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Issue 119

Feb 19, 2008

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Issue 1

>> Top Stories
A Rumble in the Jungle?
Not really.

The Heroes and Villains clashed once again in a battle hosted by Dragus_Loader. This reporter, who didn't want to miss the "excitement," woke up early only to see another disappointing battle. To be honest, I almost missed the battle but after watching it, I wish that was the case. What promised to be an answer to the prior battle that the Hustle Alliance hosted resulted in snores being heard all over Urbanville.

To add some entertainment to this battle I will break it up into two parts. Part 1 is called "The Mad Dash." Part 2 is called "The Disgrace."

Part 1: The Mad Dash

A mad dash to the battle? No, a mad dash to ask the newbies to leave. When did newbies become so stubborn? Once the Family forced their newbie to leave and the H.A. was still trying, the battle was started. That leads us to part 2:

The Disgrace

Without asking, Dragus_Loader started the battle. I may be new, but isn't that against the rules? Heh, his own teammate, Soul_Corruptor showed his disgust in that move by issuing another challenge with a promise that the battle wasn't going to start, until everyone said it was okay. Imagine my surprise, considering that Dragus_Loader used Soul_Corruptor as his excuse to breaking a sacred code.

Team one, that consisted of Soul_Corruptor, Dragus_Loader, and rackman claimed a victory over MrAnderson and Afro_Chic who stopped taking the battle seriously and broke out into a funky dance. I'm surprised that no one was challenged to a dance off.

This battle was worse than consuming a dinner of plain rice cakes, uncooked tofu, with water as a finisher.

This is Honnah Lee saying:

If you're a Villain and the Heroes say you've cheated, you did your job, but if your own teammates are disgusted with your performance, then you are a disgrace.
Battle Digest
This is the first article of a new column. Every time the Chronicles comes out, I will have an article that reviews all the latest battles.

Look at it as a kind of sports page.

There are two problems opposing this column right now though.

A. I can't be at every battle. In fact, I can hardly stay through any at all. So, if you want your battle featured in the Chronicles, be sure to send me the transcript, or at least the final results. If you need to use more than 1 urbogram, please feel free to do so.

B. People don't battle much. In fact, it is quite odd. Battling is something the site was based off of... it was one of the main sources of entertainment in the early days.
But now traffic has been forced to the forums and elsewhere.

So, I encourage you all to start battling again! Show off your strength in the old-style 4v4, or maybe a one on one match suits you best. I have slacked in this department as well, but I think its time I get into the brawls again too.

In the meantime, though, I was able to nab one battle transcript which I will briefly report to you now.

The teams:

Beaverteeth, RUSHBOY, JuicyFruit, and Dersarend versus J_Trane, Richmax, Rackman, and zeebert.

For brevity's sake, JuicyFruit's team is team number one, while J_Tranes is team number two.

Within moments of my arrival, team number two took out Beaverteeth and outnumbered team one for most of the match. Quite a few times, it even looked like team two had a fighting chance.

But in the end, JuicyFruit's stats were too sublime to be overcome, and smashed team two into the dust after a long long battle.

So there it is folks... Look forward to more in you're next Chronicles!
>> Business
Cash for Items: Point/Counter Point
The Masked Editor: Feh. Since this is causing a stir, the "reporters" of the Chronicles and yours truly have decided to discuss this in an engaging manner. Or at least try since I am dealing with Scoop and Handsome. All the issues here are based on what we've seen in the forums. The participants here are doing this for the art of rhetoric. We'll start this debate with a statement from Scoop who is against items for cash. Scoop?

Scoop: Yo, it's good for the site, I guess, but it makes stuff easier for the new members, aight? That ain't cool! What about those homeys who worked hard to get their stats? Now they have newbies who can kick their butts! That ain't right, man!

Masked Editor: How articulate. Now it's time for Handsome, who is for cash items, to present his opening statement.

Handsome: What my fine yet confused partner in crime is doing is focusing on the smaller issue. He's looking at individuals. In retrospective, without extra funds, there will be no Urbanville. Without Urbanville, there would be no Ladies. Without Ladies, Handsome would be a very sad yet sexy man. Don't take away Handsome's Ladies.

Masked Editor: You disgust me in ways I can't articulate.

Item 1: Is cash for items beneficial for the site? Handsome, you may begin.

Handsome: Of course it is. It keeps Urbanville the funkiest place to grace the online areas. Not to mention it keeps me neck deep in the Ladies!

Scoop: It creates problems, yo! Members on the site become lazier than before! Why work for your stats when ya can just by the new gear and get those stats! That's whack yo!

Masked Editor: So is your inability to express yourself without using the word "yo."

