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Issue 116

Feb 19, 2008

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>> Editorials
Welcome 2008
There, I welcomed 2008. Are you happy now?

Everyone around the office wants to know about my New Year's resolutions. I have none. They also asked me about my plans to celebrate. I have none. Resolutions are ill attempts to change oneself while New Year's parties are an excuse to lose inhibitions. I'm not interested in either.

What does interest me is how Urbanville will change. After editing and editing AND editing Scoop's article, I realized we've changed a lot. I've also realized that I still don't like anyone here. Feh, every town needs a grump. You have me.

A good portion of the adults have left or have gone underground. Good. Less adults mean less arguments. You all are worst than the kids. At least they fight and are easily manageable. You can tell a kid to stop and they listen. Try that crap on an adult and you've got another war on your hands.

There are more games. More ways to increase your urbo revenue. Great. Yet, there are less members contributing to the site in general. Folks complain about the Chronicles. Write 1-3 articles and the vanish. What did you change? Nothing. It's easier to say what's wrong than to do something about it. I want to thank everyone who contributes on a weekly basis. Even if you do enrage me with your incessant chatter. Why do you need to talk to me?

The Chronicles will also change. We've discussed adding things to give it more of a newspaper feel like our first .

I would say more, but your puny brains will forget a minute later. I will see the majority of you in the New Year. If not, I don't care.

"Should old acquaintances be forgot, And never brought to mind?"

Heh, I wish I could forget some old acquaintances. Especially Handsome and Scoop.

"Should old acquaintance be forgot, And auld lang syne?"

Does anyone know what this mean? Or is this one of those silly songs people sing without knowing the meaning?

Happy New Years Twits.

The Masked Editor
>> Top Stories
Urbaniacs of the Year
It is the end of the year, and what a year it has been for Urbanville. A great sweeping change has come across the site, and we have embraced it more than ever before. Urbanville has a new style and a better funk, and it doesn't stop there. In a year where every part of Urbanville took leaps and bounds forward, it was hard to choose one Urbaniac that stood out from the crowd.

So, I had to set some parameters for the decision. I decided that there would be only one standard; Urbaniac of the Year should fully represent everything this town is about right now.

When I started comparing the candidates to this standard, the choice became much clearer. Right now, Urbanville is about change and style. And the person who best represents that change and style is the one who created it all:

Elsid.

So it is with great pleasure that I announce that the winner of the title Urbaniac of the Year 2007 goes to Elsid the Funkadelic Punisher.

Not only does Elsid represent all of the new funk that has come to this site, but he also represents everything a new year is about. A new year is about looking back on what we've done while looking forward to what is to come.

It was just too perfect a fit for me to deny; Elsid has already changed this site in so many great ways, but there is still so much more to be done. Thus we are looking back at where the change began, and looking forward to even more, just like a new year.

And you have to applaud Elsid on his activity on his site. He isn't just a behind-the-scenes tech-guy; he doesn't fear getting out and talking to the public he serves. He keeps plenty active in the forums, with 258 posts and counting. And he definitely is not short on props. If everyone in Urbanville were as active as him, maybe this place would be even funkier.

I don't think I need to explain much about how great of a job Elsid is doing with the site; you can see that for yourself. We look forward to many more great innovations from him, and know that he fully deserves this title.

Well, it was an awfully short article for such a momentous occasion, but this award was a simple one to give. Stop by again next year for Urbaniac of the Year 2008!
2007 Breakdown
Yo Urbanville! It's your boy, Scoop_McFanny here and I'm gonna be breakin' down this crazy year that we call 2007!

January 2007 started off with a kick! After hookin' up their new cribs, Urbaniacs got the chance to name the bridge in Urbanville! The Just B Causeway was born! Appreciation Day for Synjen, The Mayor, and JenQ went off without a hitch! DJ Says also came out and told Simon, "You just ain't funky enough brother!"

February 2007 came and went. First, Ira hooked up a slammin' avatar contest that crowned the funkiest avatar on the site. It didn't shock many to find that Afro_Chic, the Mistress of Funk won but she gave the credit and the training pass to the avatar's creator Iron_Pants. Rooftop Ruckus was the number 1 choice in the Mayor's game survey.

