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Issue 112

Nov 4, 2007

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Issue 1

>> Top Stories
Urbanville Meets Capitalism

The Swap Meet. A chance for Urbaniacs to exchange items or a chance to gouge your fellow man?

Feh, after seeing those training pass prices, it is the latter. For the simple minded fools out there, I mean it’s a chance to gouge your fellow man. Keep up with me. I will go slowly, I promise.

How can a measly tp range from 90k – 110k? A pathetic +5 tp. You can buy a scrawny sidekick or battle gear for those prices. You can’t fault the sellers. It’s basic supply and demand. Supply and demand is a business term. It means the more the masses want your product (demand) the more you give them (supply) but at a price. Heh, I promised I would go slowly. If that’s still too fast for you, stop reading this article.

Who is to blame for the inflated prices? The fools who purchase them. Not that I care what you nincompoops do with your money, but aren’t you smart enough to realize that while trying for training passes you can earn money? Or has everyone gotten lazy? Watch out, I doubt your cape and breast plates are designed to hide the gut that your belts can’t contain.

If you’re willing to spend high prices for a miserable +5 tp you’re dense.

But it’s your business.

Welcome to Urbanville, Capitalism. Enjoy your stay. Just ignore the imbeciles. Even if they do make up the majority of the population.

The Masked Editor
I Spy...
With my new double staff infection in my hand, I came to the realization that...

My bank account was EMPTY! I needed to replenish the funds that I squandered on my new toy! Instead of begging for it or trying to push my cheesy music tracks on the Urbanville community, I decided to go old school and revisit the games that first helped me make my millions. It was hard at first. I had definitely lost my game mojo, but I knew with a little practice, it would come back.

My eyes perused the game paged until they got to “Trivia Royale.” I remembered how good it felt to win 5,000 urbos after finishing a quiz, but that was in the past for I had already answered all of the trivia rounds.

Or did I?

When I clicked the game, I noticed something new! I spied with my gorgeous brown eyes an 11th round made by the one and the only Maggot! Coincidence? I think not! If you knew Maggot, you knew that he was always trying to stump someone. He loved games so it made sense that the new round would be created by him. I noticed that most of his questions dealt with sidekicks. Preston was even happy because he was mentioned twice! I thought that I had those questions on lock, but when I pressed submit, I found out that I only got 3 out of 10 correct! I know that I could easily look up the answers, but being the Mistress of Funk, I thought I had a good grasp on the site’s knowledge. Now I see that I need to brush up on my sidekick know how.

Oh Maggot, you have managed to stump me once again but I WILL pass your test!

There are 5,000 urbos up for grabs guys! Go get your trivia on!

Keep it Funky!

The Mistress of Funk

New Contest?
The Mistress of Funk is da chick you see all over da ‘Ville but yo, what does she do? I don’t know! In order for me to find out a brotha would hafta become a stalker and that ain’t my thang! But yo what I do know is she’s hookin’ y’all up with a new contest! I can’t tell you what it is specifically (yea a brotha knows big words, and what!) cuz I don’t know. What I do know is it’s gonna make my contest look like a chump!

A brotha went back to his undercover work. This time, I was chillin’ at the Hep Cat Chill Spot dressed up like a drum. Afro_Chic came in, set down her cane, and called Ira. Whatever the contest is I found out dat the prize is a Double Infection Staff and a +25 training pass! 2nd place will receive a +25 training pass and 3rd place ain’t gonna get jack!

Keep yo’ eyes opened yo! If ya miss this contest, yah gonna be kickin’ yourself in da backside!

Ya just got da scoop from Scoop!
Anemia Returns!
Carveus, your intrepid reporter here, returning after a long absence to bring you this new.

I left long ago to work out the source of this odd anemia that has blighted fair Urbanville for as long as most can remember.

My search took me through the will of Hungry, through the lush Amazon, managed to find the Fountain of Youth whilst I was there, which was rather nice, but I lost my map, but I digress.

I have followed the source of this terrible affliction around the world, and it has returned to fair Urbanville and so have I. Heroes, Villains, Beatniks, Nomads and Vigilantes are all being struck down, once again rumors of bats and mist floating around, and yet I am no closer to unlocking the cause of this.

