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Issue 157

May 4, 2011

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>> Editorials
Rawk Squawk

The Rawk Squawk asked over 50 funky urbaniacs what they didn't like about Urbanville. We got different answers from your fellow Urbaniacs. Remember you can always send me your opinions on anything about Urb! It may just be featured in the Rawk Squawk!

What I dont like about Urbanville is.....

*Opinions are unedited and are complete quotes of your fellow citizens*

"The only way you can quick chat is by battle, would be better if you could chat directly to anyone online." - Jodie1995

"wat i dont like is that not alot of people get online somtimes there isnt even 2 people to play with." - SASSY_BRIANA

"i dont like that there is so many bugs all the time. and i hate that the new newbs always ask for your urbos,gear, and body parts." - Magic_Shodow

"People who play this game only to get more urbos. Beggars. Selfish people, as is the case in real life also. Boring or insulting forum topics." - TunsaTheGreat

"What I dont like about Urbanville is..... Um.....the annoying people.But you can't do anything about that." - Elaphante

"THE FILTER!!!!!!! The glitches, the fact that you have hardly any interaction with the main people Daman and Goat, the fact that it seems like a low maintenance money making site now and some of the new urbs who are dumb as a doormat." - RichMax


Please send us any opinions about anything related to Urbanville. Thank You!

till' next week,
Jay_Rawker

Do Gooders!

Many Non-Villain Urbaniacs have been assaulting Do Gooders for doing good things! I can't say I haven't done this myself. Just a few minutes ago I assaulted the Do Gooders because they were helping my grandma across the street! I didn't realize that until I read the purpose of the assault, and it was simply Urbos and chances for a TP. But I should be thanking them for all the good things they do around the community.

It seems that the only strong NPC's are evil; Sparky, Kelvins, and others are way stronger than Jenny and Johnny Law. So it's actually easier to beat up the Do Gooders than it is to beat the wicked ones. Should Do Gooders get a membership at the local Gym and get a fair chance against their opponents? I believe so! Even though they do good for our community, we as citizens of Urbanville must compete for superiority! Therefore we fight everyone that comes to our way.

Well, that's was me making a point!

And now this is me leaving to fight Do Gooders! See Ya!

Mister with a Hoof

Hey Mister with a hoof
Whom I do not fear.
Don't call me a goof
Or I'll give you a sneer.

Hey Mister with a hoof
You aren't that tough.
I don't need proof
For your evil petty stuff.

Hey Mister with a hoof
Please stop pretending
I know it's a spoof,
Nobody is running.

Hey Mister with a hoof
Please go bye bye.
Haven't you seen enough?
Urbanville won't bow and cry.

Hey Mister with a hoof
Why are you still here?
Just go dance, and poof.
So we can party and cheer.

No hard feelings...please?!

DaMayor Sick!

The Mayor of our beloved town is sick! Doctors won't give me any information on his condition. So I decided to investigate myself by asking people in and around the hospital, family and friends what they know. What I got might surprise most Urbaniacs in town, for others it might be good news. Looks like Mayor DaMan went grocery shopping at Speedy's Java Hut, where he bought some bad Urbo-Gurts which he then ate when he got home. I have no idea if this can turn out deadly or not, all we can do is wait.

In the meantime, I've decided to pay a visit to Super Speedy Dude at Speedy's Java Hut. I asked him about the Urbo-Gurts and how long have they been sitting in stock. He nervously responded that they were just brought to him a week ago. By now I couldn't tell if he was lying or not, and I asked him another question to which he said he knew nothing more about the Gurts. Could this be the fault the manufacturers? It's too soon to tell. I'll be covering this story as new information gets out.

May Urbstrology

May is a good time to make amends and clear up misunderstandings. Feeling anxious? You're probably feeling pangs of guilt about something you've done. Instead of using logic, go with your gut feelings about how to approach people and heal past wrongs. But don't expect an apology from Jenny for messing up your garden, or from Kelvin for flooding your lair.

