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Issue 196

Aug 1, 2012

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Issue 1

>> Editorials
ACTION

That's right! The Chronicles are well on its way to being the best news source of Urbanville. I, Scoop, will be depending on you to come up with creative articles every week. I would reward those who do their share. With the new system, ACTION, I'm hoping for a lot of participation from many citizens. Here are some tips for writing a good article:

*Check your spelling, if you're not sure, go on google and find out how to spell a word.
*The story must have a beginning, middle and end. In other words, it has to make sense.
*Write about something interesting. No one likes a boring story.

If you have any trouble writing a story, shoot me a gram and I will get you started.

Good luck and make me proud!

Congressional Ban on Heroic action in Urbanville.

To put this simply, you're taking the Police out of a job, your high activity rates and Girl Guide demeanor, has brought me to this point.

My position in the Senate has allowed me to take control of this scourge known as the N.H.A. And as such, I will be introducing a Secret Police Force, under my direct control with the task of eradicating all members of, and affiliates of the N.H.A.

You are all Imbeciles if you believe that I will allow you to plague my streets. My Grandmother doesn't even want to cross the road. And as for that cat stuck in that tree, he wants to be there, that's why he climbed up there...NUMBSKULL.

All civilian Police are immediately fired, and are hereby replaced by Henchlings, with Henchling Kelvin officially appointed as commissioner of Police. Members of the Urbanville fire department are also here by redundant and replaced with Chars.

The Mayor is losing control of Urbanville.

Join the Family or Fall!

Now Diss off, I'm a politician, I need room to myself.

Hamo VS Kelvin

So there I was, standing in the ring. with a Kelvin. People had placed bets on us. Some people bet on me but I'm guessing most folk bet on Kelvin considering he is a GIANT compared to me. I could hear the crowd cheering. One half of the crowd cheering for me. The other for Kelvin.


The rules of this game is that there are NO rules. Anything goes. A fight to the death basically. Kelvin didn't need any gear. He's made of hard cold ice. I had my saber verde and my skull shield. I didn't need anything else.


I stared him in the eye, watching him stare back at me. It felt as if he was using the Evil eye on me. As soon as the bell went, I charged forward, I leaped in the air and shot with my saber. The green laser went right through Kelvin's heart, but Kelvin didn't have a heart so he took no damage. I stood in defensive position. Guard up. Chin down. Arms locked tight. I waited for Kelvin to make his move.


Kelvin didn't run or anyhing. He stood there. But. He used his Icey You super power and this big flood of ice cold sub zero freezing water came towards me. I dashed to the left. Dodged it. Dashed to the right. Dodged it again. Then at one point he caught me off guard and CRACK. He ran up to me and uppercutted me right on my chin. I went flying. Right into the corner. I was cornered for sure now.


I quickly became conscience and immedietly ran up to Kelvin and whacked him right in the face with my shield. That made him dizzy so then I thought this was my chance. I slashed and sliced and cut through Kelvin with the saber verde. I figured the only way to defeat him was to slice em up real quick. So I began slicing him up. First the legs, his arms, the neck, and finally, FUNK FU ON YOU right to the middle of his body. He fell to the floor. Instantly the whole floor became sub zero temperture but I wasn't bothered since I was angry. Kelvin sooon vaporized. Leaving just a puddle of harmless water.

So that's it. I was the new Urbanville champ. Easier than I thought. I am a true champ.






Random story I improvised :)

Interview With A Troll

ManDude: So Mr. Troll, whats the internet like for you?
Troll: *scratches self* huh? im not dat kin uf trol i hid undr briges
ManDude: *mumbles* You sure type like one...
Troll: wat?
ManDude: NOTHING! Nothing. Um....I kind of had this interview planned for a internet troll...

