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Issue 129

Jul 20, 2008

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Issue 1

>> Editorials
WHAT IS GOING ON?
VILLAINS ARE LEAVING THE FAMILY LIKE A SINKING SHIP? IS IT ONLY BECAUSE THEY REALIZE THAT THEY WOULD NEVER BE AS GREAT AS ME? WHO CARES.

CK WAS A PAWN OF MINE FOR A LONG TIME. HE HAD POTENTIAL TO BE SOMETHING, IF HE COULD EVER STOP BEING SO GRUMPY TO BE GREAT.

J_T IS JUST A LOSER. I AM FINALLY GLAD TO SEE THAT HE EMBRACED HIS INNER LOLLY LICKING LOSER. TWIT!

NOW THERE IS SOUL, THE WEAKEST OF THE VVL, TO HAVE TO BE HANDED IT DOWN LIKE AN OLD RAGGED T-SHIRT, I MEAN IF I WERE JUST HANDED IT, I WOULD AT LEAST PUT ON AN ELECTION TO ENSURE THAT THE VILLAINS WANT ME TO LEAD THEM. I WAS KIND OF HOPING FOR DUDEMAN AND THE AUSSIE SQUAD TO TAKE THE HELM, BUT WE HAVE SOUL. MAYBE /HOPEFULLY HE CAN BRING HONOR TO ALL OF VILLAIN KIND.

EVEN IF HE DOESN'T, I WILL STILL BE THE GREATEST!

BOW TO THE HOOF,
.GOATFIST.
Being mean 2 the different
(Please Mr. Masked_Editor, do not correct this Op-Ed.)

Hi! As u no, I m INAC or Its_Not_A_Conspiracy. Since Day 1, I have been dissed, hated on and tried 2 b made humiliated. All becuz I dont fit the mold of wat u think an Urb should b like. I was not mean 2 any1, and tried 2 make friends where I could. Needless 2 say, it hasnt worked with every1. I think the 1's that have become my friend, it is becuz I m cute, and not 4 who I m.

I have over 70 disses from 16 people.
>> Top Stories
Yeah, I did it. What do you want? A cookie?
So if you noticed, I've departed from the Villains. Not because of any recent events. I would be giving them too much credit if that was the case. I've just an revelation in my life and villain wasn't the way to go. Sorry CK, I am sorry that you don't know how to take me, but I would suggest dinner first. Soul, I am glad to see that your absence from the site and the Curse of the VVL is already beginning. You will soon be up there with the others. Let me guess Dudeman is next and then we let the women actually have an opinion. See, I couldn't do it anymore.

The Family was never meant to hold it all in. It was meant to grow and branch. Sorry the Sheeple only wanted to follow one leader.

I will say Goodluck to Goddess. The only one with courage and brains left.

This isn't my "goodbye letter", because I am not leaving, I am just moving up in the world.

This really isn't even a diss letter, because you are not worth that kind of time.

This is a wake up letter, hopefully some who think they are unfairly oppressed will rise up and seek that what has been lost: THE FUNK!

Nurb Off - BDIB!
J_T
>> Comics
Kingz's Jokes!
It is getting harder and harder to rate them. I have had many back this time so I picked 5 at random and rated them! ;)

I have had a few back and have rated them 1-5 (1 is the best 5 is the worst). Hope you like them!

Rules:
*If you have won you have to wait 1 turn then you can re-enter!
*No rude or unsuitable words
*It does not have to be Urb related
*Please send to me on time (1 day before the Chronicles are produced)
*if yours is not published you can re-send for the following weeks contest

Here are the jokes!

In last place Starkler!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!

My opinion: Lame!

In 4th place xrobertx!
What happened when superdirty got caught in the rain?
She lost the power of her stank.

My opinion: bad!

In 3rd place Kali_Maa
Why does Snoop-dog carry an umbrella?
For a drizzle!

my opinion: ok!

In 2nd place King_Fluffs!
Your mommas so fat when she goes to the beach the whales sing "We Are Family".

My opinion: good!

In 1st place Kozax!
What's the difference between snowman and snowwoman?
Snow balls!

My opinion: Funny!

Congratulations Kozax, your prize this week is a pair of beginners’ Vigilantic legs (Vigilantic 11, 8, 1, 12, 3) and 25,000 urbos !
Enjoy!

