Forgot Password? Remember Me

Issue 148

Jul 24, 2009

Submit A Story!

Got an Urbaniac story, comic strip or anything else newsworthy or funny?

Send it our way!

Issues

Issue 209

Issue 208

Issue 207

Issue 206

Issue 205

Issue 204

Issue 203

Issue 202

Issue 201

Issue 200

Issue 199

Issue 198

Issue 197

Issue 196

Issue 195

Issue 194

Issue 193

Issue 192

Issue 191

Issue 190

Issue 189

Issue 188

Issue 187

Issue 186

Issue 185

Issue 184

Issue 183

Issue 182

Issue 181

Issue 180

Issue 179

Issue 178

Issue 177

Issue 176

Issue 175

Issue 174

Issue 173

Issue 172

Issue 171

Issue 170

Issue 169

Issue 168

Issue 167

Issue 166

Issue 165

Issue 164

Issue 163

Issue 162

Issue 161

Issue 160

Issue 159

Issue 158

Issue 157

Issue 156

Issue 155

Issue 154

Issue 153

Issue 152

Issue 151

Issue 150

Issue 149

Issue 148

Issue 147

Issue 146

Issue 145

Issue 144

Issue 143

Issue 142

Issue 141

Issue 140

Issue 139

Issue 138

Issue 137

Issue 136

Issue 135

Issue 134

Issue 133

Issue 132

Issue 131

Issue 130

Issue 129

Issue 128

Issue 127

Issue 126

Issue 125

Issue 124

Issue 123

Issue 122

Issue 121

Issue 120

Issue 119

Issue 118

Issue 117

Issue 116

Issue 115

Issue 114

Issue 113

Issue 112

Issue 111

Issue 110

Issue 109

Issue 108

Issue 107

Issue 106

Issue 105

Issue 104

Issue 103

Issue 102

Issue 101

Issue 100

Issue 99

Issue 98

Issue 97

Issue 96

Issue 95

Issue 94

Issue 93

Issue 92

Issue 91

Issue 90

Issue 89

Issue 88

Issue 87

Issue 86

Issue 85

Issue 84

Issue 83

Issue 82

Issue 81

Issue 80

Issue 79

Issue 78

Issue 77

Issue 76

Issue 75

Issue 74

Issue 73

Issue 72

Issue 71

Issue 70

Issue 69

Issue 68

Issue 67

Issue 66

Issue 65

Issue 64

Issue 63

Issue 62

Issue 61

Issue 60

Issue 59

Issue 58

Issue 57

Issue 56

Issue 55

Issue 54

Issue 53

Issue 52

Issue 51

Issue 50

Issue 49

Issue 48

Issue 47

Issue 46

Issue 45

Issue 44

Issue 43

Issue 42

Issue 41

Issue 40

Issue 39

Issue 38

Issue 37

Issue 36

Issue 35

Issue 34

Issue 33

Issue 32

Issue 31

Issue 30

Issue 29

Issue 28

Issue 27

Issue 26

Issue 25

Issue 24

Issue 23

Issue 22

Issue 21

Issue 20

Issue 19

Issue 18

Issue 17

Issue 16

Issue 15

Issue 14

Issue 13

Issue 12

Issue 11

Issue 10

Issue 9

Issue 8

Issue 7

Issue 6

Issue 5

Issue 4

Issue 3

Issue 2

Issue 1

>> Editorials
July 24, 2009

Welcome back to the Chronicles.  Change is good.  It forces us out of our habits and it opens opportunities.  As much as I despise changes in my habit, I almost cracked a smile when I saw what the developers did for the Chronicles.  This will make my life easier.  For those who had issues seeing previous Chronicle issues, your troubles are over.  To those who work hard developing this site, your hard work is appreciated.


Once again, I would like to thank those who contributed articles.  The paper stays alive because of you.  Feh, I would not have a job without you.  Do not expect me to be friends with you.  Or even harbor some sort of sentimental feelings.  I said thank you, that is all you will receive from me.

From what Ira has told me, the candidates for Deputy Mayor has been selected.  He has not given me a date on when it will start.  Keep your eyes opened for an announcement.

Now that I am done thrilling you with my writing expertise, it is time to get to the rest of the paper.  Enjoy.

