Forgot Password? Remember Me

Issue 142

Mar 1, 2009

Submit A Story!

Got an Urbaniac story, comic strip or anything else newsworthy or funny?

Send it our way!


Issue 210

Issue 209

Issue 208

Issue 207

Issue 206

Issue 205

Issue 204

Issue 203

Issue 202

Issue 201

Issue 200

Issue 199

Issue 198

Issue 197

Issue 196

Issue 195

Issue 194

Issue 193

Issue 192

Issue 191

Issue 190

Issue 189

Issue 188

Issue 187

Issue 186

Issue 185

Issue 184

Issue 183

Issue 182

Issue 181

Issue 180

Issue 179

Issue 178

Issue 177

Issue 176

Issue 175

Issue 174

Issue 173

Issue 172

Issue 171

Issue 170

Issue 169

Issue 168

Issue 167

Issue 166

Issue 165

Issue 164

Issue 163

Issue 162

Issue 161

Issue 160

Issue 159

Issue 158

Issue 157

Issue 156

Issue 155

Issue 154

Issue 153

Issue 152

Issue 151

Issue 150

Issue 149

Issue 148

Issue 147

Issue 146

Issue 145

Issue 144

Issue 143

Issue 142

Issue 141

Issue 140

Issue 139

Issue 138

Issue 137

Issue 136

Issue 135

Issue 134

Issue 133

Issue 132

Issue 131

Issue 130

Issue 129

Issue 128

Issue 127

Issue 126

Issue 125

Issue 124

Issue 123

Issue 122

Issue 121

Issue 120

Issue 119

Issue 118

Issue 117

Issue 116

Issue 115

Issue 114

Issue 113

Issue 112

Issue 111

Issue 110

Issue 109

Issue 108

Issue 107

Issue 106

Issue 105

Issue 104

Issue 103

Issue 102

Issue 101

Issue 100

Issue 99

Issue 98

Issue 97

Issue 96

Issue 95

Issue 94

Issue 93

Issue 92

Issue 91

Issue 90

Issue 89

Issue 88

Issue 87

Issue 86

Issue 85

Issue 84

Issue 83

Issue 82

Issue 81

Issue 80

Issue 79

Issue 78

Issue 77

Issue 76

Issue 75

Issue 74

Issue 73

Issue 72

Issue 71

Issue 70

Issue 69

Issue 68

Issue 67

Issue 66

Issue 65

Issue 64

Issue 63

Issue 62

Issue 61

Issue 60

Issue 59

Issue 58

Issue 57

Issue 56

Issue 55

Issue 54

Issue 53

Issue 52

Issue 51

Issue 50

Issue 49

Issue 48

Issue 47

Issue 46

Issue 45

Issue 44

Issue 43

Issue 42

Issue 41

Issue 40

Issue 39

Issue 38

Issue 37

Issue 36

Issue 35

Issue 34

Issue 33

Issue 32

Issue 31

Issue 30

Issue 29

Issue 28

Issue 27

Issue 26

Issue 25

Issue 24

Issue 23

Issue 22

Issue 21

Issue 20

Issue 19

Issue 18

Issue 17

Issue 16

Issue 15

Issue 14

Issue 13

Issue 12

Issue 11

Issue 10

Issue 9

Issue 8

Issue 7

Issue 6

Issue 5

Issue 4

Issue 3

Issue 2

Issue 1

>> Top Stories
March 1, 2009
In issue 72, Scoop McFanny interviewed me. I was the new Editor of the Chronicles and I saw many things that needed to be changed. Little did I know, it would take a long time before change would happen. Feh, I despise the slow process of change. It needed to happen and I am stubborn enough to stick to it. Hopefully this look will stay for a bit but that will not happen without participation. Thank you to those who write articles. Thank you to those who create ads. I am still a grumpy, insufferable, hermit but I give credit where it is due. Now, those who participate will be listed in the lower left hand corner. This is your paper as well as mine, treat it nicely and help it to grow.

In this issue you will find:

Poindexter talking about the Family’s Offsite. Boring.
Love Child and her Urbstrological forecast for March. Who let her in the Headquarters?
Afro Chic devises a plan for the artists in Urbanville. I hope it is for them to get a job.
True Villany and Under Wing submit their articles for Kingz’ contest. Great.
Thanatos5150 explains a new contest of his. I’ll join that, never.*

The Masked Editor

* NOTE: With the Chronicles layout all articles and pictures will need to be in by Friday. If not, it will be in this version and not the other version.

For the new version, click here.
>> Business
Off-Site Madness
Often while spending time in Urbanville I find myself wondering about this so called “Off-Site” that the Family throws into our faces for they must be proud of it. It is discussed throughout the threads with messages of “We need to vote, everyone to the off-site,” or even, “If you were an elite, you would know there is an offsite to discuss issues.” One must question the importance of a hidden offsite to a group that claims supremacy for if you are the best group, should you not also be unstoppable?

