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Issue 199

Aug 29, 2012

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Issue 1

>> Editorials
GoatFist Foiled For Now

As anyone who hasn't been living under a rock knows, GoatFist kidnapped the Villain's champion, Osmeliio, and our administrator, Love_Child, on August 21st.  What ensued was chaos, until citizens like Bull99, Ronaldo_66, Sandggg and Zoomer_McTraveller started organizing an alliance to fight GoatFist's henchlings and rescue the victims.


As a powerful Henchling_Kelvin led Henchling_Sparky, Henchling_Sludge, and loyal villains against Sam_Loyal, Righteous_Rachel and the allied dispositions in the streets, other Urbs were gathering information on the whereabouts of the victims.


Dragus_Loader, Armand_Hammer and element110 confirmed the following facts:


Henchling_Char took Love_Child to the Old Shack at 4pm.
Henchling_Kelvin took Osmeliio into the Sewer at 4:30pm.
Henchling_Sparky took a male decoy to the Goat Cave at 5pm.
Henchling_Sludge took a female decoy into the Catacombs at 5:30pm. 


There was infighting in the Villain camp which was now renamed "GoatFist's Domain". That was much better than the renaming of the other dispositions areas.  The Heroes became "Zeroes Only", Vigilantes were labled "Virgil's Aunties", the Nomads were known as "No Brains" and the Beatniks became "Deadbeats".


As if that weren't enough, no new gear was released that week, the Gallery wasn't updated... well it still isn't updated, but when I asked Love_Child about it, her eyes glowed red and steam started coming out of her ears and I thought it best to leave... after she threw that chair at me.  Also, bank interest was late and there was a crime wave that kept Love_Child busy for days after her rescue.


Once the locations of the victims were confirmed, Mayor_Daman went to rescue them straightaway.  He was joined by Sam_Loyal and Righteous_Rachel in a throw down against Henchling_Kelvin, Henchling_Sparky and Henchling_Sludge. Naturally good prevailed over evil and order was restored.


However, there have been rumors that the whole kidnapping stunt was set into motion by Osmeliio himself.  Apparently he wanted GoatFist to do something big and spectacular before accepting him as lord of the villains.


Thankfully, Urbanville has returned to normal... or what passes as normal around here, anyway. The henchling are more active than they've ever been, though, so citizens please keep an eye on their activity and report any wrongdoing!

The secrets of urbanville

Well I decided to talk about several of the secrets of Urbaniacs, periodically of course. Now for the first I will talk about one of the bigger secrets of Urb my Host Club's Labyrinth nests. Most people don't know of the entrances and tunnels ends. When I say few know of it, meaning I know of every single one of them. In fact I can slip into any place with just a little bit of motion and misdirection.

But for people that want me to transport them secretly now that does not come cheap. Yet that is a story for another day. Except for the fact I blindfold those when I transport them to the intended location. Solely so I can keep them secret. Hey it's my own personal travel system and trafficking system. So why did I reveal it now? So I don't have to reveal about some of the other ones right away.

Battle Of The Week-ManDude Vs Magic (Part 1)

(Once a week I'll battle someone and base a Chronicle entry off of the winner so look forward to that!)

ManDude was strolling down the street, whistling, doing his thing when suddenly the building next to him burst into flames. Weird, right? Everything's fine then BOOM fire! Just like that. Everyone on the streets were running frantic and screaming.

MD, having control over fire and all, lifted his hand and began to absorb the flames. They traveled from the building into him like a scarlet river. Once everything was done he jumped up into a open window to see if anyone needed help. Something had him thinking though. No one screamed. An apartment building this size, suddenly bursting into flames, and no one inside screamed. No knocks on windows, no one running out the door, no nothing. As if no one was inside.

"Hello?" He called. "Is anyone here? Are you injured?"

He heard a chuckle from the hallway.

"...Hello?" He called again.

The door to the room he was in was thrown off its hinges. MD was rammed through the wall and out into the streets by a blur of black.

"Hey! Whats the big idea?!" He said as he rubbed his head. He got up from his crater in the street and looked up.

There in the sky, floating, was a relatively tall man wearing black pants, a black leather jacket, and glowing red eyes. As ManDude looked into them he could practically feel the rage burning inside them.

