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Issue 101

Aug 26, 2007

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Issue 1

>> Top Stories
The Urbanville 12: Round 3!

Aight peeps, let me break a lil' sumthin' sumthin' down to you before I get the second round crackin'!


All of your clues will be located in the same issue that I introduce the next serial killer, aight? In other words, after today, check this same issue on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday for ya clues and to find out who won.

Once ya win, you gots to back down for the next 3 rounds!

If you're caught cheatin' and believe me, I have the ability to check, you are out!Aight peeps, let me break a lil' sumthin' sumthin' down to you before I get the second round crackin'!


All of your clues will be located in the same issue that I introduce the next serial killer, aight? In other words, after today, check this same issue on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday for ya clues and to find out who won.

Once ya win, you gots to back down for the next 3 rounds!

If you're caught cheatin' and believe me, I have the ability to check, you are out!

Finally, Ira has told me that he wishes to drop the first prize to a +25 training pass. Hey before y’all get your grumble on, let me say at least you gots the chance to get a tp! When I was a young Urb, we didn’t even have them, ya know what I’m sayin’? So if ya win this round, you will only get a +25 training pass, aight? If ya got beef, take it to the man, that’s right Ira! Congrats to the cats that got the +50 training passes, you’re special!


Ya feel like catchin’ a serial killa brutha? I know ya do!

This serial killer is interestin’ for instead of having 1 arch-nemesis they have a bunch! If ya want to know the age of this killer, I can’t even tell you! Some people believe that if they tell you their age, then they will have to act it!

Ira is lookin’ to catch this killer, can you help him?

Each of the Urbanville 12 will have 4 victims. Help us catch them before they get to number 4. If ya win, they get caught. If ya don’t win, they go free, unpunished.

Remember to win the tp you have to be the first person to drop the name of the Urbanville 12 AND their theme killings. First place winners and the 3 runners up will be posted in da Chronicles. That means don’t be literin’ my inbox with, “Yo Scoop, did I win” cause I will straight up ignore ya!Each of the Urbanville 12 will have 4 victims. Help us catch them before they get to number 4. If ya win, they get caught. If ya don’t win, they go free, unpunished.

Remember to win the tp you have to be the first person to drop the name of the Urbanville 12 AND their theme killings. First place winners and the 3 runners up will be posted in da Chronicles. That means don’t be literin’ my inbox with, “Yo Scoop, did I win” cause I will straight up ignore ya! If you’re caught cheatin’ you’re OUT!
Villainess Like Me
What happens when the top Villainesses of the Family get together? What do they talk about? What do they do? Well these questions have been plaguing my mind. I know, I know, I’m good friends with some of the female members of the Family so I could ask them, but c’mon, they are Villains...Do you expect them to tell me the truth? I don’t! So, I decided to break into the Ladies’ hang out area in the Burrito Factory. Let me tell you, the Villainesses have come a long way! I didn’t need to go under the ugly makeover that Love_Child did when she infiltrated the Family to acquire secrets about the Water Treatment Factory in the 80th issue.

I tell you, that picture makes me shiver to this day! No, today’s Villainess is more...sexy. Anyways, I had to figure out a new disguise because as usual, I was venturing into a place that I didn’t belong. This time, I chose to look like one of the help. Yes, that’s right, I became a henchling. Again Preston rolled his eyes at me because he didn’t understand why I do these things to myself but he had no choice, he had to help me apply the makeup! As for the afro, that was the hardest thing to hide! I had to gel it down just to hold it under the antlers that the henchlings rock, it’s not like that helped.

I snuck into the Burrito Factory and found the Ladies’ chill zone. That’s where I found SydneyAlice, Kali_Maa, Crazy_Anz_Bd_Lover, and Whiskey, who was sitting in the corner playing “GoatFist of Fury.” What? The girl has a gaming rep to protect! Imagine my surprise and my happiness to get the chance to hang out with the senior female members in their natural element! Well I was until I heard, “Another H2WHOA slave!”