March 2007 almost became unforgettable, but Isomaniac revamped his Sidekick Challenge. Folks where scramblin' to get their paws on these fresh sidekicks!

April 2007 had the Easter Egg Hunt created by that vivacious Vampire, Crazy_anz_bd_lover had our peeps searchin' for paint colored ovals. Urbanville artists worked hard to make new hot gear for the citizens to rock in the real world. The man with the iron pants tied with the crazy pink haired Beat in first place!

May 2007Ira bounced leavin' us in the maniacal hands of GoatFist on the site's anniversary. Then he came back just in time for all the citizens to scream, "He stole our avatars and spray painted on the City's name!"

July 2007 not only was the weather hot, but so was the nuptials of JuicyFruit and her pink lovin' groom manutd. The Streets were created as a trash talkin' paradise for those who had skillz! (NOTE: June was skipped for a reason)

August 2007 had everyone in tears when we lost our friend, our brother, our favorite villain Maggot. We tip our burritos to the one the only Burrito Bandito!

September 2007 brought us the Deputy Mayor elections where Flaming_Hair_Jim got his fight on with The_Legal_Eagle. Once the bird feathers, cleared, The_Legal_Eagle was declared the winner. The first Ninja walked into the town and FU-ed all the suckas who tried to step to him. Just when the site was on a respirator, ElSid came along and gave us the funk we were waitin' for...Good choice Ira!

October 2007 witnessed the birth and demise of the Urbanville Council thanks to Goatfist and the official crowning of the Mistress of Funk, Afro_Chic. Urbanville peeps also got all pimped out in their Halloween pumpkin head gear and folks finally found a sidekick, the Halloween Pup, that they didn't have to feed.

November 2007 taught us that every male Ninja needs a lady even if she was lethal! We were taught how to "Kick it Ninja Style" to help work off all those calories from Thanksgiving.

Decmber 2007 wanted to know if you were "Feelin' Lucky Punk" and Urbanville citizens were caught up in the new pimp gear while the girlies finally got the pants they've been askin' for! The_Sorrow helped close out the year with "Maggot's Burritomatic!"

And for the last scoop of the year, it's time to announce that the winner of the December's Rap Battle is Gizmo_Tracer! Sorry TLE and Affstah! I had to drop the bomb first!

2007 was a blazin' year and 2008 will be off da hook! I checked hung around City Hall, aight, I ease dropped, and I heard them talking about new contests, new ways to contact your homies, and more gear/characters! The only thing is ya gots to stick around to check it out!

If you're lookin' for the scoop, look for your boy!

Scoop_McFanny

P.S. After talkin' to the Masked_Editor, I'm gonna pull back a bit on the slang. He's all about upgrading the standards of the site. Although there isn't anything wrong with slang, when dealing with the media, ya gots to keep it real and coherent. My bad if I made your eyes bleed with my previous articles.
New Year's Kiss
Dear Handsome,

I am a Villain I have been seeing a great guy -- he is also a Villain -- for about a month now. We have a good time together, and share things in common. He recently got out of a long relationship.

He has not even tried to kiss me. I guess my question is...Will he give me a New Year's kiss? I am being patient, and understanding, and I don't want to rush either. I know you can't be in his mind but what do you think is going on. He has even told me he is more attracted to me each time he sees me... help!!! I don't want to be the only girl who isn't kissing someone on that night!

Wasted Lip Gloss


Dear Wasted Lip Gloss,

Handsome believes that you you shouldn't be worried about New Years. That's Handsome's opinion, but you didn't ask Handsome that did you?

This may hurt, but Handsome believes that either you aren't kissable or your boyfriend is too chicken to show his Lady how much he likes her. If you were one of Handsome's Ladies, you wouldn't have this problem because Handsome would have you feeling special every day. Whenever you looked into Handsome's eyes, you would feel a tingle that says let's you know that Handsome appreciates you. As a matter of fact, what are you doing this New Years? Ladies number 7 and 21 can't make it to the Chronicles' party. You are more than welcome to fill one of those spots. If not, Handsome will fill it with someone else.

