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Issue 5

Jul 23, 2005

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>> Top Stories
URBANIAC WITH FREEZING ABILITY MOONLIGHTS AS SNOW CONE MAKER
In a trend that is becoming more and more common, one Urbaniac who wishes to remain anonymous has begun using his special powers to add a little non-crime fighting income on the side. "It’s hard to make ends meet these days, especially if you have a family." She cited recent rising costs in day care as her decision to open a snow cone stand outside of the local museum. “It wasn’t too long ago I said, hey look, I got to find a way to put these kids through college, because the last thing I want is for them to have to go into the family business. Yeah, fighting crime is all right, but the hours are crazy, no benefits, not to mention the spandex. Do you know what getting blasted through buildings does to a lady’s complexion?”
WINDSTORM CRASHES PANCAKE BREAKFAST, TIKI BLOWS STACK
The annual Urbaniac Breakfast Bash had the wind taken out of it's sails this morning by the latest blowhard to hit Urbanville. It was a heroic stack of 17 pancakes that was mysteriously blown into a sandbox by a powerful gust from an evidently new supervillain who calls himself Windstorm. "No one wants sandcakes!" Exclaimed Freaky Sneaky Tiki who fired up the stovetop for the breakfast.
JenQ's Dish
Spinning off of the hottest romance rumors from last week, the dish seems to be spreading faster than a wild fire in a gunpowder factory. Striking Viking Vixen and Afro-Liscious Funk Daddy have been spotted 3 times over the last week at several Urbanville hotspots. One Urbaniac who wishes to remain nameless claims he hear them order a pizza to go, NO ONIONS!!! Still no word from Mighty Cowboy Guy on the status of his relationship with Striking Viking Vixen.
That's the dish… JenQ very much.
>> Editorials
Rumor Bucket
Secret Identity Revealed - Word on the street has it that the Mean Wrinkled Granny is none other than Stewart Marthawitzs gourmet homemaker by day and housewife hero by night. She was caught on home video changing into her costume while folding a fitted sheet.