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Issue 154

Apr 13, 2011

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Issue 1

>> Editorials
Join the Nomadic Funk!

Its time to put the wanderers on the map.  Me, Armand_Hammer, and TheThing can't keep things in order by ourselves.  It's the true nomad spirit that keeps us going though.  We will come back and we will triumph.  It's our destiny to wander through the days, towns and cities fighting crime and getting jiggy wid it!!!  Come on Nomadics it's time to get FUNKAY!!!!


Raising The Stakes

A raised Urb economy is making item prices sky rocket!  Years on Urb for older players have let collect a lot of interest.  Not to mention the inflation due to the dupers.  With millions and billions being thrown around the market how will newer players ever catch up?  Talk about erasing urbos and starting over has spread.  Others believe in cutting interest rates down.  How will we balance the market?  Can we get ourselves out of this mess now?


Rawk Squawk

The Rawk Squawk asked roughly 50 funky urbaniacs what their daily routine was, and here are some of my favourite ones:

* These are real quotes I've gotten, unedited *

"Log in, train, collect interest, check messages (should i have time) , prop who ever I see on the recent list, battle, post, battle, post, battle, post..... nuff said. :P" - Mantis

"I go to Starbucks, then to the gym, then to the bank, then I swing by the lotto house. I strut on the corner so someone will invite me to an assault" - Urb007

"Kinda boring. A little RPG at the forums, train, get a lotto ticket, deposit interest, return props, play a few assaults, and change grams with friends, but nothing really exciting to do. Urbo wars would help to wake things up, but we need more to keep the site interesting..." - ThunderBlitzkrieg

"If im bored enough and its quiet ill log in, see if anyone has replied to anything ive been interested in in the forums, usually train bank etc and maybe have 1 or 2 assaults." - RichMax

Squawk also asked: Do you play games in Urbanville?

Heres what we got:

"Do you play the games in Urbanville? I play some games. I enjoy boombox quite a bit, even after I go over the limit on urbos. haha" - Enercell

"Isn't the whole thing a game? OMG is this reality?" - Urb007

"Only "which face is up". I dont need the urbos so much, and I dont take much fun from the games anymore (the ones we have by now, of course)." - ThunderBlitzkrieg

"Yes, alot" - altergut

Something Big Is Coming:

Keep an eye out in the Lounge forum, something BIG is going to happen.  Watch out, you dont want to miss it.


Equip Machine Mysteries

One of Urbanville's most used gadgets isn't a weapon, but our very own Equip Machine!  It allows us to quickly change all of our gear as well as switch body parts without the pain and down-time of surgical procedures.  I had the opportunity to sit down with one of the engineers who made that aspect of the machine possible.

Urbrey_Porter:  Thank you for meeting with me Dr. Stein.
Dr. Stein:  Call me Frank.
Urbrey:  No, that's alright.
Dr. Stein:  Or you can call me by my middle name, Ned. My mother calls me Ned.
Urbrey:  I don't think so. Dr. Stein, what can you tell me about the science of switching body parts at the touch of a button?
Dr. Stein:   It's magnificent, isn't it? You can obtain abilities you weren't born with, enjoy power you didn't have to work for yourself! Although, you do have to purchase those parts which can get quite expensive as...
Urbrey:   Doctor, how exactly does the Equip Machine work?
Dr. Stein:  Well you see, we took lasers and nano... *clears throat* Actually it's classified information and I can't reveal too much. I came primarily because I was told there would be kewkies.
Urbrey:  Uh, you must have spoken with jodie1995. She sometimes fills in at the reception desk.
Dr. Stein:  Great!
Urbrey:  ...
Dr. Stein:  And some tea. That would be most satisfactory.
Urbrey:  *sigh* Thank you for the interview Dr. Stein. Hopefully next time we will actually have something newsworthy to report.

The Weekend Bounce

(Using two Freaky heads for bongos. Best recited in a beatnik club...)
Sunday morning.

I stumbled out my side door to truck toward the waffle house.
There was a big green port-a-john in the driveway.

*snap* *snap* *snap*

I wondered how it got there,
*bonk* *bonk* *bonk*
And I wondered if there was a Henchling inside.
*bonk* *bonk* *bonk* *bonk*

I did what any smart urb would do.
*snap* *snap*
I took a pee.
*bonk* *bonk* *bonk*
*badonk* *bonk* *bonk*

I snapped the elastic on my boxers on the way out for luck.
*badonk bonk*

The eggs were cold.
*badonk bonk*

I should've gone to Kings & Kiki's.


Yo Urbanville!

What's Sup!

Hey Urbanville i am your new writer for the Chronicles.  In each issue i will try and present you with the best gossip, news and articles for you to read!  This week i will be talking about what has been happening in Urbaniacs.

So does it seem like the activity around urbaniacs has been improving?  I'm not sure what it is, maybe all the threads dark_oracle makes?  Is it giving everyone enthusiasm to post?
Or is it Love_Child getting the Chronicles up and going again?  What ever it is, it is having a great effect on Urb :)

Now we need to keep going at this, enter competitions, post, write in the Chronicles and draw up some funky pictures for the gallery!  It's great to see activity booming again, yesterday I even saw 12 urbs on at one time.

Now what is going on between the Villains and the Heroes?  Both are trying to be active, but will one of them come out on top?  It will funny to see if they will become like they used to, rivalries, banter, battling, the list can go on and on.

I will set a little compition, just to see who is better between the Villains and Heroes.  I want you both by the next Chronicles, to tell me why your disposition is the best.  See who can hold some bragging rights.

Thats all for this week!

>> Business
The Old Goat

Goatfist hasn't been seen for a while, and when he does shows up, it's usually for a day or two.  Is he getting too old to keep being a nuisance?  Did he retire?  Or simply he can't beat DaMan!  If these are the cases, who will replace him?  The villains normally don't do anything whether Goat is present or not.  I don't think it's a big deal that he's retired.

I want a good picture or Old Mr. Goat.  I will pay top Urbos to the person that gives me the best picture of Goatfist!  The picture must be an embarrassing or funny one.  Maybe catch him doing something that he doesn't want anyone to know.  The picture must be submitted to the gallery by May 1st.  Please put "Goatfist Challenge" as the caption.  Now, go and find goatfist..

>> Top Stories
Bigfoot Sightings in Urbanville!

Recently there have been sightings of Bigfoot in Urbanville.  He's been spotted around the outskirts of the city, fairly close to Urbanville Forest.  Now I know what you're thinking: is Bigfoot really real?  The answer to that question is, YES.

Bigfoots have been spotted around the world, but only a small number of the sightings are legit.  The most common place you may find Giganticus Erectus Robustus, commonly known as Bigfoot, is the Pacific Northwest.  However, there have been many sightings of Bigfoot in Urbanville Forest since 2004.

This remarkable creature feeds primarily on small mammals, but from time-to-time will go for a larger mammal, perhaps a moose or a gerenuk. Bigfoot might attempt to eat a being that bugs him, specifically Justin Beiber.  It's best not to say Justin's name, or even think about him, as it might result in a Bigfoot attack.

Bigfoot has been known to have a violent nature.  If you should see him, you should pace in circles and make high-pitched buzzing sounds.  While sightings are very uncommon, more than 73% of British Columbia has seen, or has claimed to have seen, Bigfoot.  You should always be aware of your surroundings while walking the streets of Urbanville, as you don't want to run into Bigfoot.

That being said, if you see a Bigfoot around Urbanville you should hide in the closest dead animal carcase and hope he finds you.  I hope these tips and bits of information help!

Best of luck,