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Issue 111

Nov 4, 2007

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Issue 1

>> Editorials
The Council: Here Today, Gone Today
I was challenged to write an actual article so here it is. I don’t care if you like it. If you don’t, keep it to yourself.

The Urbanville Council, an idea created by Senator_Urbaniac, didn’t last long enough to make an impact. Feh, it didn’t last long enough to annoy me. Before the Council could make any changes, GoatFist came along and destroyed it. That confused me. What does GoatFist care about a Council? I tried calling, but I don’t speak animal. Tried calling the Mayor. He was too busy. Probably admiring himself in the mirror. Called the Deputy Mayor. He wanted to charge me to talk to him. Lawyers, hmph! I gave the Mistress of Funk a call. I didn’t understand her Beatnik accent. How many times can she say the word “funky”? After that call, I took a break. She gave me a headache. Senator_Urbaniac had been M.I.A. lately. Who can answer my question? Not that I care about the Council but how did can chewing Capra get the power to destroy it? Where is the pretty boy homosapien? Shouldn’t there have been a thwart of some kind? Or was he too busy getting his metrosexual pedicure that day? Were the Deputy Mayor and the Mistress of Funk too busy having yet another petty argument? If City Hall can’t protect the Urbanville Council, how can they expect to protect us?

Like most Urbaniacs, I am perplexed.

The Masked Editor

P.S. I will return to my rants next week. If you don’t like them, TOUGH.
Urbanville is getting funky
Urbanville is getting funky by getting more body and gear and some new funky games. Trading is out and ya can trade stuff with other people. Some great news the how GOATFIST looks like contest is over but we don't know the winners so keep the look out for the winners and new stuff. Don’t forget to keep checking the City Hall for new people!

Ya friend,

Where Have All The Crews Gone?
Well, I called out the Chronicles writers, so now it’s time to show them what real news look like!

I’ve been noticing an extreme lack of crews in town. I mean, there’s my Pirate Ninja crew, and even that isn’t as booming in business as I’d like it. Other than that, the other pirate crews came out strong and then decided they were bored and quit. Then we have some newbs that come in from time to time to make their crew and leave from the site forever. Where have all the crews gone?

I understand that people have obligations to The Family or The H.A. or H.U.U. (whatever those crazy zeroes are calling themselves these days), but really, most of you have extra time on your hands in which you could be making friends and battling partners in a crew!

What we really need is for some players who’ve been around the block for a while to start a few crews. I mean, we haven’t had some good crew battles since the Vikings and Pirates were fighting and that was months ago. Imagine if Afro_Chic and her He(m)p Cats decided to duke it out with diddoe and his Salad Squad! Oh the 4 on 4 battles we could have!

So, all I’m saying is, give crews a chance. Crack out those matching crew jackets, start some battles while snapping your fingers, and just play it cool man, real cool!
Oh Kleep85?
In light of Kleep’s recent article I have a few things to say. Well don’t worry Kleep, I’m not going to rip you a new one. It’s your opinion but since you went out of your way to call out the Beatniks, a Beatnik is going to respond.

So let me get this straight. If I receive about 5 urbograms a week from folks telling me how much they enjoy my writing and 1 article every 6 months from someone complaining about my writing style, wouldn’t that mean I’m thinking about my audience? Here’s the thing Kleep darling, when you’re an artist you’re going to have negative responses. I am indeed an artist inside and outside of Urbanville. When I receive negative critique I read it and I think about it. If there is a need for change, I change. And honey, the masses don’t seem to have an issue with my writing. Only you. Unless you are the only one with the cojones to say something. If that were the case, we’ll never know, huh?

When it comes to Preston’s adventures, are you speaking for Urbanville as a whole? I guarantee that you aren’t. Preston has people who go out of their way to say hello to him in battles, assaults, and he receives urbograms. I’ve even received requests to have Preston post in the forums. Hmmm...

Ahhh, the City Hall/Forums comment. I’m the type of person who groans when someone hands out reading material and then proceeds to read me what’s on that paper. I have eyes, no? I can read, right? If it’s in City Hall, then folks can read it. Why repeat it? In my eyes, that’s a waste of time. Now, if YOU want to do it, then go for it. Just know that I’ll be skipping over your article because I either read it in City Hall or I knew about it before it even hit City Hall. In addition, the forums idea. Good idea, how about you do that too? Since they are your ideas you should round up a posse of Chronicles writers to help you execute these ideas.

I started writing for the Chronicles when I realized that there weren’t articles here to make folks laugh, smile, or even have a good time. That’s the problem that I realized and I worked to change it. You realized a problem so...

Are you going to work to change it? Or are you a “one pump chump?” Keep in mind that I realize that you wrote an article again this week. Will that be it from you? Like battles, games, and the forums, the Chronicles aren’t for everyone. The cool thing about this site is everyone has something that interests them. It would be cool if EVERYONE read the Chronicles, but they don’t. *shrugs shoulders* I don’t care about those cats or those who don’t dig my articles at all. *smirks* I write for those who look forward to my articles because you can't please everyone. And besides, my non-conformity doesn’t allow me to change myself to suit others. What you see is what you get.

