Forgot Password? Remember Me

Issue 72

Feb 3, 2007

Submit A Story!

Got an Urbaniac story, comic strip or anything else newsworthy or funny?

Send it our way!

Issues

Issue 209

Issue 208

Issue 207

Issue 206

Issue 205

Issue 204

Issue 203

Issue 202

Issue 201

Issue 200

Issue 199

Issue 198

Issue 197

Issue 196

Issue 195

Issue 194

Issue 193

Issue 192

Issue 191

Issue 190

Issue 189

Issue 188

Issue 187

Issue 186

Issue 185

Issue 184

Issue 183

Issue 182

Issue 181

Issue 180

Issue 179

Issue 178

Issue 177

Issue 176

Issue 175

Issue 174

Issue 173

Issue 172

Issue 171

Issue 170

Issue 169

Issue 168

Issue 167

Issue 166

Issue 165

Issue 164

Issue 163

Issue 162

Issue 161

Issue 160

Issue 159

Issue 158

Issue 157

Issue 156

Issue 155

Issue 154

Issue 153

Issue 152

Issue 151

Issue 150

Issue 149

Issue 148

Issue 147

Issue 146

Issue 145

Issue 144

Issue 143

Issue 142

Issue 141

Issue 140

Issue 139

Issue 138

Issue 137

Issue 136

Issue 135

Issue 134

Issue 133

Issue 132

Issue 131

Issue 130

Issue 129

Issue 128

Issue 127

Issue 126

Issue 125

Issue 124

Issue 123

Issue 122

Issue 121

Issue 120

Issue 119

Issue 118

Issue 117

Issue 116

Issue 115

Issue 114

Issue 113

Issue 112

Issue 111

Issue 110

Issue 109

Issue 108

Issue 107

Issue 106

Issue 105

Issue 104

Issue 103

Issue 102

Issue 101

Issue 100

Issue 99

Issue 98

Issue 97

Issue 96

Issue 95

Issue 94

Issue 93

Issue 92

Issue 91

Issue 90

Issue 89

Issue 88

Issue 87

Issue 86

Issue 85

Issue 84

Issue 83

Issue 82

Issue 81

Issue 80

Issue 79

Issue 78

Issue 77

Issue 76

Issue 75

Issue 74

Issue 73

Issue 72

Issue 71

Issue 70

Issue 69

Issue 68

Issue 67

Issue 66

Issue 65

Issue 64

Issue 63

Issue 62

Issue 61

Issue 60

Issue 59

Issue 58

Issue 57

Issue 56

Issue 55

Issue 54

Issue 53

Issue 52

Issue 51

Issue 50

Issue 49

Issue 48

Issue 47

Issue 46

Issue 45

Issue 44

Issue 43

Issue 42

Issue 41

Issue 40

Issue 39

Issue 38

Issue 37

Issue 36

Issue 35

Issue 34

Issue 33

Issue 32

Issue 31

Issue 30

Issue 29

Issue 28

Issue 27

Issue 26

Issue 25

Issue 24

Issue 23

Issue 22

Issue 21

Issue 20

Issue 19

Issue 18

Issue 17

Issue 16

Issue 15

Issue 14

Issue 13

Issue 12

Issue 11

Issue 10

Issue 9

Issue 8

Issue 7

Issue 6

Issue 5

Issue 4

Issue 3

Issue 2

Issue 1

>> Comics
Zoomer McTraveller

"I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you."
Stolen from Robin Williams - Actor/Comedian

"Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because
'Mad Cow Disease' was taken."
Stolen from Unknown - Presumed Dead

Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
Teenage Angst


This actually happened to me, and at the time, it was definately not funny. I have, however, matured to the point where I can laugh about it now(especially since it's no longer fresh in my memory)...

Don't you hate it when you just wake up? Or worse, when you're half asleep and interpret things you hear in real life into your dreams? My mom had a few friends over today. I could hear them laughing from downstairs, and I thought the evil clowns were back. Seriously. Scared me pretty good for a second there.

So I go upstairs to get a drink...They all start staring at me. Me, the sleepy, tousled, bleary eyed teen sitting in their midst, with a can of "all natural soda" (Tastes TERRIBLE by the way. Don't try it) and some
stawberry jello with UFOs hidden in it (unidentified food objects). I'm kinda like, "yeah, you can stop staring now," aaaaaaand...They laugh some more. Guess what happens next? They threw plums at me! Honestly, I was
not expected to be bombarded with fruit on my quest for liquid refreshment. But it's cool . I can look forward to doing that to some else's kids later in life : )

God bless infants, teens, and the middle aged.

>> Business
Shops pricey but fair (a business report)


Let us pretend just for a bit, shall we? You are new in town. A young hero, or whatever, wide eyed, a real go getter. So you meet folks, prop them to prop you, create your alter ego and your satisfied. But all new super individuals need gear. I mean..all supers do have it after all.

You go into the store and see the exorbitant prices of shields, body armour, and even super funky weaponry.
Discouraged you leave empty handed or with a beat box side kick.