"Howdy" The man said. "My name is Magic. Want to know something?"

"Sure" MD answered.

Magic smiled wickedly. "This is the day you die!"

He fell from the sky like a lead weight aiming for where MD was standing. ManDude jumped out of the way.

"Um. Why?"

Magic crashed into the ground, sending a dust cloud into the air and rocks flying into windows all around.

"Because I hate goody two-shoe zeroes like you!" He jumped out of the hole and glared at ManDude, maintaining his smile.

"Thems' fightin words. I'd advise you to turn yourself in for the damage you've caused before I drag you down to the station by your scrawny neck myself."

"Try me, fool!"

He rocketed forward and threw a punch at ManDude. ManDude ducked, put his hands on the ground and flipped up to kick Magic in the chin. Falling back, Magic grabbed MD's foot, spun around and threw him into the wall of the building that was a raging inferno not minutes ago. ManDude picked up a chunk of wall and threw it at Magic. The devil merely stood there and let it crash into him. The piece shattered on impact and fell to the street around him.

"You'll have to try harder than that to get me, zero."

"Oh believe me, I will. This is only the start!" MD's hands ignited a fireball in each palm.

Magic chuckled. "This will be over soon."

ManDude threw one fireball. Magic put his arm in front of his face to block it. When he looked again, ManDude was gone. He heard the sound of boots landing behind him.

"Agreed!" ManDude yelled as he shot a cannon of fire right at Magic's back.

He threw his head back, smashing it into MD's face. The fire stream stopped as ManDude stepped back and gripped his nose. Magic back flipped behind him, grabbed his neck and crushed him into the ground. He picked him up and smashed him back down repeatedly, shaking the buildings around harder and harder with every blow.

ManDude put his hands down to stop the onslaught before he was smashed again and lit his back aflame. Magic jumped back, but not before his precious jacket was singed in the corner. MD got up and wiped his bleeding nose. Both chuckled. They charged at each other and matched punch for punch, kick for kick.

"You've got spunk, kid!" Magic said.

"I pride myself in tenacity, punk!" ManDude replied.

They continued on. ManDude ducked one punch and jumped up, ramming Magic with his skull. Magic flew into sky. ManDude released jets of fire from his feet, propelling him up as well.

"IDIOT! You should know better not to take a fight to the skies when you cant fly!" Magic bellowed as he flew, grabbed MD by his shoulder armor and threw him through a accounting building and into another. He went forward and was greeted with office chairs, desks, and even a few cubicles. ManDude jumped out of the building and punched Magic back to the ground.

"Thanks for the tip!"

Magic landed on a car and swatted ManDude like a fly with it.

*camera fades out*

Battle Of The Week-ManDude Vs Magic (Part 2)

The two warriors continued at it. Magic kept trying to hit the jumping bean with the automotive until he was out of steel and seats. ManDude lifted his hand and behind him, a glowing red circle with strange symbols appeared. From it burst hundreds upon thousands of fireballs all aiming for Magic. He dodged and flew around aimlessly trying to escape the fiery missiles.

"Is that the best you got?!"

Magic made a sharp turn and instead of flying around the fireballs, flew right into them. Right towards them. Right to ManDude. He was caught off guard as Magic crashed into him. Reeling back, he spun and kicked Magic away. He ran forward and leaped into the air. He fell, fist in front, and pounded Magic into the ground with so much force that the street ripped itself up and smashed back down like a wave, sending cars and light posts flying everywhere.

He sat down on top of Magic and punched him again and again. After the tenth or eleventh, Magic grabbed MD's wrist. He squeezed it and twisted it around. ManDude screamed in pain and fell over. Magic got up and lifted him into the air. ManDude's groans only made Magic squeeze harder. Magic dropped MD and kneed him in the gut. ManDude threw his head up only to be elbowed back into Magic's knee. Magic grabbed ManDude's hair to bring his face into view.

"Does it hurt?" He asked.

ManDude gathered some saliva and spat in Magic's face.

"Heh heh. I'll take that as a yes." He yanked his hand up, pulling on ManDude's golden hair. "Dont worry. It'll all be over soon."

ManDude opened his eyes slowly. "Hey Magic..." he coughed.