Send Handsome an urbogram and I'll put that lip gloss to good use!

Who's your Daddy?

That's right, I am!

Handsome U. Whantme
>> Business
Reminder

With January beginning today, I just wanted to give you all a little reminder about the "Funking Up the Cyber World" contest.

All submissions are due by January 31st. You can do that by sending me an invite on MySpace:

myspace.com/funk_mistress

If you are submitting your page on FaceBook, do a search for Urbaniacs because I still haven't created a page for myself.

For more information check out the following link:

http://www.pineapplestew.com/urb/c/Cyberworld.jpg

Finally, once you create your page, post the link here so others can check out your work and send you friend invites!

http://www.urbaniacs.com/city/lounge.php?t=259245

The winner of this contest will receive a Staff Infection Sword AND a +25 training pass.

2nd place will receive a +25 training pass.

There isn't a third place prize.

So, get those pages up! Not only could you possibly win an awesome prize BUT you will aid in marketing the site.

It's time to brush up on your html and creative skills!

Keep it Funky!

Afro_Chic
The Mistress of Funk
Rap Battles
Oh man! The December Rap Battles have winded down. With folks juggling a microphone, Christmas presents, and their presents, I'm shocked that we even had contestants!

But we did.

Once all that holiday cheer cleared, we ended up with 2 Lyrical Titans going head to head (As if any of you were shocked at the finalists)! DudeMan and Gizmo_Tracer tried their hardest to clench that Homeboy Trophy but there is only one who can have it.

With the final theme being, "What is your New Year's Resolution," here are their final raps.

DudeMan

A new year approaches, gots to make a resolution
it won't be end world hunger or minimize pollution
nothing so grand, that I could never accomplish
should be something easy like maybe eat more fish.
Perhaps a self oath to be a better a villiain
cut down on the chillin, and do a litte more illin.
Or swing the other way, and better the hero in me
give back to the site, and the whole urb community.
But that aint my style, thats not who I am
that's not how I play, and not how I jam.
No, what I have in mind, is something more selfish
You really want to know my new years wish?
I'm gonna take over this town, one way or another
I'll promote villain supremecy and the heroes I'll smother.
Use the whole arsenal that's at my disposal
"Take Over Urbanville". THAT'S my proposal.
Perhaps in 08 there'll be someone to stop me.
but while your trying, my homeys will prop me.
"Big up yourself DM" and "Give 'em what for"
That's what you'll here last as your eating the floor.



Gizmo_Tracer

So the gauntlet's been thrown by our lovely supervisor,
Wants to know how, in the new year, we're going to be wiser.
The dead line is tight, so I've got to spit unprocessed,
Off the top of my head, straight from the heart decompressed.
But I've never been big on the New Year's declaration.
Never seem to be kept, false promises of transformation.
No point in trying to eat better, I'm already quite svelte;
If I lost any more weight, then I'd need a smaller belt.
If that's more your thing, then no meat is my recipe.
I'm reppin' vegetarian, eatin' soy bean and chickpea.
Should I exercise more? I fight injustice all day long!
The never-ending battle keeps me fit and keeps me strong.
You want to do the same? Catch this communique.
You too can stay in shape with ten easy henchlings per day.
Because every day of the year, I'm a self-improver.
Once a newbie hero, now a shaker and a mover.
Work hard to meliorate, to refine and maneuver.
Well known and well liked from Estonia to Vancouver.
But seems I need a resolution, I need a response.
If my freestyle reputation, I want to ensconce.
So here it is, with incongruent nonchalance:
Ladies and gents it's time for the Tracer renaissance!
In the coming year, expect my rhymes to be slicker.
And I'll accumulate stats faster than a stock ticker.
With mojo so smooth and Warp Drive so blinding,
The slipstream I leave will split molecular binding!
Faster, stronger, better like the man rebuilt bionic:
With the freshest phonics! Breaking the barrier sonic!
Like a living, breathing tonic for commonplace chronic!
So let's have a moment of silence, and let my goal ring:
I'm not improving a bit, I'm upgrading everything.


Who do YOU think won? *winks*