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Issue 160

May 18, 2011

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>> Editorials
Good Morning Urbanville!

There's a lot of humor in this issue, but first a reminder about the UrbOlympics.  I hope everyone participates because this is one of the biggest events in Urbanville.  Let's play hard and make memories!

ManDude has provided a first person adventure story which leaves you hanging.  I wonder what will happen next?

Then we have jokes that are oozing with cheese.  Ah, but the reader is warned in the title, so there's no excuse for getting nauseas over it;  you knew what you were getting into.

And finally there are two hilarious and illuminating interviews by Inside_Scoop.  It sounds like he had a rough day.  Hope you've recovered, Scoop.  We need you for next week.

So welcome to issue #160.  Read on and enjoy with a Cup of Joe from Speedy's Java Hut!

Interview with Zoomer_McTraveller

Zoomer, being himself is in the gym, building himself up as usual. I sit down in a seat as he hits the weights, the room smells like my Aunt Betty, Ghastly, Gah.
*Gets out Notepad*

I_S: Hello Zoomer, how are you on this... ugh, sweaty day?
Zoomer: I'm BUFF thanks and you? Just kidding, I'm fine, thanks for asking, although I had a little problem with one of the barbells earlier. I bent it.

I_S: Now you have around 600 forum posts, but 120,000 props, how do you do it?
Zoomer: I try to treat everyone nicely and try to answer every prop I get. Also, I don't take myself too seriously. When that fails, I just flex the guns a little and flash what I assume is a charming smile. See? (smiles)
*Goes and props Zoomer about 10 times...* - I’m waiting for them back.

I_S: You seem like a very popular character on Urbaniacs, why do you think this?
Zoomer: Well if you treat other urbs with respect and a little humour, it's easy. Being fair and honest doesn't hurt either, I'll have to try that (winks).

I_S: You're the strongest Civilian Urbaniac going, how did you become so strong?
Zoomer: Well, I've had the help of almost every urb that has ever listed a TP in the Swap Meet. I think I've bought 60% of all the TPs ever listed. You must remember that I was around before the Swap Meet existed, so I had saved up alot. When it came on I started buying. It also helps to have a charge card.

I_S: You're also a awesome trader, well as many say 'Zoomer said it is worth...', so is there any trading tips you can give anyone?
Zoomer: Buy low and sell not too high. It's better to make a small profit many times than a big profit once. You want customers to return. If you give fair prices it works out.

I_S: Fancy giving me a sweet deal on anything? *Places a 20 urbo note under zoomers water bottle*
Zoomer: Possibly. (takes water bottle and the 20) What are you looking for? (sits on the bench press)
I_S: Well I'm after, *whispers something*
Zoomer: Sure, I'll sort something out for you!

I_S: What Urb would you want to see return? And why?
Zoomer: :( Gets a sad wistful smile) Ah well, the urb I'd like to see back, can't be back since he's passed on. Maggot was his name. He was the nicest funkiest person I've ever met. He never took himself seriously but he was serious about his friendships. He took care of me when I was a newbie. Bless him. Sorry, I got a little misty eyed there. What do you want to know next?

I_S: Now out of all the gear, weapons and sidekicks which is your favourite?
Zoomer: *jumps up from the bench and in one fluid motion whips out [Don't Go There....] his URBORANG* This is my favourite! It was given to me by the Mayor himself. It was for....well, let's say that I was in the right place at the right time. If I told you the facts, I'd have to kill you and that would be messy. *Zoomer breaks into a smile and winks*

I_S: Well thanks for the interview Zoomer, enjoy the rest of your work out!
Zoomer: Nice talking with you Scoop

*I leave Zoomer to his beloved weights*
Zoomer, is such a nice person to interview... even though he has too much muscle!
*I walk out of the gym, and head on down to the Chronicles office, just about to type up my interview, when suddenly.... WHACKKKKK!!*

TBC – Osmeliio Interview.

Interview with Osmeliio...

CINCO DE MAYHEM has taken control.
*I wake up, in in a dark room surrounded by some smelly, ugly, revolting creatures.. oh it's the villains; I notice Osmeliio there.*

Os: So you interview a vigilante, we see by your notes you are interviewing a Zero, but what about the mighty Villains?
I_S: Mighty villains... *starts to laugh*
Os: Now listen up, you'll interview me. Then we let you go. I'm not having the Villains miss out on an interview.
I_S: Ugh, ok if you insist. Now give me my notepad and Quill.