The trines of Mars, Mercury and Venus in Taurus to Pluto in Capricorn makes it a good month for improving finances and relationships. From the 16th to about the 26th, you'll be thinking clearly. Be practical and organize your finances to achieve stability. That means stay away from the slot machines. Oh wait, Urbanville doesn't have a casino. Maybe some evil doer can fix that.

Also during this time you can gain confidence and self-esteem by being more direct and honest with others. It's important to accept others for who they are as well. Feel free to keep your masks on, though. The thought of a fully unmasked Urbanville is frightening.

In the second half of May, you should find yourself appreciating the experiences that life has to offer, from the crunchy Urbo-Fried Corn Dog at Speedy's Java Hut to the thrill of bouncing from Roof to Roof... Ruckus. Being grateful will help you make the most of life's pleasures.

The new moon is on the 3rd, but it's not too late to write down your wishes (not more than 10). Remember the Taurus themes of money, loyalty, material possessions, diligence and good times when you're making your list.

Sample Wishes:
1. I wish that urbos would pour into my account, happily and honestly.

2. I want to have fun every day no matter what, even if it's just splashing around in the puddle from that leaky hydrant in the Street Fight.

>> Top Stories
Earth Day Massacre Part I

It was Earth Day, April 22nd, 2012, the supposedly 'Doomsday Year', when the world was supposed to end. THIS is when it started...
*****************************************************************

"ALEX!" My older sister screamed, "GET DOWN HERE!" she roared.

My name is Alex Nelson, 15 years old, 6 foot 4 inches tall. My older sister, Jessica, is 23 years old, 5 foot 8 inches, unusually tall for her age and gender. She was my legal guardian until I turned 18, because both of our parents were dead from some 'unknown disease' that killed them, we also have no living relatives, except for our grand parents, who were both considered legally mental, meaning they were both considered crazy. I was only 12 when that happened, and I WAS going to go to Foster Care, but my older sister became my legal guardian , because she didn't want that to happen to me, and I was VERY VERY VERY grateful for that. Anyways, back to the story.


"I'm coming!!" I yelled, slipping in my favorite pair of pants. shirt, and sweater. I ran down the stairs, jumping from 30 stairs up, and landing gracefully on my feet, there was an advantage. I was basically a ninja, I was a 4th degree blackbelt in Kung Fu, Karate, Tai-Quan-Doe, and Jujitsu. Basically making me a legit ninja warrior. I walked into the kitchen, looking at my sister.


"What's up?" I asked her.

"Not so much as 'whats up' as 'What's down to Earth." she replied, pointing at the T.V., which was on channel 45, the News Channel. I walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch.

"We bring you this special report from Dunelake Middle School, Urbaniacs, Universe, where it's been reported that thousands of birds simply, dropped out of the sky!" The reporter said stupidly. It flashed over to some kid talking about the disaster.

"I was out in the soccer field when birds simply started to drop out of the sky." they explained. The little kid went on, "Pretty soon, thousands of them were following the first ones. I picked one up to feel for a heartbeat, there simply wasn't a heartbeat..." he said, on the verge of crying. Now it flashed to some other kid talking about how scared and horrified they were.

"I was terrified out of my right mind. Its like this... I'm simply sitting, talking with some friends, something hits me in the back of my head, HARD. I look behind me and see a small hummingbird, then the noon mom's start blowing their whistles, then thousands of them start dropping out of the sky like rocks, everyone was getting pelted with them. It was terrifying." they said, also on the verge of tears.

"See, isn't that terrible?" my sister asked.

"WELL OF COURSE!" I replied, now bummed out by the report.

"I've got to get going to the movie." I said. I grabbed my stuff that I needed for the movie, which consisted of 30 dollars, my jacket, and my shoes. I grabbed my stuff and began to run for the door.

"Be careful!!" my sister yelled after me.

"Don't worry!" I yelled back.
**************************************************************

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2!!!

>> Business
ManDude Mart

Come check us (Us being I, ManDude) out! We have body parts, gear and sdekicks. Restocked every week to a month, we will probably always usually almost kinda never not have because we always will have new items!

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