This is indeed perplexing and to make things worse, DudeMan was caught saying, “If I had anything to hide, it would be hidden. If the Family had anything to hide, that would also be hidden. No amount of dirt can bury the Family, nor I,” yet at the first sign of trouble, the members of the Family are reminded to take the issue to the Offsite. A blatant paradox? Precisely.

Because I am still a new member, I took it upon myself to question a few members in Urbanville about the offsite so that I may gain some insight about the general feelings, for example, if members felt threatened by this site or that the Family had an advantage with their site. The general consensus was a heartfelt laugh for the members did not feel threatened by the offsite or the Family. Love finds it amusing that they have one, especially since it doesn’t amount to any increase in their productivity in Urbanville. Afro Chic quips that Mayor DaMan believes that offsites often take energy away from the main site, Urbaniacs, and that in the past he has often discouraged groups from creating them. She also admits to once having a membership to the HUU’s (which was once part of the Hustle Alliance) offsite and another one where elite members of different dispositions were brought together to help change the site, but both were shut down. When I asked her if she would ever join another offsite, she replied, “Never again, they talk a good game, but nothing ever happened! Pfft...If I wanted to hear hot air being blow through my afro, I would ask Iron to tell me a story while he was drunk. They are a waste of time and they often cause a lot of drama that travels back to the site.”

Such harsh words coming from the Mistress of Funk but for the past month, I have been monitoring productivity on the site by watching who were creating contests, writing articles, posting in the forums, and even creating art for the Gallery. Although the Family has the offsite, their productivity does not outshine the other groups and if anything the other groups seem to be outdoing the Family in every aspect of the site, yet the Family seems to have an advantage due to their secret site.

Heh, so why do they need an offsite?

The Family reminds me of an episode from “The Little Rascals” where the leader, Spanky (played by Sacred Apollyon), Alfalfa (SydneyAlice for I have read somewhere that she is actually a he), Spanky’s Vice President, Stymie (DudeMan)(I know that it is backwards but it was done for a reason), Buckwheat (RichMax for his posts are unintelligent and sometimes hard to decipher) find themselves in a sticky situation where they will have to stumble out of within a 1/2 hour.

Spanky: To the offsite!
Buckwheat: O-Tay!
Stymie: Now that we are here, what will we do?
Alfalfa: Yooouuu are so beautiful, to meeeeeeeee...
Spanky: Stop that! We must plan secret things!
Buckwheat: OooooooooooooTAY!
Stymie: Let’s vote on the new members!
*five minutes later*
Spanky: Now that’s done, what do we do now?
Stymie: We can talk about people on the site!
Alfalfa: *sigh* Or Darla.
Buckwheat: O-Tay?
Spanky: I am glad I am the leader.
Stymie: Not for long!
Alfalfa: Yooouuu are so beautiful, to meeeeeeeee...
Spanky: Stop it Alfalfa! What do you mean?
Buckwheat: O-Tay...
Stymie: You’ll see!*

Although it is not the desire of this reporter to tell you readers what to believe, it is obvious how I feel about the offsite, heh, so while you decide for yourselves, ignore the Family members who are making their way to their offsite for they have a lot to discuss.

This is Poindexter reporting on all things evil and despicable.


* Due to my inability to create plays, this was created by Afro Chic.
Urbstrological Forecast for March 2009
March is going to be a great day for finding motivation and carrying through with projects! That can be a good thing for the Gallery and the Chronicles! Please remember that artists and writers from all walks of life, and all dispositions should contribute. Beatniks are not the only individuals uniquely qualified to express themselves with the written word or the artistic creation.

During the first part of March, Mercury and Mars conjoin Chiron and Neptune in Aquarius, giving you a tendency to daydream and fantasize about the future.

If you’ve ever been burned in the past while reaching for your aspirations, experienced epic failure and humiliation that has driven you under a rock, vowing to never reach for the stars again... dang homey, that sucks! However, this month gives you the opportunity to bounce back. You just might redeem yourself!

The sun conjoins Uranus in Aquarius from the 2nd to the 19th (exact on the 12th) which will bring with it a desire to live life to the fullest. New and improved ideas may come to you. Write these down because later in the month, you’ll be taking action!

Does this mean that The Family will finally rise to the level of distinction they once commanded? Will Dudeman get everyone rowing in the same direction? Or will the Dark Horse, I mean, Death_Pony, win out? That was a provocative article in the Chronicles (issue 141) and you never know what scheming will come to fruition by the end of March!

