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Issue 133

Oct 12, 2008

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Issue 1

>> Editorials
Welcome Back
It has been long, too long between the last Chronicles and this one. Welcome back Chronicles. It pains me to say this but thank you to those who submitted articles. You made this issue possible.


The Masked Editor

P.S. Happy Thanksgiving to all Canadian members.
Articles or Lack Thereof
Ok, I’m serious now.

As Urbs, as a community, we have to step up to the plate.

I want to see Gallery entries, articles for the Chronicles. Before you all say, “But Kiki, where are your entries?” I would like you to all turn to exhibit A, the Gallery. I reside there; I put as many pictures as I can up without it affecting my schoolwork.

I cannot be the only one to notice that Chronicles are a scarce affair nowadays. I remember logging in every Sunday to a new paper on my crib doorstep, but now what?


We’re lucky to even get them bi-weekly, let alone every week.

And we have no one to blame but ourselves. So before moaning about it, complaining about the lack of ‘artistic skill’ and ‘funky things’ get off your backside and contribute to bringing the artistic skill back to Urbaniacs.

I know there are more artists out there than Love, Affy and Iron
What is Going On?
O.k., What’s the point of reading the Chronicles if you are not willing to write any? Because you want other people to keep it funky? That isn’t funky It’s easy to do. I know I know DL you rarely write for the Chronicles. So why are you getting on our case?

Because, I am sick and tired of seeing you all be complacent about this. I know everyone loves reading the Chronicles but ya know what WE CAN’T HAVE THEM IF NO ONE IS WILLING TO WRITE THEM. So let me say this:

Write the articles and send them to: [email protected].
Second Identities
Recently after reading an article by MosiacM titled “Who’s Who???” I too began to wonder how many newbies have I helped that were actually older members? We all know that the best way to figure out if an account is someone’s second account is to see if the newbie knows too much about the site. If they write you and they already know your nicknames, then there is something wrong, but what about those who play the game right? Those who know how to stay in the shadow asking questions when they already know the answers? Those are the members who we need to be wary about when it comes to giving away items or “hooking them up.”

This article is to those members. I’m not hating on the playa, I’m hating on the game at the moment because whenever you take an item from a member and they find out that it’s the account of an older member it means there is going to be a newbie who isn’t going to receive help or a hook up. When talking to new members, the first thing they praise about the site is the fact that people are so helpful and are willing to give them gifts just for being cool but if the older members are paranoid then the help stops. Without help or even a hook up from time to time newbies will get swallowed up by the site. We may not remember it but Urbaniacs can be a complicated site so before you take an item from another member under the disguise of a newbie, please remember that you are taking an item that can be used for someone who truly deserves it. Also, you help to poison the older members, which in some cases can be a very dangerous game because some older members are very vengeful.

In conclusion I would like to say, please, think about your fellow man before you bid 1 urbo on a cool item, it ruins the help system that has been set up for years in Urbanville.

Keep It Funky,

The Mistress of Funk
>> Top Stories
Sidekickology: Interfacing with your Sidekick
A satirical scientific study by Hobbes.

As an indisputable expert on a subject I just invented – Sidekickology – I can correctly state that one of the biggest problems all Urbaniacs of every disposition face is interaction with their sidekicks. Let’s face the facts; they’re creepy, but fear not! With my easy-to-read four-step stairway to understanding sidekicks, affiliating with your mini-you will not only be professional, but tolerable, too.

Firstly-like, it is very important that you, my dear reader, purchase as many sidekicks as possible. In fact, it is your civic duty as an Urbaniac citizen to buy as many of the little buggers as you bank account will allow! Once you have thirty or forty sidekicks, make sure you spend as little time as possible with most of them. This will make them emotionally dependent and malleable to your whims and desires. The best way to make your sidekicks like you is by ensuring they know as little about you as possible. Thus, distancing yourself from them stretches out their first-impression of you for a good year or so.

Secondly, name them impulsively. This will make them feel less like individuals, increasing the pack-mentality. Some names I would suggest are: funk_masheeeen, bl00dsuckah, irulez or mummieslilbaby. Such identities can also be used to publicly demean and humiliate sidekicks. That’s how they know their place. A suitable substitute for names such as these is no name at all. But that would make for awkward social gatherings when your friends inquire as to why you never summon you sidekick by their name.

