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Issue 135

Nov 3, 2008

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Issue 1

>> Top Stories
November 2, 2008
Boo. Okay I celebrated Halloween, now leave me alone. Welcome to another Chronicles edition. Enjoy.

This week you will find:

Afro_Chic gives a poetic Halloween tale. Feh.

Summers continues with her Mystery. Thrilling.

Vegahorror writes to J_Trane. Scary.

Afro_Chic and Iron_Pants brings us Stick It!: Trick or Treat 2. Wonderful.

Hobbes gives us a new comic for Halloween. Yay.

The Chronicles are currently being fixed. Until then, you will need to click the links to view the comics.

Now a poll:

UrbDoFunk, do you use it or don’t you?


(Send your response via urbograms to me. No need wasting my time if no one is smart enough to complete them.)


The Masked Editor
Halloween in Urbanville

Halloween in Urbanville oh what a funky sight!
You get to see ghosts, goblins, and goats in the night
Beatniks making architectural and toilet paper themes
While the members of LoD try to do villainous yet funky things

Tonight is the night when evil goes hand in hand with fun
Even Ira knows that in City Hall, nothing is going to get done
With Affy and Debug staring longingly outside and filled with candy
Preston dressed up as Barry Manilow serenades everyone with “Oh Mandy”

Meanwhile on the other side, Goatfist growls at his computer screen
Ignoring all the knocks on the door for candy and trying not to be mean
For even he takes off this day and refuses to do a villainous act
So instead he uses the day to plan for the future and that’s a fact

Heroes and Beatniks take their good sidekicks out to Trick or Treat
But stay away from Sacred’s house cuz for a joke he hands out bad meat
MrAnderson likes to hand out black licorice along with toothbrushes
Iron_Pants barely answers his door and if you wake him, he cusses

Hobbes spends his day taking rotten eggs out of Simon’s furry hands
Princess Irene drags Dragus along so together they can find Preston her man
Kiki and Kingz spend their days tagging silly pictures all over the town
Because although they are Beatniks, they are still mischievous deep down

Sykick takes time from her contests to bob for apples with Vigi members
A sugar comatose Love_Child lies in her bed and tries to remember
Where did she put the last recording of the Weekend Roundup Thingy UrboCast?
Where J_Trane scared Affy after her Ex-lax cookies gave him bad gas

Citizens of Urbanville, decked out in their Halloween masks and gear
Hope to bring home more treats than tricks this night of the year
Wandering around with big bags and their heads up, not bowed
For this is the ONLY time that begging is appreciated and allowed!
Urb Mystery cont.

Good evening and welcome to the WGBURB new station. Your news anchor Rackman, True_Nighmare lead reporter, and The_Outlaw for urban sports.

Rackman: We have been following live coverage, on the break in at the Chronicles HQ. Now out to the street where True_Nightmare is. Good Even Nightmare. Do you have any more information for us yet?

True_Nightmare: This is True_Nightmare. I’m currently waiting to have a live interview with Afro_Chic. She is the top reporter for their paper. Oh wait here she comes!

Miss Afro_Chic, do you have a few minutes to answer some questions? Maybe spread some light on the mystery at the office?

Afro_Chic: Sure, but we have to make this quick, I have things to do and mysteries to solve!

True_Nightmare: What is the atmosphere like with everyone in your department now?

Afro_Chic: Right now folks are freaking out. I had to smack a few folks. I’m just trying to calm them down, you know? This situation isn’t cool but we will find out who did it and they will be punished!

True_Nightmare: How do you plan on finding out whom, the person or people are that did this? Have you gotten any leads?

Afro_Chic: We’re leaving that up to the Police to handle their job. I’m also talking to Scoop_McFanny, he’s usually good about finding out clues. Heck, that’s how he finds out about most of new things in City Hall to report. So far, no leads, but give us time, we will drop this jive sucka!

True_Nightmare: There are rumors that it may have been someone on the inside. Like one of the reporters who were jealous about summers climbing the ropes so quickly.

Afro_Chic: I wouldn’t doubt that, there are haters everywhere you go.

True_Nightmare: You’ve heard it from the best of the best. No one knows what really happened in there. I’m going to stick around and try to get a few more interviews. Back to you, Rackman.

Rackman: Wow, even the news team there can’t figure this one out. Well ladies and gentlemen, with the prospect of Scoop McFanny being involved, this is becoming more of a mystery…Wait! This just in; the police have found an article of clothing in the garbage behind Chronicles HQ. I’m believe some screws from a computer were found inside the pockets. They currently are on their way to the police station with it to have it analyzed. Nightmare do you think you can run over there and keep an eye on things?

True_Nightmare: Sure I can! I’m on my way.

Unknown character: *snickers* As if they will ever figure it out. They can run all over town and will never find her things. I’ll be long gone before they can even put two and two together to make five.

Meanwhile, back inside Chronicles HQ summers is retyping her article the best she can. She is frustrated because she is unable to put the story as it was before.

Summers: Augh, I’m never going be able to put this back together. I need my stuff back!

Someone knocks at the door.

Summers: Come in.

Two detectives walk into the office

Detective one: We were sent here to question you on your missing items.

Detective two: You’re going to have to confide in us and let us know things you haven’t told anyone else. First off, let’s go over the different things you have written or are writing now.

