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Issue 125

May 11, 2008

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>> Top Stories
Mother's Day
It's the only day when mothers harass us. When we complain, they cry, "It's Mother's Day!" Like that gives them the right. Feh, Happy Mothers Day. Have some pity on your kids. Mine called me today. Told me that she wanted perfume instead of an autographed editorial. Maybe next year. She asked about grandchildren. Never. She wanted me to take her out to dinner. I sent Handsome over with a bowl of cereal. She stopped calling me after that.

Happy Mother's Day from the Chronicles.

The Masked Editor
UrboWars Rap Battles!
So you can't take down Goatfist by yourself?

Tired of losing to Sparky or the Good Guy Group?

Come to the Freestyle Forum and spit your lines! There is nothing better than gaining respect from your fellow Urbs in a Old Skool Traditional Rap Battle.

So come lay down your tracks and let's see who takes home the HOMEBOY trophy.
The Funk Chronicles


Click the picture to see the actual size.
>> Editorials
Pod Happenings Review
The Play House Presents!

There's a new cultural triumph in Urbanville! The Play House in the Art's District offers plush seating, a state-of-the-art sound system, coat check, concierge, delicious salads, sandwiches, cookies, smoothies and coffee, and a full service bar in its upstairs lounge.

The maiden production was an original play by none other than our own Funk Mistress, Afro_Chic! Pod Happenings played to a sold out house and has enjoyed unprecedented success with enthusiastic audience participation.

Pod Happenings is a story about a troubled man who copes with middle child syndrome in a frustratingly ineffective way. Normally one would expect that such a production would be a dark and oppressing affair, but Affy explores the theme with humor, turning it into a smashing comedy.

Preston, Affy's B. Wereboy, delivered a commanding performance in the leading role of SydneyAlice. He ranted and raved onstage with such tortured feeling that he evoked great sympathy for the character from the audience.

The_Legal_Eagle's B. Wereboy, The_Paralegal_Eagle was a convincing Soul_Corruptor. He captured both the strengths and the weaknesses of Soul, conveying a sense dignity despite his sycophantic actions.

MrBingles and Mikey, playing J_TRANE and MrAnderson respectively did a wonderful commentary performance as spirits who try to influence mortals to evil or good actions. Why is it that mortals are so prone to evil? It's a sad annotation of the human condition.

Affy was played by her shwolf, Penelope, who captured her mannerisms perfectly! I was portrayed by my own Wormette who I must say did a wonderful job. My B. Wereboy, Paolo, played the drunken Iron_Pants to perfection of course, and the three of them together provided much comic relief due in part the natural chemistry they have with one another.

The Henchlings, portrayed by Affy's Phili and Punky, MrAnderson's Mas o Menos and Iron_Pants' the BSP (Beer Swilling Pig) gave top notch performances with ingenious comedic timing. The BSP is a master a flipping those signs of his. You simply have to see the production for yourself.

I daresay this play will be a permanent fixture of The Play House's schedule as it has become an instant Urbanville classic! Check The Play House in The Art's District for showtimes.

>> Business
Crazy Coffee
Gamers Nation is shutdown for good.

From its ashes rose the Crazy Coffee. Crazy Coffee was created because I have a coffee addiction. Come on over and I swear to you, you'll like this coffee brew it's good! I have a great work force in the form of androids, demons, mythological creatures, and video game characters. I will also serve other foods as a request.

Crazy Coffee, "You'll Be Hooked To The Bone Literally!"

Thats our slogan.
>> Comics
Stick It: The Real Surfer Chick