I turned to see Syd snapping her fingers at me, how rude! I bit my tongue, literally, and fetched her one. Well, I sorta tossed it to her, she wasn’t too happy about that, but she got over it when Kali asked, “So, is anyone else here bored with Urbanville?”

“Yea,” Crazy said before biting into henchling that was sitting near her. I made a mental note to stay away from her. I heard too much sass makes one’s blood spicy. I didn’t want to give her any gas.

“Hey slave, catch,” Syd said tossing her half emptied bottle towards me. Thank goodness she throws like a girl because it landed at my feet. I looked down at it and looked up at her.

“Pick it up,” she demanded and rolled her eyes. I rolled mine too but no one saw that thanks to my costume. I feel sorry for the henchlings now. I really, really do. I bent over to pick it up but little did I know my ears fell off. I felt someone staring at me. When I looked around, I found Kali staring at me with her right eyebrow cocked and a crooked smile on her face. I quickly picked up my ears and silently pleaded for her to not say anything.

“I have an idea,” she said and pulled out a picture of me from their “Most Wanted” binder, “Let’s play darts using Affy as a target!”

I growled under my mask while the three of them threw darts at my face. Man, I looked so cute in that picture! Hmmmm...I wonder if I could get a copy?

“Affy thinks she’s SO cute,” Kali taunted me before throwing a dart that landed on my nose.

“At least she entertains me when I get bored,” Syd said and threw a dart at my afro, “Ha! If it were the real thing, we would lose the dart! Did you know that thing is alive?”

“Awh, I love Affylicious,” Crazy said before hitting my smile with her dart. Some friend.

“You know,” Whiskey said from her computer, “With those claws, she’s the most dangerous chick in Urbanville?”

“True,” Kali said and smiled at me, “Too bad she isn’t the sexiest. I’ve got that on lock!”

I don’t know what happened, but all of a sudden, I started choking on something! No, I know what it was, I wanted to laugh so hard but I couldn’t blow my cover! *giggles*

“Oh geez that thing is spreading its germs around,” Syd complained and sprayed the atmosphere with some sort of perfumed air freshener, which made me cough harder.

“Maybe we can give it to the guys so they can use it for paint ball practice,” Kali said with a smirk. Note to self, trip Kali_Maa down some stairs the next time I see her!

“I am still hungry,” Crazy said with a look in her eyes. I knew it was time for me to go so I dropped Syd’s H2WHOA and backed away slowly keeping my eyes on Crazy, who was standing up at that point. Vampires...Can’t live with them cuz they would try to drink your blood! As soon as I got to the threshold, I turned and ran for my life! The last words I heard were from Syd.

“That henchling is just as useless as our men! What would they do without us? We keep this place together and let them pretend that they run everything!”

So there you have it! The Villainesses are the real leaders of the Family! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a Villainess to trip downstairs. That’s right Kali, I’m coming for YOU! I will see you all next week!

Funky 24 hours a day and 7 days a week!

Afro_Chic
The Urbanville 12: Part 3: Clue #1

Sup Witcha? Is it Monday already? Man where did the weekend go?

But befizzle I gets into that, lemme point this out, aight?

1. You must give the name of the serial killer AND his theme to win.

2. If you discover you're the serial killer, don't write me and ask me for you theme.

First Victim: Thanatos5150

Note:

" You all need to be ever awake and alert, sleeplessly watching because I will get through all 4 of my victims! I took him down because he is one of the newest ones to get involved! Thanks to a little game they have in the Hustle Alliance! He annoyed me with his advice so he had to go!"

Guess which hand your boy has the +25 trainin’ pass in? C’mon you know ya wanna!

Scoop
The Urbanville 12: Part 3: Clue #2



But befizzle I gets into that, lemme point this out, aight?

1. You must give the name of the serial killer AND his theme to win.

2. If you discover you're the serial killer, don't write me and ask me for you theme.

First Victim: shade_king

Note:

"He’s young and innovative but he’s fighting for the wrong side! Every young person should align themselves with me to break down the oppression of the Big Dogs! I’m not in the upper tier of this site, but soon, SOON I will be for what was once first will be last and what was once last will be first! Since he was too closed minded to see this, he had to GO! Two down...Two to go!"