Summers: Now let me think about that. There are several articles that I was working on. I really can’t see one person being the thief because his was my master piece. I was working on three articles from Dudeman, The_Outlaw, and Diddoe. I have left messages on a nomads machine and beatniks machine. Honestly I’ve covered just about every type of Urb in the city.

Detective One: No, no! That isn’t what we are talking about. We need to know who you may have upset the last few weeks! Who would lose the most if your article was published? Who would be so mad at you that they would want to take your things! Now who did you get that upset?

Detective Two: Whoa calm down there partner. She’s not the criminal, she’s the victim. Keep that attitude for when we capture the person.

Detective One: If you ask me this whole thing stinks! How does someone just walk in here and take off with everything without being spotted? How were they able to get past the security guards? How on earth did they get access into a room, where only cards can be used? I mean come on summers, who do you think you’re fooling?

Summers: I really wish you would do your job! You just asked the multimillion dollar questions. The only thing you have to do is answer that. This is my career on the line here! Why would I do something like that? You are out of your mind and I will have you removed from this case! Now get out!
>> Business
Urbocast: The Emotion Behind
Hello Urbanville, this is Vegahorror bringing some info to the Urbocast.

I am a loyal listener of the Urbocast show. If you have not listened to this go to Urbaid ( and just press “play.” This show is all about Urbanville. J_Trane and Afro_Chic are the hosts and they always bring some fun stuff, weird things, and even horrifying facts (i.e., the moment when they talk about J_Trane’s hairy behind. :S) to your life.

Lately, I have found a little problem with one of the hosts. That is the reason why I brought a friend with me today. I hope that you like him because it took me a lot of effort to bring him to our time (yes, it is exactly as you think, I went to the past in a time machine…you know…no music, no funk, weird people yelling “kill him he is a sorcerer” long history, no time to tell). Now for the first time since he...died...Dr. Sigmund Freud (if you don’t know who he is...Well study...Or just go to Saint Google and search for it). Today we will discuss some serious topics about this program and the feelings hide behind.

Dr. Freud has previously listened to the show on my computer (which he referred to as “The peoples’ voice talking directly into our minds with some kind of weird power that some people will call magic but not me because I am Dr. Freud and I don’t believe in that” ...but after a deep conversation we agreed that it was a long name so we called it “PC”) because he needed to listen to the one that I believe has a serious personality problem...J_Trane. My personal opinion is that he is showing a lack of confidence, a lack of self-esteem, and a lack of a sexy voice. Also, he has showed desire for dudes to write him poems and many other deep and dirty secrets. Now, we will discuss what Dr. Freud discovered.

Vegahorror: Well Dr. Freud after listening to the programs...How would you define J_Trane?

Dr. Freud: He surely is an interesting person to study. He has so many problems that you would need two Dr Freuds to solve them *cough* but I will try my best to explain it to you as much as I can.

Vegahorror: Thanks Dr. Freud. What would be the problem that is affecting him the most?

Dr. Freud: After several tests with cute animals...I have discovered the worse problem that he is facing is the lack of sexiness...It seems that this affects him so deep that his own mind has created a wall that keeps the bad feelings inside. It is just like a little child remembering the time when he tried to reach a cookie jar but at the end the cookie jar fell on his head leaving him unconscious on the floor...

Vegahorror: ...Ok...*cough* Nice example...And what lead you to think this?

Dr. Freud: All started when the other host, Afro_Chic, mention something about others commending her on her sexy voice and giving her poems...That made him feel bad because the only one telling him that he has a sexy voice was his fluffy little teddy bear in the corner of his room in a middle of a lake of tears...He felt so sad like that little kid coming back from unconsciousness and finding that the cookie jar he tried so hard to get was just full of pocket change while his mother was waiting to punish him.

Vegahorror: Ok, please stop there…What do you think he is looking for right now?

Dr. Freud: He is looking to have people send him nice and pretty poems about how strong, manly, and sexy he is...I notice that in every show he tries hard to be the sexy one...but I think that he may need to focus a little bit more on his hairy butt...

Vegahorror: Wait just...Oh dear God I just vomited a little bit in my mouth...Yes I remember that comment...And all the nasty things said after that...Ok that’s enough...Tell me your final thoughts...

Dr. Freud: Well, after all the studies that I made I came to the conclusion that J_Trane is just like a little boy that after being punish for trying to get the cookie jar...Is now in his room looking at his hairy behind, and asking himself, “Am I going to be pretty and sexy like a ballet dancer when I grow up?”

Vegahorror: Ok...*cough*...Thank you for the interview Dr Freud...

Dr. Freud: Thank you for taking me out of my house at the middle of the night...

Vegahorror: That’s all for now. Thanks for your attention and just one final thought because I really didn’t want J_Trane upset so I wrote him a poem...

Oh J_Trane…your skin is as soft as the caring touch of a piece of sandpaper...
Your behind is so hairy that a little sweet monkey will look at it and say *uuuaaaaagugugiga*
That translated will means *long time no see Uncle Charlie*
And your voice…your voice is soooo sexy
That listening to it makes me remember
The sound of two elephants making more elephants on Discovery Channel


Vegahorror: By the way Dr. Freud...What’s the deal with little kids?

Dr. Freud: I had a terrible childhood...*tear in his eye* When I was 7 years old...
>> Comics
Stick It!: Trick or Treat 2
Click Me!
A Halloweenie Story
Click Me!