If you have a joke that you'd like to share with Urbanville send me an urbogram with your joke!
Next time you might win a tp, some gear that might be cash or some urbos!!!
I will now be rewarding everyone who places an entry from the next Chronicles!,
5,000 urbos for an entry (even if it does not get through to the Chronicles!)
25,000 urbos for 3rd place
50,000 urbos for 2nd place
Mystery prize for 1st

Get joking!

Each time I will be setting a little challenge, a Puzzle Challenge!
OK here it goes the first 3 people who give me the answer wins!
You will have to search through the Chronicles to work it out!

Take the amount of Chronicles there have been, times by the amount of characters in summers name.

Take the amount of lines J_TRANE used in his last post in the Chronicles?

kingz ;)
July Rap Battles


Click the picture!
>> Business
Posting in Forums (Part 1)
Since we have so many new Urbs out there, I decided to take time and go over a few etiquettes to follow when posting in the forums.

#1. Remember the newbies. You were one too and should remember how it felt. They don’t always know answers to their questions and sometimes just need a bit of guidance. Try to be patient when helping them along.

#2. Remember to stay on the topic that is being discussed. Straying off of it turns your posts into spam. That is frowned upon by many Urbaniacs.

#3. If you feel the need spam, then go to the spam forum. Administrators and MODs don't need to wade through a bunch of forums that should be located in the spam area..

#4. Make your responses as clear and concise as possible. If English is your first language then please use punctuation and structured sentences as much as possible. If English isn’t your language, then just do the best you can.

#5. Try and stay away from "chat lingo", it goes along with #4. For some of us, we don’t have a lot of time on Urbs. Breaking up what you’re trying to say might make us over look your posts. Others might use it for a way to attack you.

#6. Please use standard font when posting. Using all caps is just being inconsiderate it’s also the equivalent of YELLING. The exceptions are those who play from work and those who have problems with their sight.

#7. If you have an issue with another Urbaniac, take it to urbograms and don’t post it in the forums. If you try that and it doesn’t work then go to someone you can confide in, like your friend or an Administrator. The older Urbs can help you out. If necessary they can even step in. Major issues should be directed to the Administrators.

Can't wait for the rest? Check out Part 2 in the next Chronicles issue!
>> Politics
The Mystery of the Missing VVLs
Perhaps Paula Cole should have sang "where have all the VVLs gone" because the town of Urbanville needs some answers. It all started once the original leader, Maggot, stepped down from the VVL position. One by one, members began to step up as the VVL only to mysteriously disappear later. What makes it a mystery is the fact that each VVL followed a specific pattern. Once they were inducted into the role, they started out strong. They made changes. Reconstructed the Family and its leaders, but then they faded. Not just from their leadership role but the site in general.

That makes this reporter wonder, what's happening to the missing VVLs? Are they being sacrificed to some VVL god? Does GoatFist turn them into his personal man slave? Does MrAnderson crank call their lairs; offer them a fake trip to Aruba only to sell them out to the police for stealing cable?

All joking aside, this is an interesting phenomena that should be investigated especially after CrimsonKing's recent departure and J_Trane's jump to the Beatific world of Beatnik living and loving. Could the site be the annoyance that drives them away or could it be the members? Could there be various miserable beasts in the group that drives these leaders to their disappearance? These occurrences have taught me that crime not only doesn't pay but it also doesn't keep their leaders.

Now we have Soul_Corruptor named as the new VVL. Unlike his previous successors, his pattern is indeed different. It's as if he's given up and has already disappeared. One has to wonder if he's smart or just lazy?

If disappearing is the final pattern of the VVL, then I would like to suggest who should be the next leader. Think of it as the VVL Survivor where no one stays on the island not because they were voted off, but because they were fed up with everything.

If you think this article is the only one in this series, you are incorrect. In the next Chronicles you will see what happens when I discuss the missing VVL's with the current leaders of the Hustle Alliance and the Vigilantes. I'll even interview the leaders of the new group Funk-Ahhh-Delic ALT to see what this situation is teaching them about group longevity.

Keep it Funky!

Afro_Chic

P.S. Congrats on winning the Urbowars! *winks*