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Issue 32

Apr 23, 2006

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Issue 1

>> Top Stories
DaMan's Special Offer... Better Beware!
Feel the need to look good and help boost your stats while you're at it? Well I'm Mayor DaMan and I have got a deal for you. Synjen, Jenq, and I have a limited time, special offer for you to earn yourself your very own B. Wereboy. All you have to do is go to 99dogs.com or Cafepress.com and buy yourself an Urbaniacs t-shirt. E-mail the purchase confirmation to [email protected], and the B Wereboy is all yours. That's how I got mine!

Urb ON!
DaMan
>> Editorials
HUSTLE on OUT!
Like many Urbanaics, I was surprised to hear of Surfer_chick's shock crossing to the dark side. It seems more often than not, the dark side is trying to trick good heroes into joining "the Family"

I snuck into one of GoatFist's family meetings and I was astonished to see that they blackmail and manipulate Urbaniacs to join with them. If you Urbaniacs want to join an alliance that's really funky, then I suggest you join the Hustle Alliance which is by heroes for heroes. Do you want to save Urbanville and have fun doing it? If you want to join the Hustle Alliance then goto the Heroes section of the forum and sign up on the official sign up list. You get props, homeys, and much more!! SO STOP GOATFIST AND SAVE URBANVILLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Family First
Fair citizens of Urbanville, I come to you to spread the word. I come to shine the light of truth, even to those who wish not to see it. I speak of the truth of GoatFist, and his chosen followers, the Family. I have taken it upon myself to clarify the misunderstandings that have occurred. We have been called many things - criminals, cheats, evil. But what is Evil? Is not what some people would call evil, simply a different world view? Is it not just a differing opinion? Would you be so judgmental as to condemn a person based on a skewed perspective?

I offer the following clarifications as proof of our Truth. We do not steal money - we redistribute wealth on a more equitable basis. Who are these wealthy people to horde all the Urbos? We do not run protection rackets, we offer security services to small business owners who could not afford high price "Hustlers". And that old woman accosted while crossing the street - do you know her? She was not an innocent, you have no idea the full story there, my friends!

Goatfist and his viceroy Maggot will lead us to a brighter tomorrow, a, Urbaniacs Utopia you can scarcely imagine. Read our By-Laws, absorb our truth, learn at the feet of Maggot and his inner circle.

In conclusion, it is a simple fact that the everyday unwashed masses do not know what is best for them. Clueless citizens need a firm hand to show them the way. They need to be led to their destinies. They need The Family to nurture them and tell them what to do. Are you an unwashed mass, or are you Family? Do you wish to follow or Lead? We know what is best for you. Join the Family. Join for your own good.