I gotta +25 tp and you-hoo don’t!

Scoop
>> Editorials
Unmasking the Masked_Editor... Is it possible?
So, ever since the Masked_Editor has graced us with his/her/its presence, people have reacted in two ways. There have been those who have shouted, kicked, and screamed against it. And then, there are those who might politely accept the M_E's presence. I think both groups would agree: It is high time we unmasked this mysterious figure... Yet no one ever actually does anything about it. Well here I am to change that.

But really, what is so mysterious? The fact that he/she/it has "masked" in their screen name? What less do we know about the Masked_Editor than we know about half of the Urbaniacs on this site? True; the M_E is one of the few that denies the release of even gender info... but what difference does it make? Finding out what the M_E is like as a real person is actually useless and boring to us, so why try? But if we are going to try and unmask this menace, then we need to make it fun!! So, for the sake of enjoyment, we will have to take it for granted that the M_E is actually... another Urbaniac in disguise!!!!!!

So that is where we begin our process of logical speculation.

Now we begin a quest. A mystery. An intellectual adventure into exploring the identity of the M_E. Let us reflect upon the origins of the Editor: The first appearance was in an article written by Scoop_McFanny, the writer that has been fully connected with the Chronicles since Issue 1. Waiiiiit a second! Even when I read this article for the first time, I thought there was something weird about it... How did Scoop really figure out about the M_E? Did he really think that the change in the Chronicles was due to a swap in management?? I think it's doubtful.

Can you say "suspicious"?

So now, we are entered with a first suspect: The great Scoop_McFanny. Is it really such an out-of-line suggestion? Think about it: The M_E said he/she/it had been pestering the Mayor for ages, and he finally relented. Isn't Scoop one of the oldest members on the site? And only someone with that much trust built up could be handed over the key to the Chronicles. And who would be a better candidate for "Editor of the Chronicles" than the one who basically created the entire first few issues of the Chronicles? That amount of experience would be hard to beat.

The only problem with it is the polar-opposite writing styles, but considering the role-playing nature of both of them it is very possible that they are one and the same. There ya have it, some stuff to chew on.

So, this article has introduced suspect #1 in "The Unmasking" case. I will pick up with more at a later time.

Over and out.
>> Comics
Community Happenings

Because the forums can be quite overwhelming, check out what's Happening in your Community!


The Lounge:

JAMES (Maggot) URGENT PRAYER

He’s the heart of the site, but now he needs help. Go check it out!

Urbanville Streets:

Ambassador of Urbanville

Do you like welcoming new members to the site? Are you a happy person? Are you a grumpy person who likes to help out, then sign your name at the dotted line because the Mayor is looking for you!

The Mayor's Office:

A Mayoral Poll

Who is your favorite character on Urbaniacs? Also, who would you like to see retired? If you have an opinion, and we are sure that you do, hop on down to the Mayor’s Office and let your voice be heard!

Role Playing:

Gyspy Camp

What does your future hold? Will that guy fall in love with you? Will you finally earn the urbosaber that you’re searching for? These questions as well as many others will be solved once you make your way to BloodDrop’s camp! Just remember not to shoot the messenger if you don’t like the answer to your questions!

That's it for now! We can't read everything for you. The forums are filled with interesting threads, we're just here to wet your whistles!

Maybe next week we'll showcase your thread, maybe not. If you feel that you have something worth showcasing send an urbogram to the Masked_Editor.

The Chronicles Staff
>> Business
The Sidekicks Behind the Man Behind the Iron Pants
Hi again, Urbanville! If want to know where I’ve been these past few weeks… well, it’s none of your business. This time I got stuck with... er, got the scoop on the colourful sidekicks of Urbanville’s most colourful (and only) drunken super-hero, Iron Pants! This oughtta be good.