"What is it, zero?"

"Does THIS hurt?"

MD clenched his fists. A small fire started beneath him. The flames, still small, lashed out all around. Magic looked down.

"That? THATS your best--"

Suddenly the fire exploded in size, engulfing them both. It raged out of control and then literally exploded. ManDude was thrown into the wall of the building they started at. Weakened from the fire before and the explosion, it crumbled on top of him. Magic was thrown the other direction down the street. He bounced off the ground and rolled until he stopped. His jacket was in ashes and his face was blackened. He wiped it off and pushed himself back up to his feet. He was wobbly at first but regained his balance soon enough.

He looked at the rubble of the building. "The loser did himself in. Fitting end I'd say." Magic chuckled softly then burst into laughter as he turned and walked away.


He stopped.


Magic turned around slowly, eyes wide. The huge sections of wall and bricks tumbled down. From them emerged the pyromancer who balanced himself on a rock. He looked like he had been through heck and back, literally.

"Leaving so soon?" ManDude smiled.

Magic stepped back. "You...you..."

"Me. I get it." ManDude slowly stepped down off the pile of rubble. He stood tall.

The veins on Magic's forehead were visibly pumping blood to his heated brain. His eyes were burning with intense rage and hate now. "WHY WONT YOU STAY DOWN?!"

He charged to ManDude. ManDude spread his feet and raised his fist. They both threw their arms forward and their fists met with unreal force, creating a shock wave that cracked the ground below them. ManDude ducked a punch, kicked Magic's leg out, and spun like a spinning top, kicking Magic again and again and into the sky. MD created a cloud of fire under himself and flew up, ramming Magic into the top of a sky scraper.

Magic picked up one of the iron bars from the fence surrounding the top and whacked ManDude with it. He hit him again and again. ManDude could feel his strength leaving him with each blow. He held his hand up to grab the bar, ripped it out of Magic's hand and shot forward for a punch, but Magic countered, aimed MD's fist down, and kneed him back up. Magic punched ManDude to the floor.

"Give up yet?" Magic chuckled.

ManDude groaned and tried to lift his arms. They felt like lead. He slowly raised himself only to be kicked back down.

"You filthy zeroes never learn, do you?"

Magic bent down and picker ManDude up. He dangled him over the ledge of the building.

"Any last words?"

ManDude opened his mouth slowly and whispered. "I just farted..."

Magic squeezed his neck one last time before letting go. ManDude fell. Faster and faster down the side of the building. Too exhausted to try to ride another fire cloud, he held his hand out hoping it would latch onto a flag pole like in the movies. It didnt though. He just kept falling like a penny. A really heavy penny and not made of copper, and alive so not really a penny at all. The hero crashed into the ground with a mighty thud. His battered body laid there.

Back on top of the building. Magic laughed maniacally. "One down, a whole bunch more to go! Oh, this'll be fun!" He turned and flew off laughing.

Up in the sky, there was a small light. It glowed dimly. It formed into human shape, then grew hair, then got color. It was ManDude! Well, kinda. He had a halo.

He looked down to the ground at his body in a 15 foot crater. His eyes widened. He clenched his fists and stomped his foot. "Aw man! Not again! Great, how am I going to get down this time?"

(Thats all folks! So how was it? Well it was only the first so I'm sure they'll get better! ...Or worse. Lets toss a coin)

Interview With A Yo DoDo

ManDude: So BirdBrain, how's it feels being one of the rarest sidekicks in Urbaniacs?
BirdBrain: *poker face*
ManDude: ...BirdBrain?
BirdBrain: *poker face*
ManDude: Um...OK. So *reads through question list* What does a exquisite find like yourself do? Likes, dislikes?
BirdBrain: *poker face*
ManDude: ...
BirdBrain: *poker face*
ManDude: ANSWER THE QUESTION!
BirdBrain: *opens mouth*
ManDude: *gasp*
BirdBrain: ... *turns head around to preen feathers*
ManDude: Is there even 1 neuron up in that tiny head of yours?
BirdBrain: *poker face*
ManDude: ...Hello?
BirdBrain: *poker face*
ManDude: ...
BirdBrain: *poker face*
ManDude: ...
BirdBrain: *poker face*
ManDude: *poker face*

Magic And ManDude's Training Pass Shop Of Lif3!

