in our history for us villains.

Mayor DaMan has been kidnapped. I would know, it is I who feed him bread and water every other day. He looks so sad in his cage that no one is looking for him. I told him he should just resign. I even drew up the paperwork for him to transfer the city into my control but he has yet to sign. Soon though, I'm sure.

Oh, what else is new? I see all evidence of the great Family has been swept under the rug. How disrespectful. Fear not though, I have a sneaky suspicion that it will return.

Not really many new games on the site since I left on a secret mission, yet a lot of new gear. These noobs stats are through the roof in only a few months. I guess with no one here they have to make it easy for people to feel powerful when they really are not.

Masked Editor bit the dust I guess, haven't seen that creep in a couple of issues. Or maybe you stuffed him down the garbage disposal? I knew you were a great villain Scoop. It's the smart thing to do.

So with no further delay, I present to you and the rest of the city of Urbanville the official return of sinister Sacred and welcome you all to the time that shall be known as the Dark Days.

Stay stinky!

Forever Vile,

>> Top Stories

i was walkin down the urbanville streets with my yo-squito(osmeliio)and osmeliio was takin his shark for a and osmeliio bump with each other and osmeliio shark(jaw) broke the leash and my yo squito leash broke off and my yo squito went flyin and osmeliio shark was chasin yo squito and got lost.
me and ox were tryin 2 help each other find our pets so we were walkin and walkin so os went 2 the water with his fishin pole and i said "theres no time 2 fish" and osmeliio said"im tryin 2 find my shark"i said"ok"so i left him fishin and i kept walkin urbanville streets but i couldnt find our sidekicks so i went back 2 see wat os was doin so osmeliio forgot 2 put bait so i had 2 hand the bait 2 him and osmeliio caught somethin and osmeliio was pullin and pullin so i decided 2 help him pull and we started pullin as hard as we could and osmeliio said"i got this"so i let him go so osmeliio got knocked out in2 the water so i laughed at him so i said"os stop foolin around"so i pulled osmeliio out of the water and he said"thanxs"so we went walkin and it got dark so we headed home then the next day we got up and went 2 look for our lost sidekicks and we posted on every wall bout missin sidekicks so we went walkin till we heard a cryin sound of someone yellin"HELP"so me and osmeliio went runnin so i put my yo squito in a new leash but we havnt found osmeliio sidekick shark so i said"y dont we go fishin 2 see if ur shark is there or not"so we headed back 2 the water and osmeliio was puttin bait on the fishin pole then he put the fishin pole in the water so we waited and waited till we had caught somethin and somethin had caught the bait so osmeliio was pullin hard so osmeliio said"Umm little help here"so i said"nah ill pass"osmeliio said"sam now"i said"ugh ok"so we were pullin hard but it was 2 heavy so it knocked us out in the water but osmeliio was still grabbin the pole but we saw a shark but osmeliio thought it was his shark but it wasnt.osmeliio was upset that he lost his favorite sidekick so we went back home and the next mornin we got up and we were searchin the whole streets so me and osmeliio founded his shark and osmeliio was happy then he lost his shark again and osmeliio blamed me for the shark but it was osmeliio fault so now osmeliio is evil than ever...SO PEOPLE IN URBANVILLE B CAREFUL THERES A SHARK ON THE LOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)


me and osmeliio kept lookin for the shark so started puttin alot of paper flyers sayin:B ALERT PEOPLE OF URBANVILLE THERES A SHARK ON THE LOOSE!
osmeliio said i need 2 find my shark so i said dont worry well find ur shark...if people wont call the "urb animal control"and osmeliio said huh?wat u said?and i said "nuthin hehe"osmeliio said uh ok?so we kept lookin so osmeliio said its useless well never ever find my shark so i said im sure well find it so we kept lookin till we heard an animal control siren and i said oops we spoke 2 soon osmeliio said wat do u mean "we"?it was U who mentioned "urb animal control"so i said ok ok so it was kinda kinda my "FAULT"osmeliio said wat do u mean by "kinda"it was u the whole time and i said sure it was(NOT) so we went 2 look for the shark and nina comes and says hiya wat u doin?me and os said lookin for shark and nina said"oh ok well i just saw a shark tryin 2 eat a squirrel so the shark could eat it bcuz it was runnin out of breath so i shoved the squirrel 2 his mouth so i left"osmeliio said WAT!and nina said yeah hehehe osmeliio said AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!so nina said so can i help look for the shark and osmeliio said WHY*sobs*and i said ok*patted osmeliio back*its all right well find it and osmeliio said ok U BETTER!osmeliio was gonna hit nina so i ran across the street and grabbed a light pole and whacked osmeliio and got knocked out and i said thats wat u get for startin a fight without me and nina laughs at os and os gets up and says wat was that?so i said that was for startin a fight without invitin me and os says ur insane!uve coulda killed me with that pole and i said oh sorry but still ur didnt waited for startin a fight without me!osmeliio starts 2 think of gettin back at me so i said r u lookin for ur shark and os says yeah hehehe*chuckles*and i said um ok?so we start 2 look for the shark till we heard another animal control siren so we started 2 follow the siren and we found the animal control person gettin off its truck and we see the shark and os starts runnin 2ward the shark but the animal control person grabs the net and takes shark 2 a cage and os starts 2 sob and i said theres no time 2 start cryin so nina starts laughin at os hahaha!so osmeliio starts 2 stop cryin so he grabs a stick and whacks nina so nina slaps os across his face and leaves the slap mark on os face and i said ok ok theres no time 2 start foolin around so os hits me and i said wat was that for?and os said payback time and i said im gonna get u!ape man and os says stop callin me hairy names and i said ok fine mr. ape and os says stop callin me that!sam im warnin u! and i said ok fine and os says SAM!so i said ok guys lets just stop foolin around this time and nina says sure and os says sam ur never focused ur so distractin and im not even focusin findin the shark bcuz of u!and nina laughs and i said stop laughin nina all u do is laugh just say somethin and as for u os its not my fault that everythin happens 2 u everythin that happens 2 u u always hav 2 blame me for somethin i didnt even do and ur really very mean and os says ok sam im sorry and i said u better bcuz ur always bein mean and u cant even stop bein mean for a day or so...and os says wat?!i could b nice for a day or so and i said sure u could*sacarsim*so os says sam i could b nice and i said ok name one day that uve been nice so os says well theres one dayyy ive been nice and i said ok when was it so osmeliio says ok well ok i got nuthin and i said see there!u cant even b nice 2 people without dissin them or bein mean 2 them so os says ok bcuz theres one reason and i said wats the reason?!?!os says its bcuz theres alot of annoyin people like zeros,sam and other annoyin people and i said hey!see wat u said u cant even b nice 2 b and os says really sam?ive been nice 2 u and i said yeah uve been nice 2 me kinda nina says guys LESS TALKIN AND MORE FINDIN! so me and os stop 2 talk and i said ok lets starts findin!and os says u betcha!so we start chasin the truck till we broke the back doors of the truck and os grabs his shark and runs away so we start 2 run followin os so we are happy that we had found shark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)