--Suddenly in a blinding flash of light, the troll disappears and in his place, floats the one and only, Troll Face--

ManDude: Oh my fudge. It's you...
Troll Face: Yo homey!
ManDude: *bows* My master. I wasn't expecting you.
Troll Face: You may rise my subject!
ManDude: So, what are you doing here?
Troll Face: You looked in distress, so I decided to help you.
ManDude: Really? :D
Troll Face: NOPE! I'm just here to eat all your food and laugh at your way of life!
ManDude: But...
Troll Face: *floats over to camera man and whispers something in his ear*
Camera Man: *bursts into tears* Why would you say thaaaaaaaaat?! *runs away*
Troll Face: He sad bro! HA!
ManDude: Aw man he was new here...
Troll Face: *floats over to the snack table and annoys everyone into rage fits until they storm off*
ManDude: My temps!
Troll Face: *looks at ManDude then at snack table* *floats closer*
ManDude: No...not the snacks!
Troll Face: *knocks all the snack over*
ManDude: NOOOOOOO
Troll Face: u ragin bro?
ManDude: *tear* No
Troll Face: Well come clean this up then until you do.
ManDude: With what? You trolled all the janitors away with my cleaning supplies!
Troll Face: With that ugly mop of a head you have! Trolololo
ManDude: *gets up* You did not just say that.
Troll Face: I did XD
ManDude: *desk flip* You're going to wish you hadn't done that!
Troll Face: u mad bro?

--fades to black--

Troll Face: HA HA HA! Hey...bro? Bro? What are you doing? No...get away from me! AH! AHHH! SOMEONE! SOMEBODY HELP ME! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP

--sound fades out--

Economy

There is several contest coming out by Ronaldo_66 they are located in the lounge forums called ROTW 3. The winning's can help anyone out in this constantly changing economy. Lovechild has set it it striaght.

The Great Battle Of Urb - 1780

STARTING FROM THIS CHRONICLE, I AM DOING THE INSIDE_SCOOP CHRONICLE THING.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once upon a time, there were tribes of the sacred city Urbanville. The good tribe that wanted good and happiness for Urbanville was called ' The Heroes '. The second tribe was the complete opposite. They wanted bad and evil acts to happen in Urbanville. They were called ' The Rebellions' Aka ' The Family '

The Heroes and The Rebellions never got on AT ALL. They hated each other, they attacked each other, burned down their houses, spray painted everywhere on the walls. Urbanville was now a Suburban Ghetto! The people of Urb never had a say. If they opened their mouths, The Family would break their legs then lock them in a closet or chuck them in the sea...


One day, the Heroes could not take it any longer. All this fighting, harming citizens, arresting folk for no reason. The Hereos could not stand it any longer. So on March 24th, 1780, the Heroes decided to have a Final Battle.

The heroes sent a super fast messenger called Super Speedy Dude ( SSD for short ) to go to the Family Mansion and ask them for a final battle. The Rebellions were well known for not rejecting fights, so when one of the council members, Rockin_Gabriel [ RG ] heard this news, he was excited, but worried as well. He was worried because he knew that if they went to battle, there will be thousands and thousands of dead Rebellions because he Heroes were not War Veterans, but they fought really smart and clever... RG went and told the Patriarch, Osmeliio this news... Osmeliio was delighted to hear this, but also feared about the deaths of thousands of Rebellions... Osmeliio read the letter SSD had given them one last time.

Dear Osmeliio

We, The Heroes of Urbanville, are sick and tired of this nonsense! We have come to a conclusion and we want to have a Final Battle. The battle that will end all of this chaos. If you choose to accept, meet us in The Streets at 2pm tomorrow and we shall settle this once and for all!

Yours sincerely,

Zoomer_McTraveller ^-^

Osmeliio thought for a momment..

Osmeliio: Go fetch my favourite Dark Wing ( DW ) Hamo...
RG: Yes sir Osmeliio sir.

RG went and found Hamo in the kitchen, munching on some dark chocolate and semi skimmed milk. He told him that Osmeliio wanted to see him instantly. Hamo was worried so he ran to Osmeliio's office.

Hamo: You called for me sir ?
Osmeliio: Ahh. My favourite DW, Hamo. Take a seat.
Hamo took seat.

Osmeliio: Did you know that tomorrow we are having a Final Battle with the Heroes, and that thousands of Rebellions will die?
Hamo: (gulp) Umm.. No.. Nobody told me?
Osmeliio: Well now you know. Go tell the rest of your brothers and I want to see every single one of you brothers at the Streets tomorrow at 2pm
Hamo:... Yes sir...
Hamo: Sir, does this mean that -
Osmeliio: Yes young one... This could be the end...
Hamo: ( gulp ) Okay I will tell the brothers

Hamo zoomed off and told his brothers straight away.