Thirdly, enforce Da Rulez of the household. You as an Urbanianc have to put up with much hardship throughout the day, so make sure your sidekick is both not seen and not heard at home. This will allow for some “You” time. Let’s not forget the needs of the sidekick, though. Make sure you have a broom closet or something you can cram the little guy into. The psychological makeup of the sidekick species’ brain has proven they are more inclined to dark, confined spaces with little air or elbow room. Make sure you facilitate this need, no matter how much they may protest initially. They’ll calm down after a few minutes of inhaling carbon dioxide from their mini-cribs.

Fourthly, always compare you sidekick to a bologna sandwich. Explain that, like a bologna sandwich, which makes for a satisfactory meal, their work as sidekick is also rather adequate. This will dishearten them, but any compliment or positive inclination you exhibit will turn them into compliment junkies; once they’ve had a taste, they’ll endure any hardships to get more. Write a journal each day detailing all the positive things you’ve done for your sidekick. Then, pace yourself so you have progressively less to write about each day.

With these four simple steps, I feel that the border separating sidekicks and Urbaniacs will deteriorate into exasperated indifference. Many Urbs have already reached this conclusion, practicing this system without my guidance and they’ve turned out just dandy! In conclusion, remember that sidekicks are here to make our lives easier, and never let them fix your beverages beyond your supervision. They have been known to make clumsy and deadly mistakes to those who practice this philosophy. Silly things. Heed the advice of Doctor Richard Hobbes, expert Sidekickologist.
In an interview earlier today with summers she explained several important items were stolen from her office. During her short time at Chronicles HQ there were many articles completed. Starting out as nothing more than a mail delivery person and working her way up the latter to become a writer. Lately she had been working on a masterpiece that would help her win Urbitzer Prize. That award is only given to distinguished journalist. Now she feels that all of her hard work has gotten into the wrong hands.

An investigation is under way as the local police try to uncover a baffling mystery. At this time no one has been named as a suspect and all of Urbanville will be under watchful eyes until the thief is caught.

True_Nightmare: This is True_Nightmare, I’m reporting live from the office of summers in Chronicles HQ. Summers can you please explain to us what you think might have happened.

Summers: To be honest with you I just don’t know. I’ve done all sorts from many in all walks of life. Although I’m not so sure I will be doing one for a while. I came into my office this morning at 8 AM like normal. Everything in the office looked like it was running smoothly, until I opened my door. There is nothing like walking into your office to see your computer, your memory sticks gone and filing cabinet open.

True_Nightmare: How long after you called the detectives did it take for them to get here?

Summers: Well you see that is the funny part. I never got to call the Urb P.D. they were here before the whole scene registered in my head. I turned around to ask someone to call and there they were. Chief of Staff walked out of his office asking what all the commotion was about. One of the detectives said someone called and reported a break in. He was apologizing on how long it took them to get here. The other detective said they should have given better directions to where they needed to be.

True_Nightmare: Wow and no one told you on your way in that your office had been broken into?

Summers: No one knew about it. In fact not one person in the department I work in knew who even called them. You see they received the call somewhere around 6:30 Am and were here at 7 AM. That is 1 hour before everyone starts to arrive here.

True_Nightmare: Do you remember what the last thing was that you did Friday prior to leaving?

Summers: Friday night and I was working late on my next article for Urbanville Chronicle. The phone rang and I answered it my normal way. “Good evening this is Summers.” No one answered on the other line. I thought it might have been the wrong number so I hung up and continued with my article. Upon finishing the spell check and making sure there were no errors I saved it. I was thinking, “That is great now! All I will have to do tomorrow is finish this and turn it in.” You see, I only had a few more things to add and I would have been done a whole week early. While I’m typing there are always headphones on, the music helps me type. So I took them off and glanced over at the phone, the message light was blinking. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out why I never heard the phone ring. Curiosity got the best of me, thinking it might be another story, I got excited. When I pressed the play button I felt it could have waited. A very gruff overly distorted voice was heard. “You think you’re all big and bad. Thinking sitting behind that desk no one will ever figure out the truth about you? I’m here to tell you I’ve been watching and you will not get a way with it.” Not knowing what they were talking about, I left the message on my answering machine. The article that was being worked on was saved yet again; I placed the memory stick in the cabinet, and locked everything up.