Next item: Should there be a probation period for newbies? This would prevent them from buying items when they first arrive. Scoop, begin.

Scoop: Heck yea! It forces them to work for their stats! Earn some pride! Get a taste of what hard work is, you know? That's all I'm sayin'!

Masked Editor: No. You'll say more. Handsome?

Handsome: That makes no sense. That's like a Lady, who wants Handsome, telling Handsome that he can't kiss her for a few days when she knows she needs the kiss. Handsome isn't going to kiss her after that. Handsome will find someone else to kiss. If you put that up there, then those people will find other ways to spend their money. Instead of here.

Masked Editor: Creepy, but a good point. Item 3: What about the players who have been here for a long time? Is this fair for them? Handsome.

Handsome: Life, like a sexy Lady who is taken, isn't fair. Everywhere Handsome goes, things are easier. When Handsome was in school, Handsome didn't have a calculator to do math. Now they do. The first "class" of players here didn't have the abundance of training passes like the 2nd generation did when they first arrived. Now the 2nd generation can say that when they first started, they didn't have gear to buy for stats. Handsome believes this will continue. Yet Handsome is perplexed, why fight it? Use the same items to enhance yourself. While you're arguing, people are getting better stats, gear, and Handsome is hugged up next to his lady.

Masked Editor: I'm perplexed that you know the word perplexed. Scoop?

Scoop: Life ain't fair but the site should be fair! They should work for the same stats that everyone else should!

Handsome: Fine, then everyone should give away their stats. Handsome believes that if you truly hate what's going on, then the 2nd generation should give up the stats they got from all the training passes they earned. While they are making things fair and earning their stats the same way the Big Dogs before them did, they should give up their sabers and urbos because they got those easily. Play 3 games a day, scrimp and save for the items that they want. Handsome believes that every 2nd generation member who hates the idea of cash for gear items should make their piece with the 1st generation Big Dogs before them Handsome only wonders if they would.

Masked Editor: Heh, they won't. The Final Item: What do you think about RichMax's "Great Strip Strike"? Scoop.

Scoop: It's his business.

Handsome: Handsome wonders if he knows that by default, if he purchased items, he would be stronger than the newbies.

Scoop: Perhaps the brotha doesn't have the loot.

Handsome: Then he could use your program "Gear for the Gearless."

Masked Editor: Do you think they are stupid enough to believe that wasn't scripted.

Handsome and Scoop: No.

Masked Editor: Thank you gentlemen. I use that term loosely.
Yearbook Results!
Hey Urbanville!

I'm coming to you with the Yearbook results! Remember, before you grumble, YOU helped pick these winners. If you didn't vote, what happened? Were you living under a rock or something? *smiles* Oh well, you missed this round but at least you can vote around this time next year.

That's right, NEXT YEAR. Don't come to me and talk about doing a yearbook 5 months from now. Seriously.

I think this round of votes went smoothly, don't you? If you have any suggestions then shoot me an urbogram with some constructive criticism!

Without further ado:

Forum Master
Afro_Chic - 58%
The_Legal_Eagle - 42%

Drama Queen
JuicyFruit - 69%
Cold_Blooded - 31%

M.V.P. - Heroes
MrAnderson - 61%
Flaming_Hair_Jim - 39%

M.V.P. - Villains
Maggot - 68%
Goddess_De_Nocturne - 32%

M.V.P. - Beatniks
Love_Child - 62%
Afro_Chic 38%

M.V.P. - Vigilantes
Summers - 66%
The_Legal_Eagle - 34%

M.V.P. - Nomads
Mayor_DaMan - 62%
Breaker - 38%

Favorite Weapon
Diggity Dagger - 28%
Double Staff Infection - 50%
Saber - 22%

Favorite Sidekick
Wereboy - 38%
Shwolf - 25%
DragonNass - 38%

Favorite Game
BoomBox - 88%
Which Way is Up - 12%

Favorite Thread
Listenin' To? - 49%
Throw a Snowball - 19%
The Barbershop - 32%

Rockin' Avatar
Kleep85 - 37%
Afro_Chic - 41%
Love_Child - 17%
Mystical_Moon_Chic - 4%

Funkiest Artist
Iron_Pants - 63%
Love_Child - 38%

Summers - 64%
JuicyFruit - 36%

CrimsonKing - 58%
DudeMan - 43%

JuicyFruit - 46%
MrAnderson - 27%
DudeMan - 17%
CrimsonKing - 10%

Most Mysterious
Masked_Editor - 41%

Most Sinister
CrimsonKing - 44%
Soul_Corruptor - 56%

Congrats to all of the winners! I will contact you when your trophy is ready!

See you all in a year!

Keep it Funky!

The Mistress of Funk