Feh,
The Masked Editor

>> Top Stories
Lifestyles of the Urb and Blignin’: Whiskey

Most of the Urb’s Blingin’ are in that category thanks to hard work and popularity but this is the first time that I, Scoop, had a chance to holla at a gamer chick!  She isn’t just a gamer chick, she is THE gamer chick and your boy feels honored that she took time out to holla at him!  Unlike my first two interviews, this one was very quiet.  She kept a lot of information to herself and she refused to give me actual numbers but that doesn’t matter!  She has earned her spot in this category, ya heard!

So how does this tight lipped gaming honey make her money?  Whiskey claims that she makes her money through battling and playing games in Urbanville.  It all depends on if she has time to participate in these activities.

One day of playing games and battling =  $150,000 - $250,000 urbos.


All her days of gaming and battling has earned her a righteous 60 million urbos in her bank account which earns her over 140,000 urbos/day.  (I ain't mad at her!)  Urbos which she claims that she anonymously donates to people every day.  She does this to keep people from beggin’ her.  So if you’re about to holla at her through email to get some free stuff, hold up, think about what you’re just doing and forgitaboutit!

Normally when a brotha interviews someone for Lifestyles, the person spills mad information but this isn’t the case.  The last of what I managed to squeeze out of Whiskey was the fact that her favorite gear is her lava pecs because they are super rare and the fact that her favorite sidekick is a Sucka!  Accordin’ to her, she’s dropped a lot of training passes on him!

I always thought that Affy called her 'Key because it was cute but apparently there is a deeper meanin’ behind that, for real!  Regardless of her silence, Whiskey is still part of Lifestyles of the Urb and Blingin’ a title that she has worked hard to obtain!

Holla at your boy!

Scoop

The Mathematics of Funk

Spreading the Funk may seem like an arduous task
The answer we seek is in the Math, how, one may ask?
In Math if one were to add a negative and a positive
The bigger number of the two will supply the causative

If you are not Mathematically savvy let this nerd explain
How through simple addition/subtraction funk can reign
When adding two integers with a plus or a minus sign
The symbol before the larger number is always assigned

To simplify the meaning of this Mathematical poem more
One must invite the positive in and send the negative to the door
If everyone took control of themselves and decide to walk in the funk
Then everyday the positive will win with an easy yet flashy slam dunk

In layman’s terms if more citizens of Urbanville are optimistic
Then the world of Urbanville will reflect it, isn’t that simplistic?
It is now time to choose, it is my hope that with the funk you all will abide
That way, funk will win whether we add, subtract, multiply, or divide!

Afro Chic's TRUE Identity!

Afro Chic, or Affy, is an admin as most around Urb know and as all admins do, she has a special body so that the younger members can identify her, but she wasn't always an admin, so she MUST have another body. This other body is none other than the Sassy Jungle Kitty.

I asked Affy,


“Mistress of Funk is pretty cool
But hiding Kitty is just plain cruel

The Jungle Kitty needs to Strut her stuff
Maybe punch a henchie to prove she's buff

She needs a day or maybe a week
To prove to urb she's super Chic!

So the one question I have to say
is, "Why must you hide your Body away?"



She replied,


“The SJK body is never too far from me
But I can't rock her as much as I want, you see

She was my past and now I cherish her everyday
But even she understands that she can't always come out to play

For whenever there are questions from someone new
They have to be able to identify admins and that is true

When in my SKJ body it is very VERY hard to know
That I am one of the cats in charge although

Those who have been around know the true story
About how Afro Chic began and rose to her new glory

Although my SKJ body is hardly ever seen by the naked eye
She is still my favorite body and oh so VERY fly

She isn't hidden away like some farm that hides its cattle
She is brought out every time the MoF has time to battle

So please, don't worry about my body not getting respect
Although now you know that she gets more that usual in retrospect”



Well that about wraps everything up! So Affy's SJK body is still in use, just not as much as it used to be. :)

This is True Villainy signing off!


 

The Villainous Three

While walking down the street you could smell an unusual scent. That made me to reminisce about the good ole days. As I continued walking I came upon a shrubbier area and could hear people talking. Now I'm not one to eavesdrop on personal conversation. You know how things look when people meet in a secluded area to talk. Walking slowly and carefully I slid behind the bushes to get a better scope on the situation.