RG: Umm. Sir -
Osmeliio: I wish not to speak at this time Gabriel, just be there tomorrow. Prepared...
RG: Okay...

THE NEXT DAY
-----------

It was 2pm, both tribes at The Streets. It was Daylight, millions of citizens standing aside. Filled with fear!

Hamo: Well boys, this is it.. The moment we all haven't been waiting for :(
Bucket: Hey man think positive. We are going win. They may be smart, and have strength in numbers, but we have strength in ourselves. We have faith, my friend.
Dano_Da_Mano: Enough with the emotional chat brothers. We are assassins, We strike hard and fast. Let's just get this over with.
Hamo: Let's make the prayer

The assasins (DW) made the ancient assassin prayer.
Behind them stood thousands of Rebellions.
Hamo: REBELLIONS!! ARE YOU READY!
Rebellions: YES WE ARE READY!
Hamo: Lets do this then...

There were soldiers, shadows, council members and basically every family member and Rebellion member were there!

Osmeliio looks at Zoomer with hatred. Zoomer has a cheeky smile on his face.

Osmeliio scans the area

Osmeliio: They have men hiding behind street walls and on rooftops. They want us to think they actually have less people. Hamo, I want you, Bucket, Dano and Altergut to take the roofs. Assassinate all of the Heroes as quickly as you can. As soon as you are on the roofs, I am giving you 15 seconds to take them all out.. Remember what I have taught you my brothers, have faith and fight well.

Hamo and the assassins go on the rooftops and kill every single hero in 5 seconds. They used throwing knives, crossbows and some fast acting poison. They truly were the fastest assassins.

Osmeliio looks at Hamo and nods.

Hamo confirms the nod.

Hamo: Bucket, see Euphyllia ? I want you to assasinate him on my mark.
Same for you Dano, but I want you to get Blast-off Rocket Captain.
And Alter, I want you to kill Ronaldo.

Bucket: Okay
Dano: Sure
Alter: Sure thing brother.

Hamo gives Osmeliio a three second countdown with his fingers.

1...2... and ... 3!!

SWOOSH! The sound of the assassins diving and assassinating their targets made a swoosh sound.

Osmeliio: CHAAAAARGE!!!!!

Everyone charged.. Hell basically broke loose.

Hamo: Now who should I take... hmm... I think I shall take that Afro dude.
SWOOSH. Hamo had just dived down and killed Afro Liscious Funk Daddy.

Hamo instantly pulls out his sword that his grandfather, Altair hand crafted for him when Hamo was 4 years old.

Osmeliio ran toward Zoomer, and on his way he had to kill a few Heroes. Zoomer had to do the same but kill some villains.

Osmeliio finally reached Zoomer, but before Osmeliio could attack Zoomer with his Double Staff Infection, Hamo had spotted Zoomer's trick. Now Hamo was an EX- HERO. So he knew all the tricks the Heroes use, but Zoomer's trick took Hamo years to understand how he done it.


Zoomer basically stood still, pretending he couldn't see his foe running towards him. And when his foe would come close enough, A flying dagger would come flying out of nowhere. Everyone thinks that Zoomer has powers to do anything, but that was just a myth.. Hamo studied Zoomer for years and figured out that Zoomer has a special shoe. A shoe with a built in dagger inside it. All Zoomer must do is press his toe down and a very sharp dagger would rip right through his opponents ankle bone.

Hamo noticed Zoomer doing this so he risked his life and ran straight towards Zoomer and CRACK! Hamo punched him straight on the jaw and sent him flying into a wall..

Osmeliio: Hamo! I had him within my grasp!
Hamo: No you did not mentor... Zoomer had a trick. Remember that shoe trick I told you Zoomer does ? Well he was about to do that. Luckily I spotted him and ran here
Osmeliio: Wow.. Thank you young assassin. This maneuver would have earned you a higher rank. But before we think about that, let's end this
Hamo: Touche!