The strangest thing was while walking to my car. A very uneasy feeling came over me. I had just started doing an awesome article on what I consider is an instrumental citizen of Urbanville. Why would anyone call and leave that kind of message. Who on earth could be so upset that they felt the need to leave that type of a message for me? Since I couldn’t think of any answers I hit my unlock button and got into my car and started it. I looked up to notice a sheet of paper on my windshield, it was held down by the wipers. It simply read, “yoU WilL NOt geT AwaY witH thIs.” All the letters were used from some type of magazine. After sitting there for several minutes looking around and making sure no one was there, I got out of the car and grabbed the paper. Getting back into the car my mind started to think about all the interviews I had done. “Gee what on earth did I do? Everything I’ve have ever written was straight from my meetings or done on the air.”

So as you can see, I hope someone in Urbanville might be able to help me solve the mystery. The police are baffled because there weren’t any figure prints left behind. A clean sweep in my office left nothing but the usual things behind.

True_Nightmare: Ok Urbanville here is the scoop. As weeks go by different clues are going to be given and should lead you to the mystery person. Do you think you have what it takes to solve this mystery? If so call me. I have a handsome reward for the one who can solve it and return all of Summer’s things back to her.

Here is how it is gonna go:

1. The name of the person(s) who are behind this.
2. The reason why they stole my items.
3. What they were trying to stop me from writing.
4. How they got away with all that equipment.
5. Where all the evidence was found.

>> Business
Newbies need some help?
Ok here are a few tips and helpful ways when joining Urbaniacs.

First off always check out what new gear is out. Your stats can increase! Make sure that it equips to your body! The Mayor is now saying he will bring out new fresh gear every 1-2 weeks! Now, there are some cash items out there, but whatever you do don’t ask anyone to buy you a cash item! If you ask, you might get yourself dissed.

Props are earned by doing something good or inviting an Urb to an assault, etc. The more you give the more you will get back! But then if you do something wrong then you will get dissed which is the opposite of a prop. So say you got 150 props and you got dissed it will go down to 148 (or more depending on who disses you).

It important to train, collect your interest, get a lottery ticket, and post a few times. Training helps you increase your stats and better stats help you win more! Put all your urbos into your bank when you’re not using them and you can get FREE urbos which is called interest. You collect this. Why not increase your chance of winning the lottery by getting a FREE lottery ticket! You can win many things, urbos, tps and sidekicks. Posting a few times shows that you are active and committed to the site, many Urbs like that and you can earn yourself props from this.

Always enter competitions that are offered to you. At the moment I am currently doing 2 competitions. One is where you can get a FREE cash item by posting your name. Another is you can get loads of free items for free all you got to do is write a 100 word minimum essay. Sykick is holding a contest where you have to send a picture to the gallery to win a prize! All this information is in the Newbie’s forum, this thread will help you understand things and questions. If you need any other help contact one of the older members.

Now here are a few links to web pages that will help you with guidance around Urbaniacs,

Urbaid - (Made by Love_Child)

This page is all about Urbaniacs, it shows all the gear/gadgets there is gives frequent updates on daily things and literally will answer any questions you need answered.

YouTube Tutorials – (Made by Soul_Corruptor)

Buying and equipping gear -

Daily things to do on Urbaniacs -

Now for a little challenge... This is available for all Urbs.

Rules - send me the answer in urbogram.
- The first from each category to guess it wins

Categories - 0-100 days
- 101 days +

Ok the question is....

Take the number of times Blast-Off Rocket Captain jumps on the buildings on the homepage and multiply it by the amount of letters in Urbaniacs. Then, add it to the number of Mojo that is on a Burning Desire. Finally, divide it by the total (or the sum) of the Lava Jammers stats. Do you think you have the answer?

Kingz ;)