Honnah: Welcome, the B.S.P, RoboMutt and Tequila Frog!
BSP: Oink oink!
RoboMutt: *beep* [They really don’t respect you as a reporter, do they?]
Tequila Frog: Please don’t eat my legs.

Honnah: OK, well I have no idea what the BSP said, no they don’t, and yuck.
BSP: Oink oink! Oink, oink oink oink, oink. Oink oink oink.
RoboMutt: *beep* [Your honesty about job, given to you clearly because they had to break up an all-male office, is refreshing]
Tequila Frog: What do you mean ‘yuck’? You mean you think I’m repulsive? You think I’m repulsive! A hideous, repulsive, alcoholic, poisonous creature!

Honnah: Ok in order… Still no clue, probably but it means I can sue their butt off if they fire me, and… you’re like an emo version of Kermit. You three mind if I ask some questions instead of just responding to your various witty and/or incomprehensible rambling? No? Good. So, what was it like living with a 40-something, single alcoholic and a flamboyantly flaming henchling?
BSP: Oink. Oink oink, oink oink… oink oink OINK!! Oink oink, oink oink oink.
RoboMutt: *beep* [I’m with the BSP]
Tequila Frog: Me too.

Honnah: Either of you care to translate what he said?
RoboMutt: *beep* [No.]
Tequila Frog: I’m of no use! NO USE!! No use to ANYONE!! *sob* Do you have anything to drink?

Honnah: Yeah… I’m starting to feel like Sisyphus, here.
BSP: Oink?
RoboMutt: *beep* [The dude who kept having to push the boulder from Greek Mythology.]
Tequila Frog: Atlas?
RoboMutt: *beep* [No, PUSHED the boulder in Hell. He had to push it to the top of a mountain, but it’d just roll down again, or something to that effect. Obviously he was an idiot; if he’s strong enough to push a boulder, you’re telling me he couldn’t fashion some sort of tool to just keep the boulder in place? Flatten the top of the peak, or knock some parts out of the boulder so it wouldn’t move?]

Honnah: And on that note, you might not want to give me ideas involving flattening or knocking parts out of things, RoboMutt.
RoboMutt: *beep* [Point taken.]
Honnah: So – does Iron ever get irritated at how often his sidekicks steal the scene?
BSP: Oink… oink oink oink.
RoboMutt: *beep* [Like the pig said – we don’t think he really notices. Too wrapped up in himself or Affy… or running in a blind panic from P.C.]
Tequila Frog: I’ve never stolen ANY scenes! I haven’t even been in a story yet! Oh, it’s not easy being green and a lush! A lush, green! Lush… green colour. There’s a poem in there. Or a song.

Honnah: Bringing me to my next question, and thanks to the amount of rambling you three have done, I’m out of space so it’s also gotta be my last. How DO you deal with that psychotic, love-struck, oppressive ice queen?
RoboMutt: *beep* [Iron hooked me up with a projector and a link to an adult website. I just flash that on the nearest wall and it makes her go catatonic long enough for us to escape.
Tequila Frog: Also, I’m an effective shield when she tries to kiss him. Especially when I try to give her tongue.
BSP: Oooooooink!! *gags*

Honnah: And with that LOVELY mental image, it’s time to say good-bye. Thanks for coming out, you three. Good luck with P.C. Did I say this interview was gonna be good? I obviously meant “dysfunctional”. Until next time Urbanville – URB ON!!
>> Politics
Join The Heroes' Guild

If Your a Hero in the H.A, and your getting bored of rescuing cats out of a tree or baby's left in burning buildings.

Well if you are Join the Heroes' Guild. Better Missions. Make Homies. We Even Have Our Own Official Site!

This Is What a Member Had To Say:

"No more saving cats out of trees, i actually get to go to the front line of the battles and fights chars, sludges, and henchlings."

The Guild Even has it's own underground cells were we keep Chars and henchlings.(we had to remove the sludges because they kept on getting slime on my Golden Pecs)

Lookin' for a thrill, without a big 'Bill'?

Join the heroes' guild.