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Issue 20

Nov 26, 2005

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Issue 1

>> Top Stories
Mysterious Anaemia Sweeps Urbanville
Carveus here, reporting on the mysterious affliction
affecting citizens of Urbanville. Whether hero or
villain, vigilante or nomad, even the beatniks are
affected.

Symptoms are all similar, indicating a definite link
between cases. Look out for to small marks, usually
on the neck, paleness, aversion to light, extreme
thirst, and zoophagamy (the urge to eat insects).

Whilst the cause of this is still unknown, some of the
sufferers report nightmares, in which their rooms were
filled with mist, and a white face came in towards
their neck.

Of course, these are just nightmares, and nothing to
be remarked upon.

…What do you mean there’s something on my lips?

Oh, that’s just tomato soup; I had it for lunch today.
Erm, yes. Further investigations shall be conducted.
Although I doubt they’ll find anything though…
Eagles, Java, and Family
News has been rising for nearly a month about the surreptitious rise of a new Super-Hero, DaBlueEagle. A relatively unknown Urbaniac, DaBlueEagle can already be found of the Wall of Heroes for his marked rise in Might and Mojo. When his friends were interviewed they were reported to say, "He's a real Blast-Off Kicky Dude!"

Rumors of a covert partnership with the Vigilante CoffeeCup are as of yet unconfirmed, and when CoffeeCup was confronted with this question, he promptly used his Evil Eye to mesmerize this reporter and make his escape, crashing over this reporter and his equipment, I might add.

Also, a collection of 500 urbos was missing from this reporter's pocket after that encounter. Any information leading to its recovery would be appreciated.

And yet, what is most likely the greatest buzz around this new Hero is his possible kinship to The_Legal_Eagle! With the word "Eagle" as the final part of both their names, one can only assume that Eagle is a surname shared by these two possible relatives! After setting up a brief appointment with The_Legal_Eagle via his downtown Urbanville offices of Legal and Eagle, he had this to say;

"I am not legally obligated to divulge any information regarding connections that may or may not exist between myself and DaBlueEagle. That sort of information could too easily be exploited by those would enjoy seeing harm done to people like myself... No, not villains, the other lawyers of Urbanville, the slime. *ahem*, and who do I bill for this appointment?"

Who knows, with this new star Urbaniac on the rise, the tyranny of Villains and their henchmen may finally be overthrown. With the recent unveiling of the Maggot-led Family, this Hero may be just what Urbanville needs. A Hero to take on the forces of injustice and "Pound Bad guys 'till they're Squishy!"

Coming to you from your local Shell Station,
-DaBlueEagle (in his secret identity as Reporto! The News Sniffer Extraordinaire!)
Urbaniac... Earns Big Bucks!
Giant Evil chicken attacks!!! Cluckily, Flame_reaper saved the day! At approximately 2:27 today a giant chicken walked into Urbanville and started to destroy several buildings with his massive beak! Seconds later Flame_reaper flew in and challenged the chicken to an all out brawl. It was a fierce battle, but ultimately,the chicken was knocked out! Later, at a big Urbanville BBQ, scientists claimed they are now studying what they believe to be the chicken's eggs. Flame_reaper says that if any eggs hatch he will fly them out of town and release them into the wild. It's amazing what some Urbaniacs will do to earn a "buck!"
Henchlings Attack... Ninja Style
All Urbaniacs gathered today at town hall to discuss what todo about the Henchlings who have destroyed many homes. Suddenly, a Henchling jumped into town hall and quickly picked a fight with Super Speedy Dude. The Henchling was no match for him. He kicked it into Warp Drive and it was Game Over. Then dozens of Henchlings jumped in with weapons such as spears, swords, shields and maces.

The Urbaniacs were ready for the challenge. They went toe to hoof for hours! 15 Henchlings jumped Mighty Cowboy Guy, but he used his Trigger Thumbs to destroy them with Neo-energy.
Blast-Off Rocket Captain used his uncanny power to destroy 10 Henchlings with one mighty blast! And Afro-Liscious Funk Daddy beat down 29 Henchlings, He forced them to do some funky moves, then he punched them to pieces.

Looks like GoatFist is clearly preparing for some type of Throw Down BATTLE!