They both went back into battle. Bucket was fighting some guy, and sliced his head off.
Alter and Dano were back to back fighting off the Heroes.
Hamo was battling with his sword and watching for his assassin brothers and Osmeliio in case they needed help.

Osmeliio: Haha Zoomer, I have you now. You should have left that Hero Academy when you had the chance 25 years ago! Now you must pay for killing my Father and putting shame into my family.
Zoomer: Hahahah your father deserved his death, death by a Hero's hand! The prophecy was about me! "An assassin shall rise and kill the Big One." I was the assassin and I killed your father. The Big One.

Osmeliio: No! The prophecy was " An assassin shall rise and kill the Big One. The Assassin shall then die by another man's hand."

Neither of us is the Assassin! And if it were you, prepare to die by my hand fool!


Zoomer: Hehehe not today!
Zoomer had another trick which Hamo did not know nor did Osmeliio, he had a hidden blade in his wrist. He shot the blade right through Osmeliio's rib.

Osmeliio: Aaahhhh! You fool. 


TBC...

GREAT BATTLE PART 2

Osmellio: You were never no match for me so you use tricks!
Zoomer: Looks like the tables have turned now. You're the one complaining about dirty tricks while I am using the tricks ;)

Hamo had a feeling someone was in trouble, so he turned around with ease and witnessed Osmeliio on the floor with Zoomer on top, walking around him.

Hamo: No!
Hamo finished off his opponent with a big slice to the neck.

Hamo: Bucket ! Get the rest of the brothers and watch my back! I'm going to back up Osmeliio!
Bucket confirmed this with a nod. Hamo ran towards Zoomer again and this time tackled him to the floor!


PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH CRACK!


Hamo had been pounding Zoomer's face with his fists. Assassins wore brown gloves with silver jaggy shaped things on the knuckles. The punches must have hurt like hell!

Zoomer: What are you doing! This is none of your business!
Hamo: If anybody wants to kill Os they must go through me first! Come on old man I'll take you on right here!

Osmeliio: Hamo don't ! He is too strong! You're not ready yet.
Zoomer: Yesss.. Listen deaf one. You're not ready yet! Now leave!
Hamo ignored what Os and Zoomer had said and hooked Zoomer in the face, done a little 1-2 combo to the stomach then a huge uppercut. The punches didn't affect Zoomer much, so Hamo took out his sword and attacked. Zoomer used his arms to deflect the sword attacks, he was that strong. No scratches, scars, nothing.

Zoomer: Hahaha , fool. You are too weak! You do not have the Mentor's strength!
 Zoomer punched Hamo and knocked him off his feet, dazed.
Zoomer: Now I shall deal with your mentor
Hamo had a flashback of when he was a Hero.

*Zoomer: To kill a mentor, you must have mentor strength. You do not, young one.. But your sword holds special powers within it. Your sword that Altair made specially for you has immere mentor strength. All you need to do is say the ancient prayer and stab the enemy in the heart. Now don't use this on me young one haha.*

Hamo: ( gasp ) The heart!
Hamo unsheathed his sword and stood up.

Hamo: Father... Face me in a one on one battle
Zoomer couldn't believe that Hamo had just called him Father after 18 years.
Zoomer: ... Fine. Spoilt child. I will face you.
Hamo whispered the ancient prayer. Zoomer could not remember this prayer because he had not been an assassin for over 10 years nor has he ever said that prayer. But a true assassin never forgets..

Hamo ran towards Zoomer, filled with rage and stabbed him right in the heart.
Zoomer: No... You did the.. Mentor.. Immere strength.. How..
Zoomer fell to the floor, glowing yellow.

Osmeliio: ...
Hamo: Mentor ! Are you okay?! Do you need a medic ? We can -
Osmeliio: The prophecy was about you..
Hamo: Nah it cant be. I just killed Z-
Hamo stopped at the letter Z. He was speechless..
Hamo: That means I am going to die ? :'(
Osmeliio: Unfortunately yes :/
Zoomer rose up silentely, glowing and stabbed Hamo through his heart.
Zoomer: Haha little fool. How dare you disrespect your father and humiliate me!
Hamo: Osmeliio hel-
Vanish... Zoomer and Hamo vanished.