Venus goes retrograde on the 6th, spurring an introspective period of reflection regarding relationships. Are you getting the support you need? Are you being supported by others? This is a chance for you to make changes in your own behavior that will result in more happiness and fulfillment in your life.

Remember that honey attracts more flies than vinegar, and no one likes to be tested and tested to see if they are loyal and true. If you’re afraid of abandonment, you can sometimes create a self-fulfilling prophecy with your banal jibes. Learn how to be a supportive homey and you’ll be much happier in the long-run.

The sun in Aries squares Pluto in Capricorn from the 20th to the 31st (exact on the 23rd). This is likely to bring internal conflict regarding your goals. You may fear a loss of independence as you work towards your aspirations. However, if you consider the ambitions of others, you will find that you can work out a way for everyone to be supportive, yet remain independent while reaching their goals.

This is a working model that the Beatniks use, which is why they do it better. Perhaps the Vigis, Villains, Nomads and Heroes will be able to complete some significant projects if they adopt this strategy.

Mercury squares Pluto in Capricorn on the 27th. Your mind may go into overdrive at this point, even dwelling obsessively on certain thoughts. You may even feel that some authority is a threat to you. If that’s the case, talk it out with your homeys to get some perspective and you’ll be able to restore some balance in your life. We really don’t want our mentally challenged Urbaniacs to be freaking out at the end of the month and wreaking havoc on the streets or the Forums, so for goodness sake, talk it out with your homeys!

The New Moon Power Day is Thursday, March 26th, after 9:07am UST. Write down up to 10 wishes that coincide with the Aries themes of action, independence, courage and initiative.

Here are some example wishes:

~ I want to easily assert myself in a way that makes others want to do my bidding.
~ I want to find myself taking action to reach my goals.
~ I want courage to enter all facets of my life, including battling Sparky.

Remember, spend time dreaming in the first part of March and then make those dreams come true in the last part of March. You can do this!
Calling All Artists

Are you an artist who would like to give back to Urbanville but you don’t know what to do? If so, I have something for you! No, it’s not a magic little pill that will inspire you to write…I have something better! It’s a group of people who are like YOU! People who would love to use their creative juices to enhance the site by giving Ira a chance to gloat about his town to others. Here are some important points: Point #1: You do NOT have to be a Beatnik! Point #2: You will NOT get paid for this! Point #3: We are NOT doing this for other people! We are doing this art for ourselves and by ourselves! Sounds good? Check out the Art’s District TODAY! We are looking for writers, people who draw, graphic artists, those who have their own television shows, people with vlogs, and even those with UrbCasts! If it doesn’t sound good, oh well! Please exit the rear door and don’t harsh our groove, man! Love Child and I are waiting to see YOU! Keep it Funky, Afro Chic

Have you ever been bored out of your mind because your game is filled with losers who can’t be funky? Did you ever just wanted to clear some space on your computer, but you STILL wanted to play an awesome game? Well look no further because is the place to be! With funk flowing like water, lots of games to play, and even crazy active forums, you’ll never want to get off! Train your character and get a bank account. There’s even a daily LOTTERY! Urbaniacs even has it’s own UrboCast with some of it’s members on it. Come on down to Urbaniacs today. Remember games, forums, a cool place to chill. Come check out Urbanville!

Urbaniacs. A world of heroes and villains. A place where you can define yourself as what you choose. To stand for justice as a hero or for lying and cheating as a villain. Express your artistic side as a beatnik or do nothing as an “undecided.” Be alone as a nomad or plentiful as a vigilante. No matter what, you’ll be accepted in any dispositions you decide to choose. Even though we’re all on different sides, we’re all friends (to some extent).

Urbaniacs welcomes all new members with open arms. Many Urbs are welcome to help you out if you got a problem and some offer free gear to new-comers to start their new life in Urbanville. We got plenty of room in Urbaniacs and want you to join.

Be the hero or villain you’re meant to be in Urbanaics!

We just got one thing to ask:

So, you in?
Urbaniacs Short Story Writing Month Contest!
My fellow Urbaniacs, I have been inspired.

Some of you may be aware of an event called “National Novel Writing Month,” wherein hundreds of thousands of participants around the Globe write a 50,000 word novella within the span of a month. After talking with some influential person(s), we have come up with an idea for an “Urbanville Short Story Writing Month.” As a form of contest.

Here’s how it works:

Myself and a number of other judges (Who shall remain anonymous to prevent cries of favoritism and bribes) shall act as judges.

You, the dear participants, will lovingly scribe for us one short story of at least twenty thousand words and send it to

[email protected]

The deadline is April 1st, 2009.

Entries will be graded on spelling, grammar, the quality of work, and the relation to Urbaniacs and Urbanville. I look forward to looking at your fully flexed creative muscles!

The discussion thread (As well as a re-iteration of this whole thing) can be found here