My Fellow Urbaniacs,
As battles are now upon us, it is expected that the number of CFI's (Crime Fighting Injuries) will rise faster than you can say "can I get a prescription, and make it a double!" With that in mind, Dr. Acula, the head Doctor over at Urbanville Hospital has issued a list of top 5 ways to reduce CFI's:
1) Train, there is no better way to not get your butt kicked, than by kicking butt yourself.
2) Invest in a sidekick, not only are they flashy, but when you're in a pinch, the can conjure up super robot powers.
3) Stock up on food, when things are looking rough, a slice of pizza may be all you need.
4) Defend yourself, there is no better offensive, than a good defense (and good deodorant).
5) When all else fails, RUN AWAY! FLEE! Though you will be the laughing stock of the arena, you'll probably still have all your teeth and limbs attached.
As you all know... the battles are coming! For some of you, they are already here. The closer the beta testers are the more there is to prepare on the sidelines! Clans are forming!! So, people... listen up! If you are in the way, you are gonna be taken down! The Family is feuding with THE GAURDIANS and soon the battles will settle it all! So, when the battle opens for everyone... war will be unleashed!
Foul Smelling Cuisine Dooms Restaurant
Urbanville social lights came out in full force for the much anticipated Grand Opening of “Moocho Macho’s.” Planted in the heart of urbanville Town Square. Moocho Macho Hombre the owner of the franchises signature restaurant “Hombre's” was there for the Unveiling of his signature breakfast burrito the “Moocho Biggy Beefo” Mayor_DaMan and famous food critic E. Coli were the first to bite into the tasty treat. All eyes were on E. when he spit it back on the gold rim china. “What's the Meaning of this?” Coli muttered in disgust! Come to find out someone had rolled fish guts up in the flour Tortillas. Who would do such a foul disgusting thing? Moocho Macho Hombre was not available for comment.
Mayor_DaMan stated off the record “I thought odd looking waiter was part of the grand opening? He was wearing a sombrero, serape, sandals, a bullet belt, and a handkerchief around its neck. he was even brandishing two cork guns. I mean come on he was dressed to kill!
Is this the work of the notorious “Burrito Bantito?” A word to the wise for this roving reporter “Look before you bite!”