Person1. Well how are we going to do it?

Person 2. There is plenty of that stuff hanging around in storage.

Person 3. Yeah right! There will be so many upset people. I for one don't wanna have to deal with them.

Person 1: Well, we will be causing chaos and that is what they expect.

Person 3: You know that is right, we were told to find a way to shake things up.

Person 2: Won't we have to ask the elders first? I mean we can't do anything without getting permission.

Person 1: “laughing” What do you think they would say? Oh no! You can't do that!

Person 2: Just like they do to every evil plan we come up with. It is just never good enough.

Person 1: Enough with chit chat let's get down to business at hand. So, how would we project them there?

Person 3: Ohhhh! I have a wonderful Idea and it will be so much fun! Why don't we use the bloomers from Dudeman's clothes line as a sling shot?

Person 2: Yeah! That is an awesome idea. They should be able to fling the filling pretty far.

Person 1: Boy times flies when your planning mayhem. We all have our review to see who makes it to the family. The clock is ticking down.

Person 2: No matter what, the three of us will still pull this off. Agreed?

Person 1: That is no joke, they won't know what happened until it hits them. “sounds of the three of them laughing fill the air”

Person 3: Hands in.

Three of them together: We may not back down on this commitment and no one tells a soul.

Curiosity got the best of me and I had to know who they were. Peaking up over the bushes the three of them were hooded walking away laughing. Gee what was I expecting. No villain would ever devise a plan out in broad daylight and allowed their faces to be seen. Now as for the fate of whomever they are planning this on, well I wouldn't want to be them.

>> Ask Handsome
Ask Handsome

Dear Handsome,

So, where is the best place to find the ladies? And what method do you use to start talking to her? Do you have any pick-up lines?

Player Thing

Dear Player Thing,

Handsome hopes that you aren’t upset that he moved this to the Chronicles.  Ol’ Masky has been hounding Handsome for an article so in a way, you have saved Handsome’s life.  For this, Handsome will let you in on a few secrets.

The best place to find Ladies depend on your character.  For example, if you are a player who likes to hang out at your home, then you shouldn’t search for Ladies at the bar or the club because in Handsome’s eyes, you are heading one way and that is in the land of heartbreak where sometimes a player gets his tires slashed.

The method that Handsome uses is based on his personality.  Handsome is a smooth brotha with a flirty side.  Handsome is also a very funny man so if Handsome sees a Lady who catches his eyes, Handsome will walk up to her and say something funny and flirty.  If the Lady has a scowl on her face, Handsome will sit next to her, but not too close.  Then Handsome will say, “Hey, you are too beautiful to look upset.  You look like you’re about to take a man’s head off.  Handsome understands that sometimes lovely creatures have a hard day but Handsome wasn’t sure if he should say hi or if he should run in the opposite direction with his arms flailing in the air!”  If the Lady laughs or smile, you have broken the first barrier.  If she doesn’t, then there are many more Ladies who will appreciate your line.

Remember, Player Thing, you will have Ladies turn you down because you are not Handsome.  For those who turn you down, send them Handsome’s way.

Who’s your Daddy?  That’s right, I am!

Handsome U. Whantme

>> Business
Urb Chica Wow Wow

Every now and then, Love and I are asked about the show.  Well, we’re asked when we’re going to do another one.  In some cases, we are threatened to do another one but it’s not easy coming up with content...

Especially when things are slow on the site, news wise.  Sure, we can announce all of the gear that comes out each Thursday and give shout outs to those with urboversaries but after a while that gets BORING!  Also, we’re both afraid that if we mention DudeMan any more, his ego might get out of control.  Wait, it already is but we don’t want to feed the monster.  Don’t worry though, we both have our eyes opened for possibilities because we love doing these shows!  It’s the only time when we get to close everything out and spend time together.  Well, us and Rosy and Max.

So please forgive us.  We like to keep our news fresh and on point!  If we can’t do both, then we refuse a show!  We have high standards and you guys deserve the BEST!

Get out there and give us something to talk about!

Keep it Funky,

Afro Chic
Urb Chica Wow Wow Co-Host