*customer walks in*
Customer: Hey guys! So what kind of Training Passes you got today?
ManDude: Well take a look around. We have all different kinds and all different boosts from +5 to +50! What's your fancy?
Customer: Well I kind of wanted a--
Magic: *runs out of back room* You DEFINITLEY need this! It's a one of a kind, +1000 Might Training Pass! *flails a piece of paper with a poorly drawn arm and a 1000 next to it* Only 500mil!
Customer: Wow! I'll take it!
ManDude: No Magic. We have to go by the rules.
Magic: *whispers* The dude is rich. Lets just save our MASSIVE SUPPLY OF GREAT TRAINING PASSES for other people!
ManDude: I say thee nay! We shall not scam this person, villain!
Magic: Ugh! You and your heroics! You want to go?!
ManDude: *raises fists to sky* FOR JUSTICE!
Lif3: *walks through door with a bag spilling of Training Passes* Guys calm down. There's always more where those came from! *turns to customer* So, what you looking for? Here at Magic And ManDude's Training Pass Shop Of Lif3, we always want our customer to be happy when they leave!

*fade out to black*

Magic And ManDude's Training Pass Shop Of Lif3 is not responsible if your Training Pass turns out to be a giant monster and eats your family. Other results include epic voice, literally explosive diarrhea, enhanced stats, loss of humanity, and getting all the chicks/dudes. Buy at your own discretion.

The Beginning Of The End PART III

Previously, on The Beginning Of The End sequel, this has happened.

*That panel I touched put me into the past! It put me back in the year 1780! Oh yes! I finally get to witness this with my own eyes! How can I keep track of what is going on? *GASP* My bag! I left it next to that wall. That has my equipment!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*I need to get my bag! That has my equipment. How else will I be able to store and take pictures of all of this? I need to make a run for it back to the park before some fool takes it!*

I dashed out the door, fast as lightning. Almost as fast as Super Speedy Dude.
When I got out the door, I saw nobody. The streets were quiet. A tumbleweed went by. Not a single living creature was in sight. What has happened now? I went back inside to check if Speedy's shop had changed but his shop remained the same. The only problem was.. THOSE TWO MEN DISAPPEARED. What now? I went back outside and still, not a single soul in sight?! I jogged to the park. Cautiously. Looking to see if I could see anybody. Eventually, with all that slow jogging, I finally made it to the park. At least I thought it was the park... It was just dirt. There was a gate left open with a sign reading "The Family". Who the heck were "The Family"?


I decided to climb over the gate as it was covered in blood. Well some sort of red stuff anyway... I walked over to where I had left my bag which was where I touched that cursed panel. There it was. Laying there, untouched. For some reason that panel was not there anymore nor was the writing. Anyway, I didn't care. My only objective right now was to get my bag and I had found it. I walked over to the bag. It looked sort of.. dusty? Not sure how that happened but nonetheless. I picked it up with ease, and unzipped the bag.


Inside was:
My camera
My Stanley blade
My rope
My gloves
My notebook
My lapt-
Wait a sec.. Where the heck did my laptop go? I paid good money for that!
I scanned the area and no piece of evidence as to where my laptop went was found. Well, who cares anyway. I'll just buy a new one. I put the camera over my neck, sheathed the Stanley blade and shoved my notebook inside my jacket pocket.

Me: Right so where the heck do I start? I can't take a picture of this scene? They will just think I got it off Google images or something! I need to find something that will gobsmack them. Let's take a picture of that gate shall we? I doubt that will be on Google.

I walked over to the front of the gate, knelt down and SNAP SNAP SNAP. I took a few shots of the gate. I checked my gallery to see if it saved and it did. I stood up, looked behind me and saw a glowing thing again. What the heck is gonna happen now? Must I follow it? Might as well.