At that point... nothing happened. But then a huge earthquake erupted.

Everyone ran. And within 10 seconds every Villain and Hero had died...

Osmeliio turned into a statue for people of the modern age, 2012 to admire as history.
The Family Mansion still remains as a historical building.
The Heroes are gone.

What has happened you say?
Allow me to explain.

Zoomer was a hero, he died.
Hamo was a villain ex-hero, he died.
Osmeliio basically died.
And every villain and hero died.

Now since the legends have died, the assassins and heroes and Osmellio etc, had special dna in them which they did not know about.
When they died, the dna wasnt able to go into the afterlife, so it stayed in Urbanville and spread everywhere.


Now there is a mixed group of people
Villains
Heroes
Beatniks
Nomads
Vigilantes

Nobody knows about the Great Battle. So the Villain and Heroes aren't going to start another war.

The only person who knows is me...

This is the end of my journel. My name is Hamo, Master Assassin, and I give my greetings from the afterlife. I will not share this journal just yet. I fear there will be another great war.


So for now, don't tell anyone about this and goodnight!

Urb Radio Loss

Around a week ago Urb lost one of it's most popular radio stations "101.5' it ended July 20 5:50 am. Everyone in the town has visited this radio station it should be in the Hall of Fame if there is one for these legendary radio stations. New stations are being built I see "SandTown 95.2' is doing the best. It has 180+ responses it is building to become the next big thing. I would like to dedicate this topic to the biggest radio station "101.5". I hope you enjoy my findings about the new stations.

~Bull99

The Family Has Returned!

Long ago, The Family ruled Urbanville. The Family would crush zeros, dizzy vigilantes, back slap beatniks, and knock-out nomads. They were unstoppable, untouchable to the rest of the city.

One tragic day, a fire started in The Family's mansion and it burned to the ground... The Family's members were devastated by fire and the lose of their home, so they all split up and went their separate ways. On that day, The Family was no more.

But now... They have returned and are stronger than ever. The new and improved Family is once again crushing zeros, dizzying vigilantes, back slapping beatniks, and knocking-out nomads. So If you want to challenge us, be my guest. Be warned though, you will be taken down and sent home crying.

Basketball is Mine!

I have been playing basketball since I was 4 and I have been on a team since I was 8.... What does that tell you? I got SKILLZ, on the last game of the season this year I scored a triple and a double earning me the MVP rank of a lifetime!


But, even great stars have their faults. During the last quarter of the game I tried to stuff on the backboard and my legs were swept right underneath me. I landed on my shoulder and I broke my arm in two different places, you probably don't even know it but I'm typing with one hand:) But I will be healed by the time October comes for next season and I will be even greater! I will shoot to the sky higher than Jupiter! You wait Urb, I'm going places...

Urban Legends.

Hello my name is Jonathan Cucuntan, I'm an adventurer of the bizarre and explorer of the unknown. My grandfather was also an explorer, he was one the first people to lead an expedition to find the Yeti, needless to say he wasn't successful, but he always told me a story about how he came so close to one that he could feel his breath on his face and that's what inspired me to prove to the world that he wasn't crazy. At least that's what I told National Urbographic and they gave me a column so here I am.

On this week's edition of Urban Legends, we are searching for the great sewer gator. You know the one that urb mommies use to scare their children with. I got some solid info, paid a guy on the internet 5 Urbos, that he has been seen in the sewage tunnels under City Hall, so that's the first place we'll check.

*whispers* We are in the sewage tunnels now and from the droppings we can clearly see that there is some sort of animal living hear, *ignores thousands of rats scurrying around him*, I'm sure it must be what we are looking for. I think we'll set up a few camera traps and come back in 24 hours, since I'm sure this is the creature's den.

*after 24 hours starts looking at video footage*
Ok so let's see what are cameras captured. I see some movement, it looks like... a human, hey wait I know that guy, he rolls with the villains. What is he doing? Looks like he's setting up a grill and other villains seem to be joining them. What the... they're grilling rats, that's just nasty. Let's fast forward, wait I think I see something it's fuzzy, but it's definitely huge, I can only make out its shadow but, yes there's definitely something there, oh wow it disappeared in an instant. Well folks looks like the case of the giant sewer alligator is going to stay open. Read ya next time.