And before you say anything, it's not tomato soup, it’s jam from the scone I had earlier, ha.

I will report again when I come closer to discovering what causes this strange phenomenon, even if it takes another round the world trip.

And please ignore what any old German professors, military organizations or any other such outfits might have you believe. Mass hysteria, it's a terrible thing.
>> Business
Funked Up?
It seems there is a shift in the pull of Urbs on this game. Some who were Villains became Heroes. There are some who were Vigi’s that decided to wake up and become Villains. Oh my, what a disturbance in the force there has been. It seems that an uprising is on the way I wonder if you all can handle it.

As I wander threw the town I take noticed of a few forums. This town seems to have lost some of its funk. Where are the smack talk that would keep Villains, Vigi’s, and Heroes battling? They seem to have lost their flavor among all the battles.
There was once a time you could jump into a forum and have loads of fun with the other groups. Now you all seem to take things just a little bit serious, so hey let’s get back into funky mode and have a great time.

Well Mr. Mayor, I have finished my under-cover work. Wow that was one hard assignment. I for one am sure glad it’s over. Here is my final draft of all hafts in Urbanville.

To be continued:

GoatFist Unmasked Winners
GoatFist is unmasked and the winners are:

1st prize

A mess of unruly, short black curls sit upon a most unfortunate head. Such a long twisted face stuck on a thick skull which over hangs his back by an inch or two. His eyebrows are like two withered pieces of black grass tossed over two slits one might call eyes. Each deeper than the most forbidding reaches of space, they seem to absorb all. A razor thin nose is slashed down the middle of his face, almost as if it were an after-thought meant to fill an empty space. That, along with deathly gaunt cheeks, makes his face seem so much longer. His mouth and gnarled chin seem to be worlds away from his wide, bare forehead. Like his nose, the lips are nothing more than a slash on his face, devoid of almost all color. Finally, a long pointed chin hangs off the bottom of his face. It is framed by long black sideburns melding into a foot long goatee.

2nd prize

Tall, very skinny scrawny man. He doesn't have any muscles, so he needs his superpower to make him strong. If you get to see his face, it would make your cringe. He has a skinny face with high cheekbones, a rounded jaw line. Big Dark poofy eyebrows, a long thin nose, his hair is dirty blond. Mainly because he's too busy fighting to take a bath. His eyes are shaped like olives with hazel color to them. This is only due to wearing colored contacts. His very light pink lips have a snarled look to them because he has never smiled.

3rd prize

Ever seen the Wizard of OZ?!?! Remember the scene where Dorothy, Tinman et al. is talking to the great and powerful OZ? Well imagine that OZ is, Puncherjoe, Flaming_Hair_Jim and, Zeebert the naked wild nature boy. So imagine the four of us standing before the great and powerful GOATFIST... (Flaming ball of fire with his face imprinted on it ranting and raging away) and when Fruitloop, my sidekick, pulls aside the red curtain, Goatfist - yells out. DONT LOOK BEHIND THE LITTLE RED CURTAIN!!! O_O ...because who...who...WHO...Could it be?!?!? ...Okay, hang on to your juicyfruits...Cause this ain't pretty... It's... It's... IT'S Mayor DaMan!! Yes!!! HE is the person behind the little red curtain! Goatfist and DaMan are the same!! (And this is not the 10 days of NYQUIL talking!! lol)... DaMan even has a "goatie!!"

3rd prize

Click me to see the picture!
>> Comics
Here's something completely different. A little poem to show my artsy side.


Welcome to Urbanville
Where The Family flies free
Villainy runs rampant
And Goatfist holds an iron grip
Without even scratching a flea

Welcome to Urbanville
A place where Heroes save no one
The Laws hold no boundaries
New heroic organizations are crippled
Just as soon as they’ve begun

Welcome to Urbanville
There are some other groups here
Vigilantes who can’t quite fit in
Beatniks who make art and worship a fro
And Nomads, as to what they do is unclear

So, Welcome my friend
Enjoy your stay
Try not to trip on the road kill zeroes
On your journey to the dark side of town
Where the Villains come out and play