I walked over to where that glowing light was and at first nothing happened nor did I see anything interesting. I turned around because I thought something was following me. As I turned around, I saw two men, face to face with each other. It looked like those two men I saw at Speedy's? At first, I thought they were statues. Until I witnessed them both unsheathing their swords and clashing with each other! It seemed as though they were fighting. But why? A question unsolved. And why am I seeing that glowing light everywhere? Maybe it wants me to follow it? No clue. I looked at the two men fighting and SLASH! One guys head got sliced off.. That gotta hurt! As the winner of the battle sheathed his sword, he turned and looked at me and BANG! I heard the sound of a bullet being shot out of a 12 Gauge shotgun...

Fire Flame

As I walk down the street looking for something to burn, I see a Hero trying to save a kitten from a burning building...

IT'S ON!

Altergut: BRING IT YOU DISGUSTING CREEP!

Hero: The Do-Gooders will prevail

Altergut: Oh really WATCH YOU GON' DO?!?!

Hero: This!

*Hero runs away in panic*

Hahaha! That oughta teach you not to mess with the FLAME! Nobody can put us out!

*Flame roars*

That's right you go ahead and enjoy that building, but spit that cat out!

*Fire whines then pukes naked charred cat*

Ugh that's nasty

*Walks away*


VILLAINS WILL PREVAIL!!!!!!!!! DONT TRY TO STAND UP TO THE FLAME

Training Pass-A-Palooza!

Training Passes were always on the market and always popular but now they seem at the top of everyone's most wanted list after UrboGum! Recently a store known as "Magic And ManDude's Training Pass Shop Of Lif3" popped up and sold at least 100 of the little buggers in about 5 hours. After that, more stores came into sight owned by other urbs either teaming up or trying to make a quick urbo. This might be tied to a recent urb event where our loved Admin and enemy, villain leader, were kidnapped by Goaty. Yes that's right, the old fart is showing his face again and to our eye's dismay, he looks like hes staying for a while.


I digress.



Back to the point, because of the whole kidnapping, almost every dispo teamed up against the villains to help save them. People were constantly either bragging or complaining about stats and that's when people started noticing the rise in demand for high quality Training Passes. Even after the event, people race for stats. Is this a good thing, showing years of hard work getting to those stats and then finding out you can do so much better so quickly, or is it a bad thing, alienating the newbies joining?


Some urbs may also feel they worked for their stats while everyone else simply buys a slip of paper and gets stronger instantaneously. Whats your opinion? Tell us now by mailing to B.O. Box 123456 or call us at 5-555-555-5555!

Recent Story About Urb

What is happening on urb you say ? Well.. Allow me to explain will you!

Recently, Urbanville just faced the most tragic thing ever. Our one and only admin, Love_Child was kidnapped and the true leader of the Villains, Osmeliio was also kidnapped by master GoatFist. All hell broke loose! GoatFist took over the Family Mansion, GoatFist rained hell by sending his henchlings to take out all the heroes and the other dispositions. If I remember correctly, Mr. Sandggg or Mr.Bull99 created an alliance. The idea of the " alliance" was to round up as many people as possible and take out GoatFist and his henchlings.


This plan, was successful after a lot of hard work and trouble. GoatFist gave back Love_Child and Osmeliio has also been returned. Unfortunately, GoatFist is now a higher rank than Osmeliio so The Villains must now obey GoatFist. At the moment, there is peace upon Urbanville... Or is there ;) Will GoatFist strike again and strike harder? Or will the heroes finish the Villains for good!


Stay tuned into my Chronicles, and you shall find out what is happening around Urbanville!

Crews

So I have been looking at the forums and reading the "old" threads from the crews page. I found that when urb was active and running real good there was a lot of crews and that created a lot of activities thus every urb was enjoying and getting involved in different crews. I remember when there was a lot of fights between crews to be the best and rule urbanvile and the members were of all dispos and they always came on to check things but when I see in the last year or two there has been very few crews which have stuck around for long and I mean "proper" crews.


My point is this > I am sure every one wants to be part of a crew which is always active and fighting doing missions etc etc..... so why are there no "proper" crews out there?
Someone with experience of urb needs to start one and don't say you have the "Face Crew" because that is old and it is not even run like a crew. So someone start a crew and I hope there will be 3-5 major crews trying to be the best of the best crews of urbaniacs.


What do you say......... start one right? And please if someone does manage to get one going don't make it like a disposition crew because that will not last for long as there are not many beatniks/nomads out there and I know from experience that a mixed crew is always a good crew.