Just Another Day

So there I was, walking down the Urbanville streets when I spotted some new gear at Funk's. I walked in and I saw every urb I knew with the new gear. At first I was like "I'm going to get them as well!" when suddenly I looked at the price and it was worth 10 million urbos! I couldn't afford that but everyone else did. So I walked back out and I was heading home when suddenly I came across five heroes! I went for the attack when suddenly I got hit from behind and was knocked out.

(5 MINUTES LATER)

"Ouch my head, what happened?" I asked myself. I turned around and I saw my friend Hamo. "Hey Hamo, did you hit me in the head?" I asked him.


"Yeah I did. Why did you go to attack them without help? Are you crazy!" He shouted at me.


"I could handle them myself." I replied.


"They had the new gear and you just went with your old gear trying to defeat them? Dude that's crazy." he said.


"Well it is not my fault. I don't have 10 million urbos." I said.


"Well why didn't you just ask? Here take it." he said happily.


"Well okay, thanks man. I knew I could count on you." I said.

(Heads into Funk's)

So then I bought some new gear and I was happy with it. I walked out the shop and then I came across the same heroes as I saw before!


"Right that's it, nobody is stopping me now!" I shouted. So I headed into warp drive and I took them out. One stood back up.


"You really think you can take me down villain?" he asked.


"I don't think, I know." I said. (Throws a Goatfist Bomb de Jour) Kaboom! They were all finished.

Just another day in Urbanville defeating all of the zeroes.

Officer. Osmeliio #26

Long long time there was a police officer, badge number 26. He was the best at his academy, he had arrested every bad guy there was in the town of urbaniacs. He went by the name Osmelio aka number 26. He was the happiest and most loved officer there was, you had a problem he would of helped you, you lost a cat he would look under the world just to make you happy.


One day Osmelio saw the leader of the villains who had come back after a long time and he was thirsty to get his payback to the person that threw him behind bars for a long time.

Osmelio was walking down the street with a coffee on his right hand and a donut on his left, in a quick flash the villain's leader appears in Osmelio's face, Osmelio dropped his coffee and his donut. They had him ganged up, there was 15 of them and only 1 officer. You would think that they would kick him all the way around the earth and back BUT no, they offered him a deal that had Osmelio thinking for 10 minutes.


The deal was he could still be an officer BUT he had to switch to the dark side.. WAIT WAIT HOLD UP, so a corrupt officer, the only thing Osmelio loved was being an officer, but he disliked being pushed around by his boss the mayor, the leader explained how everything is going down...

Leader: Ok I will break it down to you my friend, you can be a corrupt police officer, you can do what ever you want, I mean WHAT EVER you want! You can steal an old lady's purse, take her money and throw her purse on the lake. You can rob anyone and get away with it, you will have a corupt senator as your boss, but he doesn't give a flying plane what you do, he will support you no matter what.

As of that day Osmelio changed his name and added 2 i's and had a nickname which he goes by Os. Till this day he is still in the academy and he is still on the streets stealing candy from little kids and robbing banks. He has taken over a old villain tradition which is called "The Family". With the support of the senator and rancid they will dominate who ever stands in their way. Keep in mind they will fine you or give you warrant papers for NO REASON at all. Better hide under a rock when you see them..

Lake Urbanville Algae Explosion

In the past few weeks, scientists at Urbanville University lead by myself were monitoring algae growth in Lake Urbanville, a medium sized lake south of the city. Algae growth has exploded in the past few days due to excess nitrates and phosphates in the water. We are not for sure what caused these, but we have an idea. Our theory is that after the stat transfer event occurred, farmers that spent all of their extra money on getting stronger had to plant more crops to regain their money back, thus they needed to use multiple times the amount of nitrogen to fertilize their crops as usual. These nitrogen-based fertilizers were converted into nitrates and phosphates and entered the streams that feed Lake Urbanville as runoff. The lake wasn't used to these high levels of phosphates and nitrates, so there was an explosion of algae.

What you can take away from reading this... Don't go swimming any time soon. ;)

You've been warned,
Euphyllia