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Issue 114

Dec 2, 2007

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Issue 1

>> Business
Chronicles Guidelines
Feh. I'll won't insult you. Much. Here:

Articles need to be shorter

Editorials and stories will have some flexibility. If you have a point, make it. If the article is going to be long, break it up. There is something wrong with an article that’s 10 pages long. That line is from experience, feh.

Articles need to be coherent

Every article needs some sort of editing. I have no problems doing that. I don't want to edit entire articles. I hate trying to decipher hieroglyphics. If I can’t understand, it won’t make the Chronicles.

Articles must be Urbaniacs based

Do I need to explain this? You aren’t that slow. Heh, yes you are. If your article doesn’t reflect the site, it won’t be used.

Articles must be of an interest to other people

Before you write. Think. Are you writing to be in the paper or do you wish to entertain your fellow Urbaniacs? Every Urbaniac isn’t going to appreciate your articles.

Articles must be funky (Ira’s suggestion)

The Chronicles is the place to showcase talent. It keeps track of our history. If things aren’t recorded, there's no proof it happened. Pretend it is a time capsule. What do you want future members to know about this time?


Write me. I’ll answer.

The Masked Editor
Pirate Ninja Article
Hey everyone. Its FLY_GIZZLE here, telling my fellow Urbaniacs about the crew, "The Pirate Ninjas Reborn." The reason we have the word "reborn" in it because there was the first pirate ninjas crew...but sadly it didn’t work out so well. So the "Pirates crew" and the "Ninja Pirates" got together and decided to break into 3 crews as an alliance. So they were allies...The Legendary Pirates, Psycho Pirates, and The Pirate Ninjas Reborn. But the Psychos and Legendary Pirates sadly didn’t work either...So the only standing Pirates today are "The Ninja Pirates". We are the hope of all. We are looking forward to recruiting new members so we can keep the pirate life above the water. We won’t let it go under. So if you are interested. Please contact Kleep85. You can request to join by sending Kleep85 an urbogram or go to this link in the forms:

Thank you for your time.

Urb On

December Rap Battle!!

My Space and Facebook Contest!
There’s a new contest coming out! It’s time to take over My Space and Facebook! That’s right! Let’s take over those sites!

The Contest

Your mission, if you decide to accept is to make a My Space or a Facebook page for your character. If your character had a My Space or a Facebook page, what would it look like? What would you say? That doesn’t mean taking your original page and adding Urb stuff to it. Nope, I mean make a different page for your Urbaniacs Character.

For example... Afro_Chic!

“But Affy, what’s in it for me?!”

There’s talk of a Double Infection Staff and a +25 training pass for the cat who wins first place. Second place winner will receive a +25 training pass!

Also, it helps with marketing the site! If you truly believe that Urbaniacs is the funkiest site in the cyber world, it’s time to spread the word! Once you make your page, give us the link so we can be each other’s buddies!

Deadline: January 5, 2008

Check the Lounge the next few days for more information!

Keep it Funky!

The Mistress of Funk

P.S. We’ll see who has the HTML skills in Urbanville! *winks*
>> Top Stories
Funked Up? Continued:
Funky mode on:

When I first started to do this story I thought back on 2 of my favorite homeys. Afro_Chic and JuicyFruit. I thought, now if they were in a situation like this, what would they do? Well, I changed my name and changed my look.
I was wondering if I’d be accepted as a villain or not. So I took my first big bold step of my mission. I entered into the League of Shadow’s office and said, “Ugh I’ve had enough, I’ve seen the light. The GoatFits’ mighty hoof has woken me up.”

I was welcomed by some right from the start and not so by others. At the first sight goddess_de_nocturne was ready to put her multiplicity in full force and take me out. Then along came Kali_Maa, who is one evil woman you don’t wanna tick off. She thought I had the 24 hour villain flu. Well everything was going along just fine and dandy for me. Then the next thing I know, along came RichMax joining the clan. I sure thought I was toast then. I figured he’d see right threw me and would tell the others. So I worked harder on my villainous ways. Boy that can be one tough job. Now I have is sorrow in my heart for all who wanna be a villain. Lol NOT!!!!!

The first thing I did was go out into the forum and play funky trash talk’n with my homey’s. Oh brother, the confusion that caused was way tooo funny. I had to talk down those that I stood beside since I first came to Urbanville. Oh my, that was hard to do and keep a straight face while doing so. There were so many times I wanted to shout that this was just an assignment, but I didn’t. I just kept up the evil charade I was playing. My mom leonine even came along. She though if she would slap me upside the head I would straighten up and go back home. Nope I was here to see this story through. Keeping her in the dark was way more fun than I had planned it to be. If you could have been a fly on the wall at dinner time, you’d see the looks she gave me. The old saying if looks could kill I’d be dead, rings loud and clear in my head.

The best part was a battle that RichMax started. Being the evil villain he is, he started a fight with you Mayor_DaMan, yup I just had to prove I was big and bad. So I joined Rich, trying to hold back the laughter as the battle began. I even said you wouldn’t show because you don’t join in battles. You once again proved me wrong. Hahahah, wow! I never knew just how pearly white those teeth were. It’s a mighty good thing you don’t smile like that all the time Mayor. The next time I want evenly made toast I’m going to find you, you just turned Rich right into perfectly grilled toast in the matter of one smile.

The Twist
Drop that coffee cause Scoop has got another scoop on the Rap Battles! What’s da twist? Non-Urbaniac judges! If ya think that’s it, you’re wrong! Seems like da prototype arch-nemeses are makin’ it so that in da semi-finals are secretive! Lemme break it down:

Ya won’t know what your competition has written until everyone sends their rap in. What?! That’s right. We gonna see who has da skillz to drop that ill joint when they can’t see another rapper’s flow!

Yo, those two are illin’ but this round of da December Rap Battles is gonna be the first! I even heard that the feathered one is gonna take da mic and lay down a lyric or two!

Are ya missin’ da sound that da computer makes when ya got an urbogram? It’s comin’ back soon with some other gifts! I heard that Ira’s got a gift for all of us and he’s gonna distribute it befo’ Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Three King’s Day, or whatever yo’ lil heart desires to celebrate durin’ this time! Open up those peepers! It’s comin’!

Ya just got da scoop with your boy Scoop!
>> Comics
Love in Urbanville
Handsome spots many Urbaniacs coupling up. Good to see. Folks are taking Handsome’s advice and spreading the love. While reading through the forums, Handsome spotted interactions between the evilest couple, Dzhelasi and Soul_Corruptor. They are adorable, even if they are scary. The Vampires can show off about their new power couple goddess_de_nocturne and rackman. Handsome guesses that you can find this couple loving in the night time. Finally, in the little Barbershop located in the Hustle Alliance, it looks like Under_Cover_Brotha is trying to make his move. Handsome has some advice for you:

She’s a tough cookie to crack. Abort your mission because Handsome is working on that dime piece.

Spread the Love!

Handsome U. Whantme

(Out of Character: Kids, playing on the site is one thing. Trust me, S.M.K. loves to schmooze the ladies, but I also protect myself. The site wasn’t built for hooking up. This article was for fun. – S.M.K.)

Disclaimer: Handsome U. Whantme is NOT a licensed psychologist! He's just a man who has too much time on his hands and advice to hand out. If you want to write him, send all questions to [email protected]. Make sure that you put "Ask Handsome" in the subject field.