I_S: Good...Even-Day? *looks around, confused at the time..* How are you?
Os: I am doing good, no I don't care how you’re doing.
I_S: *Mutters* not even any manners..

I_S: So how come you’re a Villain then?
Os: I am a Villain because the mighty Goatfist asked me to join him and cause some mayhem, so I agreed; to be evil seems like great CHAOS!

I_S: I hear you're in the Ministry Of Darkness? What is it?
Os: What you mean you haven’t heard of it? It’s the most powerful Villainous group in Urbanville. Beatniks, *Shakes head*. The MoD is a group of 4 people who are leaders in the MOD – a Council. I was elected in as one of the Leaders.

I_S: What have you done during Cinco De Mayhem?
Os: What have I done during Cinco De Mayhem?!!? WHAT -- WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT? I have taken over the minions, I am making them stronger, tougher and smarter. I have kicked some ugly pathetic zero/nomads/vigis/beatnik butt. – And yours is next.
I_S: mine? – Do you want this interview or not? *Carries on*

I_S: What do you really think of Goatfist...? To me he seems like a lost, confused goat away from his herd! *Receives a punch*
Os: *Punches again* MAN, THE GOAT IS A SMART GOOD LOOKING GOAT... he is so smart he took over the Chronicles, he kidnapped the Do Gooders and others, he also took over the mayor how genius is that.. SMART GOAT HUH?
I_S: If you think smart is the word... I’d say monotonous. *The villains look at me bewildered*

I_S: So you have great stats, how do you do it?
Os: YES I HAVE GREAT STATS CAN'T YOU TELL FOOL?!!?? My main secret is I buy a body part in the 200s and I train it for a long time, then I sell it.. I keep doing that and soon I'll be as powerful as the great goat.
I_S: Great???

I_S: If you could choose an urb to return, who would it be and why?
Os: if I had to choose a Urb to come back it would have to be my bro, my battle buddy, the funniest person Montgomery... Or my other funny buddy bigdan... Funny Villains these days.... .NOW THOSE 2 ARE MEN OF WORDS. TRUE VILLAINS.

I_S: What is your favourite Weapon, Gear Item and Sidekick in Urbanville?
Os: That is, ‘Urban-Villain’.
My favourite weapon is bone-a-rang, it kills a lot of zeros in 1 shot, amazing huh? My favourite sidekick has to be flaming cat and my favourite gear is the Goatfist Mask MWUAHHAHA.

I_S: Well that’s it... can I go?
Os: That it? You're Pathetic... call that an interview?
I_S: Urmmm YES?
*Looks over to the left and nods* Knock him out lads.

>> Sports
Your UrbOlympics Team

Deadline for you to register your team is May 25th! I only need the captain to send me a gram with the team information. If you don't have a team and would like to participate, please gram me and I will randomly place you with a random player. The first game will kick in on June 1st! Like I said before, teams can be 2 or 3 members, but no more than 3. Any questions, you can gram me or look around in the forums. Thank You!

>> Top Stories
Knock Knock

You're sitting on your couch. Thinking you're alone. Suddenly you hear a "knock knock" coming from the door. You go to it but there's nothing there. You close the door but there it is again. You open it but there's nothing there. You get worried. A ding-dong-ditcher? Are you going crazy?

Then suddenly you feel something push you to the floor. You scramble to your feet and run away. The door closes shut. You're really worried now. You go to hide. You hear foot steps moving towards you but you see nothing. Suddenly the table flips over. You're out of options. The next exit is too far away. You have no where to hide. Something is there and it doesnt come in peace.

You look around. You find a broken piece of glass from the table. You pick it up and throw it. It smashes into the wall. You feel something grab your neck and lift you up. You try and get away. Nothing works.

TO BE CONTINUED IN "Knock Knock, Times Up"


>> Comics
Cheezy Jokes

?:What do you call an urbaniac who doesn't fart in public?
A: A private tutor!!

*A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

*Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

*Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

?: What do toilets and anniversaries have in common?
A: Men always miss them.

?:Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A:Because they taste funny