Once again, thank you for your critiques but in the future, perhaps it would be best served if you speak for yourself and not the entire town of Urbanville because it is difficult for one to know how everyone is feeling. To end my article, I would like to quote a respected member in Urbaville, "Affy, don't let a lazy untalented person tell you how to write your articles." Yes, she was talking about you. tee hee!

Keep it Funky,

The Mistress of Funk

P.S. Beatniks ALWAYS do it BETTER!
>> Politics
Punk Villains
Callin all VVV or as I like to call them vain, vaporiferous, vermin you call yourselves the best yet only a handful of you truly are what you say you are. I say 90% of you posers are faking your entire existence of villainy. Gutless wonders preying on the weak of Urbanville fighting only Heroes with half your stats. Well let me tell you one thing nobody has respect for any of you cowards. Start sending battle invites to those of us who can defend ourselves and see who gets the beat downs. I will no longer stand idly by while my fellow Heroes are being called out. So Villains beware I will have companions with me who will uphold the justice in Urbanville. Be ready for a war for it will start soon and you will not be able to find anyone left to protect you not even the smelly lamb. The HUU is here to slaughter the vicious wrong doers, get ready for an all out verbal and physical assault coming from this Hero.

Spaz, The Disgruntled Avenger of Heroes
>> Top Stories
The Block is Hot!
What’s Happenin’, my brotha’s and sista’s of Urbanville!!!

It’s your very own “Soul Brotha” bringing you the whole funk and nothing’ but in the news this week!

The word is that the staff of the Chronicle have gone on a strike so it’s up to me, being the Hero that I am, to bring you the latest on what’s goin’ down in our funky town!

First up, The “Mighty”(mighty as in smell) GoatFist has decided to take a more active role in leadership when it comes to his villainous group, The Family! He says,” THE WINDS OF CHANGE ARE BLOWING…” Hopefully, blowing in the direction back to the sewers…He further states that, “I RULE THE FAMILY, AND YOU FAITHFUL FOLLOWERS ARE MY CHILDREN. NO MORE HIERARCHY, NO MORE RANKING - YOU ARE ALL MY CHILDREN. BUT, JUST LIKE ANY FAMILY, SOME ARE MY FAVORITES, AND SOME SHALL BE DISOWNED.” Looks like some long over due cleaning is about to go down in the House of the Goat, or should I say BARN?

Heads up Hero, the ugliness could spill over into the streets so let’s stay sharp!

Next Up, the Vigilante’s have taken on a more aggressive role in the form, calling out both Heroes and Villains to the streets. For a while they have keep to themselves carrying out there plans and now they are unleashing and asserting their power…Stay tuned for what they may have in store for us next!

And speaking of what’s next, there has been a lot of chatter comin’ from the Beta Testers forum leaking into the forums of the general public…I cannot confirm or deny as to what it is, but I know it has to be something big!!

And saving the best for last, Heroes making it Happen!

H.U.U. , of course!
Wanna know more, I bet you do!

Peace and love,

“Urb On!”
The Urbanville 12: Part 12
The Urbanville 12: Round 12: Clue 1
The Urbanville 12: Round 12: Clue 2
The Urbanville 12: Round 12: Clue 3
The Urbanville 12: Round 12: Clue 4
The Urbanville 12: Part 12: The results
>> Comics
Trouble With My Rump Roast pt. 1
Ohhhhh so much trouble going on this week, my Rump Roast, who is named P (P_Feary), wrecked havoc. After a long day stealing burritos at the henchlings, I walked home to feed P. P always loves burritos, devouring them in less than 1 minute! Little eating machine O.o. But, something was very different as I went home, it was dead silent. Usually I will hear a snort, annoying my twinvisibles (Feary and Fearless). Usually I will smell something bad (or left over O.o). But, this wasn't happening. I looked in the closet and all I found was some little coats, shirts, and a tissue in P's room. I looked under the bed to see only a pizza box with ants O.o, I gagged and left the room (I never wanna see that box again). I went to my room, nothing, just everything I only have. I looked EVERYWHERE, on the roof, in the living room, even the bathroom O.o.
I looked around....I see this note on the door; I walked up to it and tear it off. It had words, so I looked to see who it was for. It was for me! I read the letter and this is what it said:

Hello, I am sorry not telling you, but I have went to French.
The reason is that on the TV, I looked at a commercial that a restaurant was selling frog legs, and spaghetti. It looked so tasty, I decided to go, please tell Feary and Fearless I said I hope they liked my daily smells. And there is one more thing, the letter I hanged this on...Was on the door to the cannon room.

Signed by: P_Feary
P.S.: I got to French using your cannon, please look to see if it’s broke or not.

After reading that (INCLUDING the reason he WENT to French), I was confused, and mad. I opened the door to the cannon room to see the cannons, I saw this cannon with a letter on it, it seems he used this cannon. I read it and it said:

I used this cannon.

To Be Continued...