This happens daily here in Urbanville. But this financial reporter is here to give some reasoning to the high pricing. Its simple. To get the cool stuff you gotta work for it. And some items are sooooo awesome they are rare, even ubber rare, thus raising prices.

This creates a fair system of heroes. I mean what would the point be if all heroes could afford golden pecs right off the bat. Or we all battled with urbo-sabres? It would nullify the bling effect these items give off.

So discount shoppers dont blame inflation. Blame funkiness, rarity, and jealousy.
>> Editorials
When I Became A Human


I became a human in 1956 . I used to have many alien friends until one day my dad got deployed to the planet you call EARTH. We had to disguise as earth people and no one found out until one day. The day was my first day of school. I was worried that someone would find out i was an alien. One friendly looking kid said, "Hey come play with us after school." I said ok where will I meet you at? The kid said,"Right here." Ok I said. Then they met there that after noon. They knew I was not from this planet so they kept walking around me and saw the zipper they said," What is this for?" Isaid unzip it they did the saw I was not from this planet they knew that i was an alien. They started screaming all the way home. This is how I became a human.
>> Top Stories
Chronicles Under New Management


One day while looking through the Chronicles, it hit me and hit me HARD...

Yup, it was a henchling that Moocho Macho Hombre wedgie tossed. It hit me in the head and knocked me out for a few hours, but when I came to, the drool that my unconscious state produced caused the Chronicles to stick to my face, then I realized...

Man it looks different!

Since I am Scoop_McFanny, I decided to look into this change and whaddaya know, I found out that the Chronicles is indeed under new management! The only problem is no one knows who manages it!

Never fear, Scoop_McFanny is here to tell you that I actually had a chance to interview this new person, why? Because, I'm da man. That's right, I Scoop_McFanny am da man...I'm D-A-M-A-N! I don't care what Ira says. Heh, his first name is Ira.

At first, I couldn't find the new person, but then I managed to finagle an interview time with a masked individual. I couldn't even tell if the person was a male or female because their voice was androgynous.

Here's my interview:

Scoop_McFanny: Thank you for meeting with me odd person with a mask on.

Masked Editor: I have things to do. Articles to edit. What do you want?

Scoop_McFanny: Whoa. Take a deep breath brother or sister...Whatever you are. I just have a few questions. Mind if I ask you a few?

Masked Editor: Shoot.

Scoop_McFanny: How did you get this job?

Masked Editor: I kept pestering Ira to let me help out with the Chronicles. He kept telling me no but one day he relented and here I am.

Scoop_McFanny: *chuckles* Ira, his name is Ira.

Masked Editor: If you are going to make fun of his name, can you do it on your time. The next Chronicles issue is due next Sunday. I have things I need to do and judging from your ability to interview, I suspect I will have to edit your article a lot.

Scoop_McFanny: Ouch. That was harsh. Anyways, what's so different about the Chronicles now that you're the Editor?

Masked Editor: The style first of all. Second, I'm calling on some of the old writers like Handsome and yes, even you, though I think I should have left you in the gutter where I found you.

Scoop_McFanny: Oh so you have jokes. Why are you wearing a mask?

Masked Editor: Why aren't you wearing a mask?

Scoop_McFanny: Do you think you're funny?

Masked Editor: I think you're funny looking.

Scoop_McFanny: Hey man! Woman! Thing! Do you want to take this outside?!

Masked Editor: Remember who signs your paycheck.

Scoop_McFanny: Right. Anyways, most folks would like to know your process of selecting articles for the Chronicles.

Masked Editor: Well, let me first say, if I don't have to edit your article much, chances are your article will be published much faster than others. For those who are lazy and don't choose to follow the rules of grammar, let's just say that their articles will be delayed.

Scoop_McFanny: How about those who don't speak English as a first language?

Masked Editor: You don't get to where I am without being able to tell who is fluent in English and who isn't based on their articles. For those folks, I would gladly edit their articles and put them in the Chronicles as soon as possible.

Scoop_McFanny: What types of articles are you looking for?

Masked Editor: *sighs heavily* Poems, reports on organizations, interviews, quotes, announcements, articles that makes folks laugh or cry (or both), advice columns (Handsome and Fruitcake have excellent ones), anything that shows off the talent of Urbanville's citizens.

Scoop_McFanny: Am I boring you?

Masked Editor: Were my signals not clear enough?

Scoop_McFanny: *sardonically* Well thank you for letting me interview you. So when should I expect to see this article published?

Masked Editor: When I feel like publishing it.

Scoop_McFanny: You don't have many friends, do you?

Masked Editor: I have one more than you do. This leaves me at 1 and you at zero. We could do this all day, but...

*stands up and walks away*

That was the end of the interview. For an ornery guy/girl/thing, I must say that the Chronicles are looking fresh! Heh, 80s slang. Mad props to the prior editor of the Chronicles and one prop to the current Editor.

This is Scoop_McFanny saying:

If it's news and it's hot you can expect me to beat the others to the punch!


Editor's Note: Maybe I would be nicer if I didn't have an idiot interviewing me.